If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

*@Topseyt unfortunately I have asked before if she would have them at mine but she wouldn't, her place only

This just jumped out at me, I wonder if that is also around her drinking.*

I wouldn’t fancy babysitting at a friends house much either. If you want someone to babysit at you then pay a babysitter. My parents only babysit at their house. They don’t drink. Suddenly these friends are now raging alcoholics with a severe drink problem. I hope they haven’t read this thread

If friend thinks she can manage a dinner party and mind two small kids in her home, let her crack on!

I seriously still don’t understand the angst.

There isn't any. People just have different views. Those which differ to you are not 'angsty', they are simply different.

@Janaih

Her saying "it's just that we are having a dinner party...we can still have them though" suggests to me she doesn't want to babysit now but is putting the onus on you to cancel it. Yet another example of people letting others down when they get a better offer. I would be very pissed off with such a friend. But if you Express your annoyance she will bounce it back and say yabu so you cant really win :(

Yep - this.

I agree with with Sophoa. But then we quite often have couples over for dinner it’s not some huge drama. I give the kids their tea beforehand then they watch telly upstairs. But mine never had fussy bed time routines and don’t require adult attention for hours before they go to bed.

Exactly.

Friends really don't do this.

Flaky wasters do.🙄

@Janaih👍
Trying to quote you, but blocked 🤷‍♀️

Comparing what you’d do with your own though is different. I’d happily host people for dinner with my own children in their own home. The point is their routine is their routine in their own home with their own space - and their parents on hand if they need anything, or if they play up.

I wouldn’t have a friends child stay, especially when there were no similar aged children to be with while the adults enjoyed themselves. I’m not angsty about it at all (but full marks for trying to undermine anyone that thinks differently to you), I just wouldn’t want my kids to be in that position.

@MsTSwift

I agree with with Sophoa. But then we quite often have couples over for dinner it’s not some huge drama. I give the kids their tea beforehand then they watch telly upstairs. But mine never had fussy bed time routines and don’t require adult attention for hours before they go to bed.

Exactly.

@Jellycatspyjamas

Comparing what you’d do with your own though is different. I’d happily host people for dinner with my own children in their own home. The point is their routine is their routine in their own home with their own space - and their parents on hand if they need anything, or if they play up.

I wouldn’t have a friends child stay, especially when there were no similar aged children to be with while the adults enjoyed themselves. I’m not angsty about it at all (but full marks for trying to undermine anyone that thinks differently to you), I just wouldn’t want my kids to be in that position.

In all seriousness, why not? What harm could befall them from a brief experience of something different than they'd get at home? Might be good for them.

It’s fine. They aren’t toddlers

There two different camps here

(1) the "they'll be fine, they'll just watch TV, DFriend can spend 5 mins taking them upstairs, clean teeth and as they pop into bed. They'll have such fun being able to watch the jolly adults laugh and get drunk .. and they'll be able to help earlier to cater for adults dinner party... We do this all the time.." camp

(2) the "Errr,.. No.... Did DFriend double book? .. How weird to arrange a 'drinking a lot' separate dinner party on the same night she invited my DC round to babysit them overnight? " Camp. I'm in this camp because :-

1. Covid /4 households inside is a No straight away if U.K..

1. It's a more "disinterested and unavailable parenting" style, to expect young KS1 DCs to occupy and take themselves up to bed with little input, it's not even their house so there'll be a level of excitement or nervousness. DFriend will be wanting to focus on her adult guests not her (unrelated to dinner party) children guests.

1. I wouldn't leave my DC overnight with adults who were planning to 'drink lots of alcohol' all evening having a dinner party. It's not a safe decision to drink heavily when you are responsible for other people's (or any) young children.

Whilst it is a favour, that doesn't mean it's ok, and OP has babysat as a favour for DFriend a DCs growing up.

YANBU to cancel with DFriend "I think you've double booked yourself. That's a shame, we will try to find a babysitter " and realise DFriend just didn't want to do it despite her assurances

In all seriousness, why not? What harm could befall them from a brief experience of something different than they'd get at home? Might be good for them

It’s not about harm - I very much doubt my kids would come back to me impaired or hurt in some way. I still wouldn’t want them left to their own devices in an unfamiliar house while 6 adults with no relationship to them get slowly drunk.

