If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

It wouldn't be ok with me. I don't know Dave and Kate or Nigel and Eva so there is not a hope in hells chance my D.C, regardless of age, would be staying with my friend whilst these people were all sinking wine together. No, no and no. My children do not get to be in the company of strange people without me (excepting school of course)

"When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night?"

Whenever and who cares. It is just one time!! You say you never have time away from your kids. So go out and enjoy it op. Kids will eat as they will get hungry. And if they end uo watching a lot of tv then the kids will be happy about it haha

As long as she is a good friend that youve known for a long time as in so you know her dinner party guests are nice and reliable people 😊

@chickenwing wow 😑 bit ott there ?? 😅

No, no and no. My children do not get to be in the company of strange people without me (excepting school of course)

Maybe the OP could ask that her friend ask if they have DBS checks?

Really, would anyone leave their kids overnight with friends who would entertain arsonists, child molesters and heroin addicts for dinner? Once you trust a friend with your kids overnight, surely you trust them?

I would not be happy with this at all and would cancel. I wouldn’t want my young children in a house with a group of adults that I had never met, especially if they been drinking heavily

@incognitomum

She's a selfish bitch if she knows you don't get much time away.

Eh? Friend is selfish for offering to babysit for the weekend?

That's an interesting perspective.

The kids won't perish away just because the friend's household doesn't operate exactly as their own does, or because friend and spouse don't hunker down with them for a rousing night of popcorn and Disney movies. It'll do them good to see how others live.

It's unlikely the dinner-party guests are wastrels and perverts.

She's happily having OP's dc overnight but she's a 'selfish bitch'

When our kids were young in the 70s and 80's , we and our friends couldn't afford to go out for restaurant dinners . Home dinner parties were the thing.They all followed the same pattern; the hosts kids had an early tea (different, basic, like pizza) and were ready for bed by the time the guests arrived. Infants were already tucked up; slightly older kids would disappear to their rooms. Mine loved dinner party nights because they got tasters and bowl-licks beforehand,, and sometimes special leftovers the next day.

I guess the difference is that the parents of the kids would either be hosting the dinner or be coming to the dinner as guests - all the kids do their own thing but they know the other adults present and their own parents are there too. I happily have friends for dinner and my kids will either eat with us or have an early dinner beforehand. What you do with your own children in your own home is different to what you’d do with other children away from their home without their parents present.

While I have friends I would absolutely trust to care for my kids, they’re people I know would never think of having a party while looking after someone else’s kids. It’s an entirely different thing children being invited with their parents, with other children also coming with their parents and the kids getting on with it while the adults have dinner.

I can’t believe the hard time the OP is getting for being uncomfortable with her kids being in an unfamiliar environment with adults having a dinner party.

What you do with your own children in your own home is different to what you’d do with other children away from their home without their parents present.

Really, why?

People shouldn't have to change their style of living just to watch over a couple of kids.

And age 6 & 8 is high time to learn to adapt occasionally to different people and circumstances.

If not being the center of the universe for 48 hours will traumatise them, something is seriously off. Kids deserve the chance to relate to others without mother constantly interceding and supervising.

@PerveenMistry

I've babysat for my nieces and nephews overnight. I would never have considered hosting a dinner party on the evenings when I was looking after them. Because if I have them to stay, I want them to enjoy being here, and not to feel like they're in the way.

This is quite clearly a case of a double booking and the OP should just reschedule.

If kids are involved in the party prep they won't feel they are in the way.

It's not necessary for adults to dumb down to typical childish pastimes in order to make kids feel welcome and comfortable. Party prep, snacks/dinner, chatting a bit with guests and then off to bed seems like an exciting Saturday night for school-age children. And it's only a few hours out of an entire weekend.

*Really, why?

People shouldn't have to change their style of living just to watch over a couple of kids.*

Expecting someone who offered to look after your kids not to have an adult dinner party at the same time is hardly changing their style of living. And yes it is different, I’m more likely to supervise a bit more closely because they don’t know my home, and won’t be used to my house rules, I’m more likely to plan some kind of entertainment because they don’t have their own space and their own things to suit themselves. I’d hate for them to feel they were putting me out if they needed me while I had guests, I’m likely to be less aware of what they need and their capacity to entertain themselves and wouldn’t expect the same from them as I do my own kids.

I don’t expect them to need mother to intervene and intercede but I would want them to feel welcome, it’s not like the host has children their age to keep them company.

To be honest, in the hosts position I’d also want to give my guests my full attention and be able to relax and enjoy their company without worrying about someone else’s child.

Seriously struggling to see what the problem is here . You want to go away and friend has agreed to have your kids - so she's having dinner guests?! surely you didn't expect them to put on full entertainment for your kids did you? If I have friends children to stay then they get fed something easy / treat like pizza and allowed to watch films then sent to bed probably a bit later than normal in the hope they're not up at some ungodly hour. Unless they're likely to be drinking vast quantities or do I g drugs I don't see what business it is of yours if they choose to have a few friends over. If you don't like it, pay for a babysitter or night nanny.

