Am I expecting too much? (On holiday with teen)

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Am on holiday with my 17 yo daughter, just the two of us. Very lovely 5* hotel which I paid a lot for. I've rearranged this holiday several times due to Covid and we were very much looking forward to the break.

But I'm feeling a bit unappreciated as she doesn't seem to want to make the most of it. Complains she's not getting enough sleep and keeps disappearing for half the day to nap in the room. Is very moody if she hasn't had enough sleep. Wants to go up to bed at 10.30 most nights when there are bars and activities on til 1am.

I was meant to take her for a final blow-out holiday next year after A levels but I feel like sacking it off now and telling her to make (and pay for) her own plans with her friends as she doesn't seem to appreciate time spent with me or be grateful for the wonderful holiday I've arranged for her. Would that be unreasonable?

We usually get on very well so I thought this would be really fun. Left my husband at home (not her dad) so that we could have quality time together.

OP you are being completely reasonable and understandably miffed. My, much younger, kids can be similar and we have to drag them out - luxury resort or caravan in Wales. As soon as I can I’ll be leaving them home. I blame tech for them and they always enjoy it when out.

At 16 I went away with my dad and wasn’t sleeping all the time, it was self catering (slumming it in your DD’s eyes as we weren’t well off), so separate room shared with my sibling. At 18 I went away with my boyfriend and was out exploring every day. Going away with friends, who aren’t wealthy either, we’ve shared beds never mind rooms. And a bad night’s sleep didn’t stop us doing stuff all day - I suspect your DD wouldn’t behave like this with her friends. Don't help her too much with the planning as it’s good for her to realise what it involves.

For about the billionth time, she desperately wanted to come on this holiday. She chose it. I didn't force her. I could've come with my husband and left her at home, but she didn't want that.

I was also responding to the poster who said that I'd slept but she hadn't. I haven't either - not properly. But I'm choosing to make the best of our time here. I can sleep when I get home.

I love my daughter very much but sometimes she can act a bit spoilt. I think it'll do her good to see how far the budget I'm going to give her will go. And for her to realise that she'll have to share a room on that holiday as well.

Thanks @ShastaBeast, you get where I'm coming from.

It's like people are trying to be offended by you on this thread. How anyone can read a thread about a mother taking their daughter on an expensive holiday and feel the need to be this scathing I do not know. People are so extremely forgiving of anything a child of whatever age does, and so extremely unforgiving (to the point of fabricating fault) of anything the parent does.

why couldn't your husband and your daughter both come on the holiday with you? or did you want a 'girls only break?

Why was it a choice between your DD and your DH?

Or is he not her dad?

You have my sympathy holidays with teenagers are horrendous. Bone idle moody gits xx

Went shopping g for two hours with my mum this morning and that was enough for a week. 😂. 24 hours for several days would do me in at 17 and I do get on with my mum mostly.

I went on holiday with my mum when I was 17. Fancy hotel in Italy. She meant well but it was awful sharing a room, dining together every meal. No personal space or privacy. I was embarrassed by her talking to everyone. She wanted to go on boat trips and visit different cities to see the architecture. I was bored and refused after one day trip. We had rows about it. The heat was the unbearable so I spent nearly all the time in the room while she went off alone. We never went on holiday together again.

Looking back I was ungrateful but I was a teenager.

Don’t be too hard on your daughter. She sounds like she’s hating this holiday and only going along with it to please you. I doubt she knows or cares how much it cost, or views it as a ‘treat’. It sounds like you chose the place and took her as a companion?

Next year encourage her to go with friends her age.

I understand that your dd was involved in the planning and you picked a holiday that she said she wanted, but sometimes people, especially teenagers but also my husband, don’t quite know what they want. Even if you get on great this sounds like too much time with your mum with nothing much to do to me.

If you want to go on another trip with her next summer (and I don’t think you should give up on the idea just because this one hasn’t quite worked out) I would consider either something with more of an activity, maybe something where she could meet other teenagers. E.g if she likes sun and beach, learn to sail in Greece. Or do a weekend surfing course. Or go to a city like Barcelona with lots of cultural activities and a beach. I took my 16 year old to Orlando for a few days last summer, wouldn’t have been my first choice but she really wanted to go and we had a lovely time.

