Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I expecting too much? (On holiday with teen)

268 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2020 07:48

Am on holiday with my 17 yo daughter, just the two of us. Very lovely 5* hotel which I paid a lot for. I've rearranged this holiday several times due to Covid and we were very much looking forward to the break.

But I'm feeling a bit unappreciated as she doesn't seem to want to make the most of it. Complains she's not getting enough sleep and keeps disappearing for half the day to nap in the room. Is very moody if she hasn't had enough sleep. Wants to go up to bed at 10.30 most nights when there are bars and activities on til 1am.

I was meant to take her for a final blow-out holiday next year after A levels but I feel like sacking it off now and telling her to make (and pay for) her own plans with her friends as she doesn't seem to appreciate time spent with me or be grateful for the wonderful holiday I've arranged for her. Would that be unreasonable?

We usually get on very well so I thought this would be really fun. Left my husband at home (not her dad) so that we could have quality time together.

OP posts:
Gardenpad · 03/09/2020 20:19

We have tried all sorts of holidays with our teens but they don't work, even when they have been consulted and agreed destination and accomodation - we have decided to leave holidays for a couple of years - except weekend breaks - we get on fairly well normally but they have developed very different expectations of holidays - it costs too much for it not to work - I told them we wouldn't be doing it again, they were surprised but honestly I couldn't see why...they seem to forget how much of a compromise we all make - it just leaves everyone unhappy.

vanillandhoney · 03/09/2020 21:15

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Ok let me position it differently. I can't afford single occupancy in a 5* hotel. And I don't really want to compromise my standards. So it would appear that I've come to the best solution for all! 😊
Yes, heaven forbid you have to sleep in 4* accommodation Hmm
Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2020 21:30

I have no problem with 4 star. But 4 star with two rooms at single supplement costs WAY more than one room in a 5 star hotel.

Please do forgive my for wanting to treat my daughter to a luxury holiday.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 03/09/2020 23:40

I'm sorry but who on earth pays for single occupancy, even in a cheaper hotel?

Having my own room , and own en-suite, is my minimum for leaving home. I do share with DH, but even then... I know I snore but mostly it's because I value my own space. Not needing to coordinate waking and sleeping hours. Being able to switch on a light and read for a while anytime.

Minimum required for an enjoyable holiday.

No amount of five star luxury would make up for not having my own room.

So it would appear that I've come to the best solution for all! 😊

You may enjoy the luxury and feel that you can sleep when you get home. For some of us, luxury is no pleasure when we don't have our own spaces. It's about choice.

I'm also puzzled about your mentions of a single supplement. I've only ever used five star hotels on business, where the rate has been for the room.

Why would they levy a single supplement unless the accommodation is being subsidised by sales of food and drink?

DollyDoneMore · 04/09/2020 00:01

If you’re as snappy with your daughter as you are on here, it’s no wonder you’re not having the perfect girls’ holiday together.

onlinelinda · 04/09/2020 00:04

I suspect she wouldn't spend much time with you regardless of room arrangements. Teens of that age are like that . My DS certainly is.

singersarp · 04/09/2020 00:12

People have baited the OP into biting back....you should have left the 5* bit out OP. You cannot mention having money without people taking pot shots at you on Mumsnet.

I think your plan for next year is fine. Not all teenagers get a bloody holiday fund of their own. You've been more than generous. Let her crack on. In a few years I bet she'll want to try again and for you the memory of this holiday will have faded.

Intrepidintrovert · 04/09/2020 00:34

This morning she woke me at 7 huffing and bashing her pillows.

You say she woke you but YOU WOKE HER FIRST! I can totally feel her frustration. Being on holiday and it's 7am and she can't sleep in as someone is snoring 'lightly' Hmm in the room. OP insomnia is not the same as feeling that someone else is keeping you awake. As a snorer I know snoring is embarrassing and not your fault but you have to understand how horrid it is for other people.

shas19 · 04/09/2020 01:05

Some of these comments. Wow. I dont think you've done anything wrong, if anything shes being a bit shitty. Yes people snore, dp is doing it right now in my ear very loud. Doesnt mean I sleep the whole day the next day because im abit tired. Especially on a nice holiday I cannot for the life of me understand people who stay in the room the whole time, even hungover people are laying by the pool or at the beach. Think you need to stop spoiling her as much and let her realise herself what shes missed out on. Plan a holiday for next year with dp and like you said let her plan hers with friends.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 05:47

It does flabbergast me that I get criticized for being 'snappy' with strangers on the internet who are taking potshots at me, and it's assumed that I treat my daughter the same! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 05:48

Hope you got back to sleep @shas19

OP posts:
Flymetothesun · 04/09/2020 06:03

I feel for you Op, it's your holiday too.
We had a corker when DD was 17, they can be ridiculously selfish at that age.
Go with your DH next year and chalk it down to experience.

