Am I expecting too much? (On holiday with teen)

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Am on holiday with my 17 yo daughter, just the two of us. Very lovely 5* hotel which I paid a lot for. I've rearranged this holiday several times due to Covid and we were very much looking forward to the break.

But I'm feeling a bit unappreciated as she doesn't seem to want to make the most of it. Complains she's not getting enough sleep and keeps disappearing for half the day to nap in the room. Is very moody if she hasn't had enough sleep. Wants to go up to bed at 10.30 most nights when there are bars and activities on til 1am.

I was meant to take her for a final blow-out holiday next year after A levels but I feel like sacking it off now and telling her to make (and pay for) her own plans with her friends as she doesn't seem to appreciate time spent with me or be grateful for the wonderful holiday I've arranged for her. Would that be unreasonable?

We usually get on very well so I thought this would be really fun. Left my husband at home (not her dad) so that we could have quality time together.

Sleep deprivation is a thing.

Insisting upon five star luxury and then having to share a room would just not work for me.

She sounds very disrespectful to you. I would of loved a holiday at 17 with my mum. Had to wait till I was in my 30s due to finances. You sound like a lovely mum and can understand how upset you are x

Am I now being judged for not being married to my daughter's dad?
No, not at all. It's just that you seem to be over-compensating and there's a disconnect in the way you talk about your DD and your DH. It points to your disappointment/heightened emotions being tied to deeper issues which is what I said in my post.

Omfg this thread is ridiculous. I don't know what planet some people are on - "the hell she has been through" - staying in a 5 star hotel for a week??? Can only think posters like this are arseholes on a wind up

I must admit I keep laughing to myself at the idea of this situation being "hell". Most of us on here are parents and have had months or years of disturbed sleep, it's a most ridiculous form of hyperbole to describe one week of it as "hell".

Tbh every time I see a poster telling OP she is ridiculous to ask anything more than open disdain from her teenager, and a terrible mother for not pandering to her better, or that hasn't grown up to realise as an adult that a holiday is a very generous gift and not a horrific chore OP is selfishly putting her poor daughter through, a part of me thinks "well of course you think that, you clearly had a case of dramatic, spoilt brat yourself that never went away, from the tone of your comment."

OPs daughter doesn't sound like half as much of a teenager nightmare as many of the posters on here clearly still are were.

aSofaNearYou it always surprises me how unobjective and critical some women can be towards other women. They must have been the nasty girls at school.

Or maybe they have shit lives themselves and take it out on strangers online who appear to have more than them.

I just think it's a case of the reality not matching up to the expectation of either of you.

It's difficult with teenagers, as your children grow up you have to periodically reassess your relationship and remember that 17 year olds have impulsive brains. So a year ago (or whenever you planned the trip) the teenage brain might have heard "holiday, 5* hotel" and thought yaayyy, and not really thought about what sharing a room would mean.

And those saying that parents all know what lack of sleep is like - have a word with yourselves. If you can remember being so tired that you could cry, you can also probably remember that you'd have had an afternoon nap without a second though had the opportunity arrived. Being 17 isn't like being the parent of a newborn.

Furthermore, on sleep, teenagers need a LOT. My daughter can easily sleep 12 hours if she gets the chance.

And those saying that parents all know what lack of sleep is like - have a word with yourselves. If you can remember being so tired that you could cry, you can also probably remember that you'd have had an afternoon nap without a second though had the opportunity arrived. Being 17 isn't like being the parent of a newborn.

I'm assuming this comment is directed at me, since I haven't noticed anyone else mention this. But yes, being a parent of a newborn is different from being 17 - it's much, much harder. I wasn't commenting on OPs daughter taking naps, I was commenting on how hysterical it is for posters to describe one single week of disturbed sleep, with zero responsibilities throughout the days and plenty of naps taken, as "the hell she has just been through".

@chocolatesaltyballs22 oh yes so jealous 😂

These replies are so outside of my reality. My parents took us on a cruise for mh 18th and to New York for my brother's 18th. We made the most of every second... we understood the expense they had gone to! We shared rooms and my parents had planned different activities that we did. OPs daughter does sound ungrateful. Why can't she nap on a sun lounger? Why make such a fuss about ear plugs.

Sorry OP sounds really disappointing for you especially after lockdown I imagine you were really looking forward to it. My advise would be to do your own thing... book some activities for yourself and enjoy some of the kater entertainment and let your duaghter nap the week away.

Ah op. I’ve been your daughter. My guess is she might have a few worries or stresses going on. But she might just be a bit ungrateful and that’s normal too at 17. I had similar holidays with my mum (and my mum and dad). I knew at the time I was being a bit bratty. I wish now I hadn’t been so bratty.

Sounds like you’re having a better time now.

I think that maybe some posters don’t get or misunderstand the context with your daughters dad. Abuse In the past is always relevant at some level. Going through that leaves it mark on parents and children. Maybe here the pressure to have fun seems slightly amplified. Maybe not! Anyway. Enjoy the last bit of your holiday. Why don’t you have a few weekends away over the year instead next year? Short bursts with less pressure?

@Alwaysoutofreach

She's stopped being a dick because she is so close to leaving and finally getting away from the hell she has just gone through.

Shes your daughter, not your bestie, i feel sorry for her!!

Time to update the "Why are people on here so dramatic?" thread.

@Cactuslove - I’m not sure why someone should be forced to nap on a sunlounger when they have a lovely 5-star bedroom to sleep in! Either way, you’re not “doing” anything. If the napping during the day was just going up to the room instead of napping outside on a sunlounger, I wouldn’t see that as an issue. If it was preventing trips out to see and do things, or nice meals together, then that’s an issue.

Just go off in the morning and do something fun without her instead of dragging her out of bed. You'll feel better and she may be FOMOd into joining you the next day. Or not. But give her the choice.

Sounds like a normal teen to me!

My son at 17 was a 'sleep in late' lad (still is). I used to let him on holiday, because he had to get up early for school all the rest of the time.

No biggie - I'd go off and do whatever I wanted, or sit reading for the morning while he slept.

It's not a rejection of you or the holiday, it's just what her body needs.

And yes, earplugs are painful.

If you genuinely weren't being spiteful re her going on holiday with her mates rather than you next year you could ask her which she would prefer? And try not to make her choice mean anything other than her becoming her own person and making her own choices.

We're back now and she's been talking about what a lovely time she had.

I wasn't being spiteful at all re next year and I've said I'll give her some money to spend on a holiday with her mates. She's very happy with this.

Bloody teenagers