Wow you're very demanding of her. Chill out, she doesn't have to do what you want all the time just because you paid.

You sound very immature and self interested to me.

OP, that holiday's wasted on your daughter. I'd be interested to know how her next holiday with her friends goes. I have visions of some grotty old place in Europe. Or send her backpacking in SE Asia, the flights will cost, but you'll save by booking the cheapest & most basic room for around a fiver, cold showers, & not even a fan in those temperatures, then there's the mozzies ... It'll be a real education, & one she wont forget.

OP, how do you want to spend the rest of your holiday? Do you think you could each pick one thing to do together each day/evening and then have the rest of the time free (to nap/hang out separately, maybe hang out together)?

I dont think you're unreasonable to be disappointed that you're not spending more time together especially if you saw this as a bit of a milestone, and it sounds as though your DD doesn't appreciate the money that you've spent and maybe is used to having it all handed to her holiday wise, but that's not going to change this week so just work with what you've got.

You're sensible to change plans for next year. Let her learn the cost/value of a holiday a bit? Is she going to earn and contribute to it?

I've said I'll give her a certain amount and she has to earn anything extra she needs. She does have a part time job. She is talking about a shared villa but I don't really think she has any idea of the costs involved.

She had a long nap and came to join me later on, and we have a dinner reservation tonight. I'm just going to make the best of the last couple of days and let her sleep if she needs to.

My main reason for posting was to ask for advice regarding next year, and some of the responses have definitely made my mind up so thanks.

The reason my husband isn't here (he's not her dad, btw, although we have holidayed together before) is because this was meant to be a girl's holiday (should have happened at Easter, but didn't for obvious reasons). I promised her that we would still make it happen if possible.

Op, ignore some of the nasty responses, they are baiting you. Your intentions were good.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 - I think you are probably doing the right thing offering her money to go on a holiday with friends (would you also be OK if she travelled alone?) rather than going away with you next time. I take issue with you raising it and trying to sort it out now, though, when you are clearly both tired and ratty with each other! Regardless of what you are actually saying to her about next year’s holiday arrangements, I cannot believe that your tone of voice and body language when you discussed this did not betray your petulant thoughts about her friends, your disbelief that they could organise anything half as brilliant as you could (or anything at all), and about how much nicer the holiday would have been with your dh instead of her.

As a matter if interest, why did you not follow the advice not to raise next year with her now, but to wait until you had both calmed down a bit?

Your intentions were great and very loving, but why she agreed to go with you I will never know! Far more fun to be had with friends at that age - and I consider teen holidays to be one long party fest, or I would find the whole thing very boring and unattractive stuck there with my mother.
Five star hotels are not fun unless there is a good DJ and beach vibe, young people to make new friends and pref some very good looking local young men. Sampling the cultural delights of the area so to speak!

My dd now only honours us with her presence for holidays for the instagram photos apparently

You have my sympathy holidays with teenagers are horrendous. Bone idle moody gits xx

Not all - I have had some fantastic holidays with my teens- especially me teenage DD.
We love all the same things, swimming, sunbathing, yoga classes, walks by the beach, good food, hair braiding, toenail painting, reading books, exploring.
My DD is already asking me when we can book up for our next holiday.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. You've organised a lovely holiday which you both wanted and it hasn't panned out how either of you had hoped. It's just one of those things and I expect maybe she has now realised that she doesn't want to holiday with her mum.
Luxury 5* hotels are probably wasted on teens anyway. I'm nearly 40 and haven't been on holiday with my folks since i was in my early twenties. I'd given anything for my mum to pay for such a holiday for me now!
You're doing the right thing about next year's holiday as well. Try and enjoy the time you have left there.

"I'm sorry but who on earth pays for single occupancy".....

My dad did - the only way er could ever survive a vacation together. And that was 5 star hotel, not sone cheap one...
No need for the attitude. It was merely a suggestion to help with your problem. But it seems you don't want a solution the way you are shooting everything down.

Ok let me position it differently. I can't afford single occupancy in a 5* hotel. And I don't really want to compromise my standards. So it would appear that I've come to the best solution for all! 😊

Standards of what tho? Decor or enjoyable holidays?

You seem to have come to a solution for next year.

By the way, 4 star hotels are OK and without bed bugs!