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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
corythatwas · 03/09/2020 12:26

What if there's a fire? In the confusion, if the fire brigade asked a neighbour how many people live there (I've seen this done) they might not know about the kids.

So why would the neighbours know the kids were there if there wasn't a dinner party on= the scenario originally arranged? Slightly confused here.

incognitomum · 03/09/2020 12:27

What a shame then. I think that's awful of them.

corythatwas · 03/09/2020 12:28

Ah, OP update. If they're going to get totally sloshed, then I absolutely see why the dinner party is not a good idea.

But we couldn't know that from the OP- plenty of people manage to get through dinner parties without losing their faculties.

disappointingdessert · 03/09/2020 12:29

Sounds like it might be eye-opening for your kids to spend a little time in a more relaxed family environment.

What an incredibly pointless and nasty thing to say. Bravo.

You sound like an normal parent op, people on this thread have really let their imaginations run away with them. I wouldn't be able to relax if I knew they were drinking and with people I don't know, so I'd cancel as there'd be no point. And in future I wouldn't put myself out for her at all.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 12:30

@corythatwas they handle their booze relatively well lol. Like I said they drink
A lot. But I can’t see it being one or two glasses then done, no way. I did say in the OP there would be a lot of drinking! Would they be absolutely off their face unable to function? I wouldn’t have thought so but who knows?!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 03/09/2020 12:32

So she has never babysat them but is having them for a sleepover

And a dinner party

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 12:36

@Blondeshavemorefun she’s never looked after them at mine, no

OP posts:
StatementKnickers · 03/09/2020 12:36

Another issue here is that if the friends are big drinkers and hosting in their own home, they will be in bad shape in the morning. Children are not forgiving of hangovers, in my experience Gin

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 12:41

I think I’ll just pull out and give her her weekend back!

OP posts:
Thefab3 · 03/09/2020 12:43

There’s a lot of unhappy people out there , think this is where you will find that posters on here can be contrary or trying to stir up shit.
Op, you are dnbu at all, the heavy drinking is as absolute no no with babysitting. And 6 and 8 years old aren’t babies but obviously still very young. Major eye-roll at the people stating they don’t need any looking after (if yours didn’t then well done you..) but in the grand scheme of things they do need to be looked after and to feel safe.
Being minded by a few, potentially drunk adults is not good enough and there’s no way I would go away and leave my kids with them.
I get it though op, loads of family here but no one ever babysits and if they offer (v v rarely ) there’s always huge issues with time and it’s all made out to be way more complicated than it is so we end up not going anywhere.
Definitely sounds like they want out of babysitting to have planned a dinner party for the exact night that you asked for babysitting 🙄 (months in advance).

2bazookas · 03/09/2020 12:45

Wouldn't bother me at all. That's normal behaviour .

When our kids were young in the 70s and 80's , we and our friends couldn't afford to go out for restaurant dinners . Home dinner parties were the thing.They all followed the same pattern; the hosts kids had an early tea (different, basic, like pizza) and were ready for bed by the time the guests arrived. Infants were already tucked up; slightly older kids would disappear to their rooms. Mine loved dinner party nights because they got tasters and bowl-licks beforehand,, and sometimes special leftovers the next day.

Sophoa · 03/09/2020 12:45

Also they’ll feed your kids at normal dinner time and then when they’re in bed they’ll have their mates over for dinner .... tbh sounds like a normal Saturday night in our house (apart from we would have takeaway because I’m a terrible cook)

Correct. I just don’t get the angst. It sounds so totally reasonable and normal to me that I am struggling go see any aspect of it being a problem

Badger2033 · 03/09/2020 12:46

I wouldn’t be letting someone care for my children whilst they got drunk. That’s not sensible. I also wouldn’t be drunk in charge of my children or anyone else’s.

I might have a drink .... but no more than that.

Perhaps I’m over sensitive on that because my child has a medical condition and could be seriously ill / need urgent medical attention at any time and I need to be in a fit state to
Check on him
Provide that care
Get him to hospital
Call 999 / administer medication.

Perhaps say ‘ don’t spoil your fun that night we will re arrange’

I wouldn’t be comfortable someone being drunk and in charge of my kids ... but they’re still allowed a social life. Maybe you need to find someone more appropriate.

honeygirlz · 03/09/2020 13:02

If it was me I would cancel, blame it on Covid and never ask her for a favour again. Is that petulant? Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2020 13:12

@MoggyMittens23 - if you trust your friends not to get drunk and careless, I don't see the problem with them having a dinner party at the same time as looking after your children - plenty of parents host dinner parties whilst their children are small. It is a bit more of a logistical challenge than either the dinner party or the babysitting on their own, but still do-able, I think.

AndAnotherUsername · 03/09/2020 13:21

I think she’s double-booked by accident, and now is hoping you’ll pull out and let her off the hook.

It’s annoying but I’d probably just cancel the plans and bite my tongue. Even aside from the drinking, the kids are going to feel awkward and unwanted the whole evening.

Brieminewine · 03/09/2020 13:35

Can’t you just change the weekend you go away? Say to the friend ‘oh we’ll go the weekend after if that works for you as I know you’ll not want the kids around for your party’ so then you still get your night away, she gets her dinner party and you’ll feel abit easier about the situation.

I’m sure the host will want that too, you don’t want to be babysitting someone else’s kids whilst hosting an adult dinner party!

PerveenMistry · 03/09/2020 13:45

@corythatwas

Ah, OP update. If they're going to get totally sloshed, then I absolutely see why the dinner party is not a good idea.

But we couldn't know that from the OP- plenty of people manage to get through dinner parties without losing their faculties.

It's interesting that the longer this goes on, the more dire the portrait the OP paints of her prospective babysitters.

We've gone from relaxed good friend/experienced mum to flakey disorganized unreliable boozers in practically no time.

Didkdt · 03/09/2020 13:47

I agree at @PerveenMistry the more people said what's the problem seems fine the more problems were found

incognitomum · 03/09/2020 13:58

She's a selfish bitch if she knows you don't get much time away.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 14:10

I said in the OP about the drinking and I think the first page about her being flaky?! But ok..

OP posts:
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 14:10

@Didkdt are you sure I’ve got from one extreme to the other in no time?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 14:25

Anyway I’m out thanks so much everyone for helpful feedback. Much appreciated!

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 03/09/2020 14:41

I think your children would find it fun really. Your friend knows it will be easier to cope with two older children, and not babies or toddlers, and a bit of an adventure for your children.

Mittens030869 · 03/09/2020 14:49

The OP did mention that they drank a lot at dinner parties in the opening post. I think that she was trying to downplay it because of them being friends and she didn't want to slag them off.

There's actually another reason why I wouldn't be happy with this. Kids of 8 and 6 don't need a lot of looking after but they sure can make a nuisance of themselves. My DDs would be fine now, they'd just play on their phones, but at 8 and 6 they couldn't be trusted to never get into mischief. (They were usually as good as gold for other people, but there could always have been a first time! Grin)

I wouldn't have wanted to risk that happening.