WordWarrior · 04/09/2020 07:38

@chocolatesaltyballs22 🌷 Hi. Firstly, let me say, I like your username. It's a South Park reference, isn't it ? The Chef ? - Anyway, I've just spent the last hour reading all of the comments on here. Wow ! - So many harsh comments ! - I think you're a great Mother to take your Daughter on Holiday, and I'm sorry it hasn't turned out quite as well as you both wanted. I do have a suggestion though, if you're both still on Holiday - Since you both have single beds, why not move them several metres apart ? That way, you'll both be far enough away from each other to have a bit more privacy, but you'll still be close enough to chat ? I have a daughter too, ( 26 now though ), and I wish we'd been as close as you and your daughter are with each other. My fault - I didn't spend enough time with her when she was younger. I'm her Dad, and I regret not being around for her when she needed me. I still see her, but we're not close. I think you're doing a great job as a Parent, and I think it's a shame there are so many judgemental people here on MN. I hope you can both enjoy the last few days of your holiday together. You clearly love her very much, and want the best for her. I think you've made the right decision about giving her a Holiday Fund to spend however she wants for next year, as 18 is a big deal for most teenagers. She'll be fine, you'll see. I'm no expert, but sometimes teenagers can seem distant. If she has something on her mind, I'm sure she'll talk to you about it when she's ready. Maybe take the pressure off yourself a bit, to relax ? Things have a way of working themselves out, you'll see.

pilates · 04/09/2020 07:53

It does seem a generational thing to go to bed late and sleep in late. My DS 16 is the same and has got into some dreadful sleeping habits since lockdown. It’s a shame it’s not worked out how you would like and can understand your annoyance. You sound a great mum btw for making the effort!

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 09:19

Thanks for the last couple of supportive posts and yes @WordWarrior, it's a South Park reference. Showing my age.

Things have improved since we had our chat yesterday. Just one more night for us to share a room and we're making the most of our last bit of time in this beautiful place, and feeling thankful that we managed to get away this year.

OP posts:
MeridaTheBold · 04/09/2020 10:23

You'd rather stay unhappily in a 5 star hotel room than booking a suite in a 5 star hotel so you could both have your own space and be able to sleep? Or book a suite in a 4 star hotel if your budget didn't stretch to a 5 star suite? I don't believe anyone is that foolish.

You keep saying this holiday would have been perfect with your DH (and I'm not at all surprised to discover he's not your DD's DF) Perhaps your DD is also sensing that you resent her being there and would prefer to be with your DH. I agree with a PP, there are some deep-rooted issues here. It's not about a hotel room or a holiday.

BadLad · 04/09/2020 10:32

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I have no problem with 4 star. But 4 star with two rooms at single supplement costs WAY more than one room in a 5 star hotel.

Please do forgive my for wanting to treat my daughter to a luxury holiday.

You don't fancy adopting me, do you? I haven't had a holiday this year.

My first choice was Madonna, but she didn't get back to me.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 10:50

Soz @BadLad, I reckon i have my hands full keeping up to the demands u daughter's 5 star lifestyle! 😂

Jesus, why do there always have to be 'deep rooted issues' on MN?!!

OP posts:
WordWarrior · 04/09/2020 16:13

@chocolatesaltyballs22 🌷Hi again. I just wanted to say that I'm glad that the last few days of your Holiday have improved for you and your Daughter, and it's good that you're close enough with her that you can talk through any tense moments. It clears the air, and improves the atmosphere. I wish my Mum was as supportive as you, but you don't get to choose your Parents, unfortunately. Anyway, I wouldn't bother replying to any negative comments if I was you. Those people are just toxic, and so should be ignored. As my Mum used to say - ' If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything. ' Take care of yourself, and each other.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 04/09/2020 16:39

Only on MN could a stroppy teen who gets input into choosing which 5* holiday to go on be described as a "poor girl." This place is batshit sometimes.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 16:45

Thankyou @WordWarrior.

And I totally agree @MyCatHatesEverybody!

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/09/2020 16:47

You keep saying this holiday would have been perfect with your DH (and I'm not at all surprised to discover he's not your DD's DF)

Also, may I ask why?! Am I now being judged for not being married to my daughter's dad? I was married to him for 10 years and he turned out to be an abusive arsehole who my daughter is practically NC with.

OP posts:
Chocolate4me · 04/09/2020 16:55

I'd be the same if on holiday with my Mum at 17 tbh, maybe next time she could take a friend, and you take your husband to get the best of both. I'd be knackered too if sharing a room and then staying up late for entertainment

Elizaaa · 04/09/2020 17:14

Next year, go on holiday with your DH instead op. She sounds ungrateful. I'd let her pay for her own holiday with her friends next year and after that, she might be more appreciative in the future.

Pinkpeanut27 · 04/09/2020 17:36

17 can be difficult, I have a 17 year old who gets up tired ! They are transitioning from child to adult and it’s really hard .
Maybe she doesn’t want to hang around the bar with her mum at night , she probably wants some time chatting to her friends .

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.