I don’t want them thinking they’re an inconvenience or an interruption, I don’t want them being left to entertain themselves in a strange house, I don’t want them to take themselves to bed in a strange place, or to think they might be disturbing their hosts if they need something while the adults are at dinner.

They have lots of experience of being at dinner parties both in our home and with extended family with me and DH present. They really aren’t missing some seminal life experience by not being babysat by people who are busy with their own social plans.

I wouldn't be happy

Anyone I would trust to have my DC to stay for the weekend, I would trust to be able to have people over and still care for my DC.

This wouldn't be an issue in the slightest for me.

I don’t think one night in front of the tv is going to mentally scar your children forever- if that’s what happens.
Do they/have they had kids themselves? Personally I wouldn’t want to entertain whilst looking after my own child, never mind someone else’s. Mine is only 4 though....

I’d want to know the other couples and whether there’ll be lots of alcohol involved.

If think she offered to have them but actually wasn’t too keen. I’d tell her not to worry if she was having a dinner party-I don’t think I’d be able to relax.

Can you use Sitters instead?

So the pandemic is over? I’m really looking forward to being crammed in a small room with 30 children who have spent the weekend mixing indoors with three different households.

So the pandemic is over? I’m really looking forward to being crammed in a small room with 30 children who have spent the weekend mixing indoors with three different households.

I hear what you're saying and I empathise. My DH and I both have vulnerabilities so this would be another reason for me to cancel.

But there's a group of posters on this thread who are strangely invested in defending the OP's friends' plans, and anyone coming up with reservations is being mocked for their 'angst'.

@Mittens030869

So the pandemic is over? I’m really looking forward to being crammed in a small room with 30 children who have spent the weekend mixing indoors with three different households.

I hear what you're saying and I empathise. My DH and I both have vulnerabilities so this would be another reason for me to cancel.

But there's a group of posters on this thread who are strangely invested in defending the OP's friends' plans, and anyone coming up with reservations is being mocked for their 'angst'.

One might also say there's a group here strangely invested in portraying the friend, who has offered a huge and inconvenient favour to the OP, as a flakey drunkard who will leave two little waifs to wander her home alone and iand unattended while she parties to a state of incompetence with her whopping four dinner guests, for a few hours out of a two-day weekend.

And OP is angry because Friend & spouse haven't planned to take kiddies to park, play games, have movie night and otherwise reduce all of their activities down to being the fun pseudo auntie & uncle. God forbid the children adapt to friends's household for two days rather than the other way round.

As to COVID, I wouldn't mingle households either but OP didn't list that as a concern. The first post seemed more of an irk that her two wouldn't be the only focus of a child-centric weekend.

No, I wouldn't say she's a flakey drunkard for drinking a lot at a dinner party, I've done that myself in my time. But I wouldn't be happy for her to have my DDs over whilst she's having such a party. I just wouldn't be comfortable with that arrangement.

I would also think she'd double booked herself by mistake, as I said before, as I can't imagine anyone choosing to host a dinner party when babysitting someone else's kids.

Unless the word party should really be rave yabu!!

@PerveenMistry Wow, what a reach. I never noticed OP stating she was angry at all. Rather that she's thinking it's not an ideal set up and that it's strange to offer to babysit and then arrange a dinner party, which it is. It's one thing having your own kids at home whilst hosting, but someone else's kids who have never slept over? Not ideal and a weird thing to do. Just because someone does not approve of a set up, it doesn't equate to them being angry.

I personally feel she has a right to be a little annoyed though. OPs friend offered to look after her kids of her own back and only towards the last minute stated she's hosting a dinner party. If it were a case of friend stating in the first place that she's hosting a dinner party but is happy to watch the kids, that would be a different situation entirely. OP could then basically say "thanks, but no thanks", instead of making plans thinking the situation will be one way and then it turns out to be another.

I'd actually feel differently about this if the children in question were 10 and 8. A 6 year old is still quite young and quite a few do get quite scared at the idea of being away from home overnight.

She's probably hoping you pull out.