To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

Honestly just leave him, my ex stonewalled me all the time. I used to beg him to talk to me and he wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Then when he was ready he would start talking to me like nothing had happened, or he would try to ask why I was in a mood or similar. Always my fault. It made me ill.

I left, and the only thing I can say is I wish I had left earlier. Year and years ago.

It’s abusive, and control. Leave him, it won’t get better.

YANBU to leave him..

And by that I mean, dump his shit outside, lock the doors, leave a note saying he no longer lives there and he can communicate via his solicitors, ta ta.

Then block him on everything.

Fucking hell! Yes ltb

Sack him off, he's being an a hole.

This sounds horrible. I'm going through similar, but with a so called 'friend'. I have never been blocked before, it's a new one on me, but I find it incredibly painful.

Since this guy is your partner I say something needs to change (dump him). I cannot stand it in friendship terms, couldn't imagine my partner behaving this way.

Leave him!

Whst a diminishing and demoralising relationship.

My mother is like this. You cannot makesomebody suddenly connect and communicate when avoidance and stonewalling is their way of dealing with conflict

He's using this as a 'who blinks first' contest and is relying on you to as that's what's previously happened. Personally, I would simply block him and just get on with things as though he isn't there. Like he's a ghost you can't see. But don't do anything for him that you usually might. Be upbeat and enthusiastic around the kids and just completely blank him. No it's not particularly mature but you can't let him treat you so badly and then you end up making the peace! As soon as you can, definitely leave the sulky twat.

Yes leave him. This is abusive behaviour.

Awful. His behaviour is controlling and manipulative. Just get rid.

God yeah! Get rid of him. My ex used to do this too and at first it was awful but after a while I really didn't care and the last time he tried it I just pretended he didn't exist either, I just breezed about getting on with my life and totally ignoring his existence.
I carried it on for a week and he cracked first.
That's no way to live obviously and this among a load of other shit things he did is why he's an ex and its so relaxing not having to worry anymore about setting him off!

Leave. No joy with this man.

What an arsehole. What is the housing situation?

This is abusive, controlling behaviour, @Merriden - he uses the silent/blocking treatment to punish you and to force you to give in to him.

You deserve so much better!

100% agree with your instinct. This relationship won’t work due to his over the top passive aggressiveness.
Personally I absolutely hate this type of behaviour. It tells me the person does not care enough to solve any problem or inevitable frictions (such as child care arrangements), and is happy to live without me as he so successfully demonstrates. I need someone to return the love and affection I show. Someone to appreciate all the efforts I make and reciprocate.
You shouldn’t be wasting time with someone who is obviously perfectly okay without you.

That's coercive control. Why do you need a bunch of strangers to endorse your decision to get rid of the waste of space?

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way

Actually that means that as a relationship it is never ok - you are always controlled by him, which is a long way from being an acceptable relationship.

@honeygirlz

What an arsehole. What is the housing situation?

It’s my house. I own it and he lives with me.

I’m the main wage earner and can run the house without his contribution. So from that point of view, I’m ok.

What are you waiting for ?

Get on with getting shut

*It’s my house. I own it and he lives with me.

I’m the main wage earner and can run the house without his contribution. So from that point of view, I’m ok.*

In that case, I'd be getting the locks changed and his stuff bagged up ASAP. Out he goes.

Wow, you're in a good situation. The next time he leaves the house get the lock smith in and when the locksmith has left, text him ''it's over''

Then you don't have to let him come home tonight.

Put a note on the door, tell him he needs to go elsewhere tonight and you'll pack this things up to collect.

Great! You can leave his bags outside the door and change the locks

@user18534687433234

That's coercive control. Why do you need a bunch of strangers to endorse your decision to get rid of the waste of space?

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way

Actually that means that as a relationship it is never ok - you are always controlled by him, which is a long way from being an acceptable relationship.

I think I’ve been so worn down that I wasn’t 100% sure that I was right.

When I finally relent and agree with his opinion for an easy life, the first thing he does is give me a list of all the reasons why I’m useless, stupid, thick etc... and why he’s right, and he had to stonewall to stop himself from getting angry/wound up by my behaviour.

Somewhere down the line I guess I’ve started to believe him.

Today’s argument was because I have gained a promotion which requires working 5 days a week instead of the 4 I do now. I’ve decided to put DS in nursery for 5 days as DP refuses to be flexible with his flexible job.

He also has a habit of saying he’ll have DS on non-nursery days and then disappearing at the last minute sometimes leaving me in a mess for work. So I felt nursery was a better all-round solution. DP does not and rather than find a better one or be consistent himself, he’s decided to ignore me. Presumably until I withdraw from the new job as he’s long had an issue with my wages being higher than his.

Reading these responses, and to be honest, writing all this down have really reminded me how toxic this all is.

If he returns tonight, I will be asking him to leave by the weekend and if not, I will be emailing him first thing as that’s the only method of contact I can think of!

So glad to see you are leaving him, or rather you asking him to rightly fuck off! What a miserable life and environment for your DC (and you). Well done!!

He’s a fucking selfish twat.

Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all. aside from the fact that his behaviour is controlling and manipulative, if he didn’t learn not to be such a complete arse from this then there is no hope.

Dump him and change the locks.