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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

393 replies

Merriden · 02/09/2020 18:16

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 02/09/2020 19:23

YABU to bring your dc up in a house where daddy bullies mummy. Get shot. So many reasons why he isn't a decent father or partner. Plenty of reasons to end this non relationship.

EarlGreyT · 02/09/2020 19:24

I cross posted with your update which makes him sound even worse. I think your life will become a whole lot easier and better without him.

Dontbeme · 02/09/2020 19:26

If he returns tonight, I will be asking him to leave by the weekend and if not, I will be emailing him first thing

Just email him now to tell him he can collect his stuff on Sunday afternoon, why wait for him to grace you with his presence. Change the locks this evening. You and the DC deserve better than this OP.

Mikki69 · 02/09/2020 19:27

Pack his belongings into bin liners and leave them outside. When he comes home leave the door locked! Tell him that he behaves worse than a toddler he can go find someone who is prepared to mother him (as opposed to smothering him... in his sleep!) and put up with his infantile coercive behaviour! Then go live your life!

willowmelangell · 02/09/2020 19:28

Have my first LTB.
Don't waste anymore of your life on this man. My ex used to do this to me. Ignoring me in the room. Our dd picked up on it, it made her really anxious. Didn't stop him though. Because he was always right.

Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 19:35

@Dontbeme

If he returns tonight, I will be asking him to leave by the weekend and if not, I will be emailing him first thing

Just email him now to tell him he can collect his stuff on Sunday afternoon, why wait for him to grace you with his presence. Change the locks this evening. You and the DC deserve better than this OP.

I genuinely have absolutely no idea where he would go so felt a few day’s notice would be fair to him.
OP posts:
MostTacticalNameChange · 02/09/2020 19:41

Well done OP.

I've been where you are and get the feeling of wondering if it's your fault/if only you'd not provoked it etc.

It's a degrading and tedious way to live and soon you will be free! Yay!

SteakExpectations · 02/09/2020 19:42

Change the locks and leave his stuff outside. You tried to contact him, but unfortunately you can’t because he’s blocked you!

Jpowe · 02/09/2020 19:44

My husband would only block me once and vid be gone. Oh and he'd be blocked for good. That's a relationship, you deserve better

Mummypipxx · 02/09/2020 19:45

My ex was exactly like this, added with violence and psychological abuse. This is emotional abuse how your partner gets.. This behaviour doesn't change. Get yourself out and your children also

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2020 19:48

so felt a few day’s notice would be fair to him.

He is completely discourteous to you but you can choose to be the bigger person if it's important to you.

Bear in mind he will mess you around with contact times as well!

Coffeecak3 · 02/09/2020 19:48

He blocked you with no notice.
Fairness doesn't work because if it did you would be equal in this relationship.

Lock him out it's not your problem if he wasn't contactable.

carly2803 · 02/09/2020 19:49

you own the house?
and financially ok?

out he goes!
i would give him 48 hours notice and leave his shit outside

Tistheseason17 · 02/09/2020 19:50

YANBU - he seems to be ok when he's ignoring you and he's going somewhere, then. I'd change locks and live the life you should be!

Tappering · 02/09/2020 19:51

I genuinely have absolutely no idea where he would go so felt a few day’s notice would be fair to him.

Well he could take himself off to a hotel , or his parents, or a friend.

Of course if he hadn't blocked you then you could have texted him to give him notice. But by being an arsehole he's put himself in this position. Bag his shit up, leave it ideally covered over outside and get the locks changed. If he pounds on the door or tries to play silly buggers then tell him you'll call the police.

FrolickingLemon · 02/09/2020 19:53

Your title alone is enough to make me shiver. Anyone who blocks you temporarily or otherwise is not worth your time. You must know this, deep down?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 02/09/2020 19:57

Why wait til Sunday. Lock the door tonight and leave him to it. And don’t listen to any of his excuses when he realises he’s ducked up the good deal he had

PileofToss · 02/09/2020 19:59

I genuinely have absolutely no idea where he would go

Well he’s found somewhere to be now? And potentially tonight as you said he may not come home. So I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Email him now and tell him you want him out, he honestly sounds absolutely abhorrent.

CrazylazyJane · 02/09/2020 20:00

Good lord! Kick him out. He doesn't seem to bring anything to the relationship except grief.

You are so right about it modelling how your daughters should expect to be treated my a partner. As someone who grew up in a domestically abusive home, it's hard to rectify learnt / experienced behaviours. Do it for you but also do it for your children.

refusetobeasheep · 02/09/2020 20:01

Do you think he may refuse to leave? Mine did, even though i too owned the house and we were not married.

Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 20:01

@Coffeecak3

He blocked you with no notice. Fairness doesn't work because if it did you would be equal in this relationship. Lock him out it's not your problem if he wasn't contactable.
This is so true.

I’m trying to be fair to someone who isn’t fair to me.

I’ve locked the door. Will send an email when all the kids are in bed so I can concentrate.

Where do I stand legally if I leave his belongings on the drive?

OP posts:
BaconsLaw · 02/09/2020 20:02

Make sure you tell him you're doing it.

Abitlikeabiscuit · 02/09/2020 20:02

OP wow what a bastard! The first post was bad enough but I really can't believe your update with him trying to force you to give up your promotion, that's unbelievable. The sooner he goes the sooner you can work on being happy again. All the best, we're here for you!

Icloud54 · 02/09/2020 20:05

Think of the children here, he's modelling this abusive behaviour around them.. they will grow up thinking it's normal.

Please kick him out for their sake!

Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 20:05

@refusetobeasheep

Do you think he may refuse to leave? Mine did, even though i too owned the house and we were not married.
I think he will go because in his head, he thinks I’ll come crawling back and him going ‘willingly’ will almost give him leverage in the hypothetical next argument.

if that makes any sense

OP posts: