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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

393 replies

Merriden · 02/09/2020 18:16

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

OP posts:
Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 20:07

@Icloud54

Think of the children here, he's modelling this abusive behaviour around them.. they will grow up thinking it's normal.

Please kick him out for their sake!

This is the main reason I want him out.

He’s emotionally abusive, I’m full of resentment.

It in in no way a good model for the kids to see and think is normal.

OP posts:
Fink · 02/09/2020 20:07

If you want to let him in for a few days then make sure you know how he will take it. I wouldn't let him in at all if there's any chance he would try to empty the house/start a fight/trash stuff. If you think he wouldn't do any of that, then maybe give him until the weekend. I wouldn't risk it based on what you've posted.

Also make sure he doesn't have access to your money, as once he knows you're ending it, he could go out and spend it all. If you have a joint account, I'd be withdrawing most of it except what you need to cover bills and putting it into your own account in preparation for closing the joint account.

tsmainsqueeze · 02/09/2020 20:08

In these situations i am always so relieved when the op says its their house and they have their own money .
Get rid , enjoy your promotion - congratulations ! , don't look back and have a great time with your new life !

BaconsLaw · 02/09/2020 20:09

@refusetobeasheep

Do you think he may refuse to leave? Mine did, even though i too owned the house and we were not married.
What happened then?
AnyFucker · 02/09/2020 20:10

It doesn't matter how he goes as long as he fucks off

Let him play his silly mind games in his own head. You have a promotion to plan for and a life to lead that does not include pandering to a loser like this

Jayaywhynot · 02/09/2020 20:10

Good lock OP, if he comes back and kicks off dont hesitate to call the police, let us know what happens Flowers

BojoKilledMyMojo · 02/09/2020 20:12

LTB is very overused on mumsnet.

However, in your case its very apt. He sounds atrocious and I certainly wouldn't want to spend my days trying to negotiate fairness with somebody who acts like a toddler.

BuffaloCauliflower · 02/09/2020 20:14

He’s an abusive arsehole and he deserves not one jot of fairness from you.

If it’s your home entirely and he’s not on the mortgage there should be no legal issues with just plonking his stuff outside.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 02/09/2020 20:15

If he didn’t learn when your son was hospitalised then he will never learn.

Jellykat · 02/09/2020 20:16

So relieved you recognise his controlling tactics are 100 % Abusive .

Am behind you for getting rid, do not waste any more of your life on this shit.. stand firm, and be prepared, he could use a myriad of tactics to stay.

Calabasa · 02/09/2020 20:20

If you own the house, you're not married and he's not on the mortgage, then its his problem and he can't do anything!

Send him an email, leave his stuff on the drive.

If he was contactable, you'd be able to tell him to come collect his shit, as he isn't, again, not your problem. Fuck him.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 20:20

Definitely kick him out. Your children don't need this in their lives. Can you order new barrels for your door locks and get someone to change them so that he can't let himself in?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/09/2020 20:23

It’s my house. I own it and he lives with me. I’m the main wage earner and can run the house without his contribution. So from that point of view, I’m ok.

Get the bugger out!

Don't ask him to leave -pck up his stuff in bin liners and have it ready for him. Get the locks changed as soon as you can.

He'll probably refuse to leave - may even tell you why you are being unreasonable about it all. Don't give him the chance.

mummmy2017 · 02/09/2020 20:23

Time to take back your home and life.
Email and text him, that this time is the last time.

ChikiTIKI · 02/09/2020 20:24

You're doing the right thing. Your promotion will help towards the loss of his income.

Think of all the stress you will save yourself from by not living in his awful atmosphere that he creates.

Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 20:24

@Calabasa

If you own the house, you're not married and he's not on the mortgage, then its his problem and he can't do anything!

Send him an email, leave his stuff on the drive.

If he was contactable, you'd be able to tell him to come collect his shit, as he isn't, again, not your problem. Fuck him.

I own the house outright (inherited) so there’s no mortgage and no we aren’t married.
OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/09/2020 20:24

I genuinely have absolutely no idea where he would go so felt a few day’s notice would be fair to him.

That's his problem.

SentientAndCognisant · 02/09/2020 20:26

Congratulations on new promotion esp current climate
Christ he sounds horrid and moody. You don’t need a controlling man
Get shot of him pronto
Change the locks too

SarahBellam · 02/09/2020 20:28

Congratulations on your promotion. Delighted you’re going to kick out that abusive prick, Mr Numbnuts, and enjoy your life and your children. You don’t need to put up with that shit from anyone.

Original poster
Merriden · 02/09/2020 20:30

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

Definitely kick him out. Your children don't need this in their lives. Can you order new barrels for your door locks and get someone to change them so that he can't let himself in?
Hadn’t thought of this. There is nothing to stop him letting himself in tomorrow whilst I’m at work and potentially being difficult to remove when he knows I’n serious and this is over.

If I called in late to work, (and explained) would it be possible/likely to get a locksmith out in the morning?

Also to the earlier comment about finances, no joint account. Everything is in my name. To be honest, he has only ever contributed £140 a month to the household for the last four years anyway. Thankfully, I’m fortunate enough that I won’t really miss it.

OP posts:
ThirstyGhost · 02/09/2020 20:30

Well done OP. Honest to God, these men are AWFUL. It never gets any better. I'm so pleased to hear that your housing situation, finances, etc... are all good. Better, brighter things lie ahead for you.

StripeyDeckchair · 02/09/2020 20:32

My exH did this - literally would not acknowledging my presence. For days, weeks even.

He would go away to visit mutual friends without telling me, lie why I & DTs weren't there so convincingly they believed him.

It is soul destroying & made me question my sanity.

This and neglect of DTs was why I left him. He didn't see that any of his behaviour was wrong and had no intention of changing his behaviour.

Get rid

Krampusasbabysitter · 02/09/2020 20:33

Well done OP on the promotion and finding the resolve to stand up to this controlling, abusive wanker. But now you are ending this toxic relationship, it is of no concern nor your responsibility where this A hole is going to live! There are plenty of very cheap hostels etc. It's down to him to find a place and the consequence of bullying you in your own space. Get the locks changed ASAP and if necessary, increase general security. You will feel such relief!

As for your DC together, again, establish boundaries straight away and nip any attempt of coercive control straight in the bud. If he blocks communication than don’t chase him. He needs to act in a respectful manner and make proper arrangements for access. So glad you are not married to him, it makes it all a lot easier and you get to keep what you inherited and worked for.

nestisflown · 02/09/2020 20:35

To be honest, he has only ever contributed £140 a month to the household for the last four years anyway. Thankfully, I’m fortunate enough that I won’t really miss it.

Woah what a freeloader - and he couldn’t even consistently look after his child to ensure you were able to keep your job that supports his basic at free standard of living? He really is the worst

Well done OP for deciding to get rid- I would go with your plan of booking an emergency locksmith for the morning.

Confusedismyname · 02/09/2020 20:37

Wow! Get rid.

Good luck OP

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