Am I expecting too much? (On holiday with teen)

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Am on holiday with my 17 yo daughter, just the two of us. Very lovely 5* hotel which I paid a lot for. I've rearranged this holiday several times due to Covid and we were very much looking forward to the break.

But I'm feeling a bit unappreciated as she doesn't seem to want to make the most of it. Complains she's not getting enough sleep and keeps disappearing for half the day to nap in the room. Is very moody if she hasn't had enough sleep. Wants to go up to bed at 10.30 most nights when there are bars and activities on til 1am.

I was meant to take her for a final blow-out holiday next year after A levels but I feel like sacking it off now and telling her to make (and pay for) her own plans with her friends as she doesn't seem to appreciate time spent with me or be grateful for the wonderful holiday I've arranged for her. Would that be unreasonable?

We usually get on very well so I thought this would be really fun. Left my husband at home (not her dad) so that we could have quality time together.

You've booked this expensive hotel for you, not her.

She's 17, some are happy to hang out with mum, shoot the breeze and party all evening but most are not.

I agree with her going with her friends next time.

I also agree with the hotel entertainment comment: I can't abide it and I'm asleep but 10.30 as well because holidays are for recharging and I like my sleep more than I like cheap alcohol.

@FrankskinnerscRoc

OP, that holiday's wasted on your daughter. I'd be interested to know how her next holiday with her friends goes. I have visions of some grotty old place in Europe. Or send her backpacking in SE Asia, the flights will cost, but you'll save by booking the cheapest & most basic room for around a fiver, cold showers, & not even a fan in those temperatures, then there's the mozzies ... It'll be a real education, & one she wont forget.

She'll probably have the time of her life. It seems that it is the company that matters to the DD, not the surroundings. She's already discovered that what matters is feeling comfortable with your companion, not overpriced towels and a choice of four pools. You'll get mosquitoes in most places, they don't use Instagram or show off to their pals so couldn't care less about five star locations.

Just a normal teenage thing. My 15 year old daughter was exactly the same last year. We were in an amazing resort too. Beautiful view from the balcony and and just sat in the room. I left her to it xx

My ds is a year younger.

He always gets tired on holiday and so do I tbh!

At home he'll sit and watch tv until 11 and get up at 7. Swim a few evenings a week and some mornings.

As soon as we go away it hits him like a tonne of bricks.

I plan busy day and rest day.

So a day if going somewhere in morning, chill by pool in afternoon or a rest in room and then a later evening.

Next day we have a chilled day which means beach or something and lunch out. He still sleeps for hours on the beach and I just read!

I honestly have no idea why but he just seems exhausted away! This is a compromise that allows him time to chill and feel fresh for days out and also doesn't leave me sitting around waiting for him for hours whilst he sleeps.

Reading this thread is like entering an alternate universe. There are children all over the world being abused, teenagers who are working to support their families, children (even in the Uk) living in poverty, and children who aren’t living in poverty but have never been on holiday abroad.

And here is a thread where the OP, who has spent a shitload of money treating her daughter to a luxury holiday of her daughter’s choosing, and has some minimum expectations for her daughter’s behaviour, is being made out to be a bad mother.

I have never had a holiday paid for by my parents, didn’t have a penny from them during university, not a penny for my wedding, house, anything. But when I have received small gifts, I have been grateful - even when I was 17. Expectations of minimal good manners shouldn’t be abandoned just because someone is a certain age (unless they are still a toddler). I refuse to believe the OP is being unreasonable in expecting a little cooperation and gratitude from her daughter who she is treating to an extravagant gift.

Are you sure there isn’t something else she’s doing when she sneaks off to the room alone? It’s the sort of thing I’d have done at that age, a diversionary tactic to have a sneaky ciggie.

And here is a thread where the OP, who has spent a shitload of money treating her daughter to a luxury holiday of her daughter’s choosing, and has some minimum expectations for her daughter’s behaviour, is being made out to be a bad mother.

Not a bad mother, just one with unrealistic expectations.

17yo's don't want to spend a week sharing a bedroom with their snoring mother, regardless of whether they're sleeping in 5* luxury or not.

Being stuck lying awake next to someone who's snoring when you're absolutely exhausted is an awful feeling.

She’s been a dick. You sound patient, wonderful and generous.

She’s been a dick. You sound patient, wonderful and generous.

You are seriously calling a 17 year old girl “a dick”. To her mother!!
You sound lovely.

I'm not offended by the dick reference, it's the language I'd use sometimes! 😂 Stop being so bloody offended by stuff.

Anyway I'm pleased to report that she's stopped being a dick. We've had a lovely day today and lots of laughs. Sadly going home tomorrow but I hope she remembers this holiday for a long time.

Glad you've had a good time today OP.
Next year's plan sounds like it will work.