To be honest, in the hosts position I’d also want to give my guests my full attention and be able to relax and enjoy their company without worrying about someone else’s child.

Exactly. That's why I think it's a double booking, as surely no one would knowingly arrange a dinner party for when they've agreed to babysit their friend's DC of 8 and 6, especially as they've never babysat them before! Who would willingly choose that as an option? They would surely rather choose a date when they don't have that responsibility; very likely this was the only date that the two other couples both had free.

The friend is probably feeling bad about the double booking (I would) so is saying that she will still be happy for her friend's DC to stay as she previously said yes and her friend and her OH don't go away that often.

Maybe the OP could ask that her friend ask if they have DBS checks?

Really, would anyone leave their kids overnight with friends who would entertain arsonists, child molesters and heroin addicts for dinner? Once you trust a friend with your kids overnight, surely you trust them?

I trust my friends yes, i don't trust strangers, and with good reason.

[quote Yeahnahmum]@chickenwing wow 😑 bit ott there ?? 😅[/quote]

Opinion based on experience. No need to mock because you don't feel the same.

*Maybe the OP could ask that her friend ask if they have DBS checks?

Really, would anyone leave their kids overnight with friends who would entertain arsonists, child molesters and heroin addicts for dinner? Once you trust a friend with your kids overnight, surely you trust them?*

I trust my friends yes, i don't trust strangers, and with good reason.

I agree. Unfortunately, there are too many people who think we're paranoid if we even suggest that a parent might have concerns about people they don't know being around their children at a sleepover.

I stand by my previous posts that this is probably only a case of a double booking, but parents shouldn't be mocked for being cautious. I wish my DM had been more cautious when my siblings and I were growing up.

Why is them having friends over for dinner an issue? Don't you eat with children in the house?
They're doing you a massive favour

Not sure where in the world you are. How does this fir with the local lockdown rules?

Here in the England, you're meant to keep 2m apart from other households. Not sure how anyone can babysit whilst doing this. I'm surprised you haven't cancelled your night out.

Not sure I'd want a boozy dinner party under these circumstances either.

Our area is under threat of being locked down again. Life HASN'T returned to normal yet. Whilst I agree we shouldn't be living in fear, I still think some moderations to behaviour need to be made for a while.

@MustShowDH in Scotland there is no social distancing required for young children

@Topseyt unfortunately I have asked before if she would have them at mine but she wouldn't, her place only

This just jumped out at me, I wonder if that is also around her drinking.

Two groups here. Clearly

If I was minding a friends children I would think it is a special responsibility.
No drama. But a responsibility.

Would it be the night that I would have a dinner party for 6?
Hell NO.

I entertain. Regularly.
There is alcohol involved.
Aperitif
Wine
Several courses.
Wine.
Etc.

Would I mind a friends children.
Hell NO.
I'm entertaining and drinking.

NO WAY would I entertain and be fully responsible for another's children.

Because I AM a responsible adult.

All those trying to make the OP feel bad about being nervous snd precious are exactly the type of parents that I have happily spent 25 years avoiding.

#i don't leave my children with people on the piss..I never have.

So happy with my choices.

OP, your reservations are well founded.
Don't feel intimidated by those who would leave their children anywhere for a night out.
It's really not a night out if you are not relaxed about where you children are. Simply not worth it.

The bottom line is that they won’t be supervised very well and they’ll be on their own with adults they don’t know that well. That makes them quite vulnerable in all sorts of ways. I know people scoff and take the piss about this hyper vigilance and especially about stranger danger but I’d rather you take the piss and I’ll sleep easy knowing my kids are safe thanks.

I agree with this. Especially as I was a victim at the age of the OP's DC. Abuse happens. Yes, it's rare overall, but it happens. Please don't mock parents who worry about it. It's better that they're overprotective than not aware of the risk at all.

I seriously still don’t understand the angst. Don’t most 6 and 8 year olds get put to Bed by 8pm and then wake up in the morning? Therefore having 2 other couples over for dinner from about 8.30 is hardly a problem. If the OP had said the babysitting family were having a few friends over for some food and a few glasses of wine when the kids were in bed would they have received the same vitriol? The OP’s mistake is using the word “party” I hardly think that 6 adults having dinner on a Saturday night whilst a 6 & 8 year old are tucked up in bed is an issue. Presumably if the friends are kind enough to look after children they’re not stupid enough to get paralytic. They’ll make sure they’re more than fine enough In the high likelihood of the House burning down whilst a child falls desperately ill at the same time paedophile guests are running amok in the children’s bedrooms. These scenarios are so unlikely that if they are your real concerns then it’s not your friends with the problem