We took our DDs to Wales on a farm this year, they loved the farm but didn't want me and DH hanging about or trying to take them out anywhere - they are 9 and 11... They wanted to hang out with the sheep, cows and pigs more than us 😂.

The last family holiday I went on with my parents was aged 15, and we went to a night club in Portugal- I wanted the floor to swallow me up! After that I either went away with my mates (camping usual - all of us on a budget) or on volunteering holidays.

She's stopped being a dick because she is so close to leaving and finally getting away from the hell she has just gone through.

Shes your daughter, not your bestie, i feel sorry for her!!

I'm sorry but who on earth pays for single occupancy, even in a cheaper hotel? I don't believe that any of you do. Single occupancy rooms in say a 3 star would still cost much more than this holiday has.

Me. I do. It is absolutely awful if you can't get the sleep you want. Who wants to share a room with a snorer? Nearly nobody. And she's a light sleeper. TBH you probably should have stumped up for separate rooms and gone for a cheaper hotel - an idea for next year?

I would have loved to have had a mum like you. She’s a bit old at 17 to be ungrateful like it sounds she’s being. It’s always the way with kids, try hard and give them what you think they want and they don’t appreciate it and withhold affection and be a selfish shite mum and the kids are desperate spend quality time with you!

Op your dd sounds very immature and ungrateful. It sounds like she's akin to the finer things in life and anything other than perfect just doesn't cut it.

FWIW I took my mum, Nan and aunt to new York for nans 70th and although we stayed in the Hilton I could only afford one room so We had 2 double beds in 1 room. 2 of my relatives snored like troopers. Earplugs were a godsend! Regardless of that we had the best time!

*She's stopped being a dick because she is so close to leaving and finally getting away from the hell she has just gone through.

Shes your daughter, not your bestie, i feel sorry for her!!*

What an awfully vindictive thing to say to someone who has provided a perfectly pleasant holiday for her daughter and feels, given that she is actually there and knows her daughter, that it has actually resolved positively.

Why on Earth do you know better? You have no idea what OP and her daughter have done or talked about today. You have no idea that OPs daughter feels a week of disturbed sleep has been "hell". Why did you feel the need to try and strip away the joy OP was feeling at the end of her trip and make her feel it had been a total failure, for the crime of snoring slightly?

She's missing her mates and her boyfriend.

I can’t believe some of the responses you’ve had chocolatesaltyballs suggesting your dd is a poor tortured child!

I have a 17-year-old dd and I would hate to share a room with her, probably more so than the other way around

I was remembering though that my mum took me on a holiday to Austria when I was 17. We’d planned it in advance and I was keen for sure over 6 months before going but as it got closer I started to wish I wasn’t going. We were sharing a room too. No matter how much I tried to enjoy it, I just didn’t want to be there. I must have been a moody idiot because one evening I overheard my mum crying in bed. She told me how important this holiday was and that she thought it would be our last one as I’d be too old and that she was sick to death of me moping around. To my credit, I took it all on board and changed my attitude for the rest of the holiday, she was much happier, I still inside just didn’t want to be there.

Mum has advanced dementia now, in a care home, I would give anything to nip back in time and appreciate her more for that holiday.

@Alwaysoutofreach you really are a nasty piece of work aren't you. I can smell the jealousy from here. Do your kids hate you?

@TheLittleDogLaughed that's a touching story. Holidays with kids who are growing up too fast are special times, and I bet your mum appreciated you making the effort.

Yanbu op. you really sacrificed alot for making this happen and she is just frankly ungrateful. Any nice person would recognize that and at a bare minimum be respectful and grateful. How difficult is it for her to spend one night out with you just enjoying the entertainment. She is too wrapped up in her selfishness.

Have you checked she may be experiencing:
Depression/stress
Insomnia
Iron levels
Your snoring
Work / boyfriend etc troubles she hasn't opened up about
10 years of having an abusive dad now NC
Heavy period
Teenagers need loads more sleep than you

Perhaps do a shorter holiday op next time, let her pay for her own holiday with mates if she wants to go somewhere. You can still have quality time without a2week luxury holiday. Priorities are different when your 17/18.

Omfg this thread is ridiculous. I don't know what planet some people are on - "the hell she has gone through" - staying in a 5 star hotel for a week??? Can only think posters like this are arseholes on a wind up.

OP - you've done nothing wrong. Have a fantastic holiday with your husband next year and let your daughter sort herself out with her plans with her pals.

We've taken our teen sons all over the world and had some great holidays, but I'm under no illusion that any of those trump DS2 (17) three nights in a tent with his mates an hour from home.
I loved my DM and might have wanted to appease her need for a 'girls' holiday cringe but the reality would be very different.
The whole luxury holiday thing sounds like massive over compensation for her father's previous behaviour.