I've read the first two pages (sorry, don't have time for more).
Firstly, 
for you OP. I'm sorry you've had some unsympathetic responses on this thread and also from Al Anon. This saddens me as IME they've been wonderfully supportive and have helped many people stay sober. They've also spent hours that they didn't have to spend on the phone with me, a family member, helping me deal with my sibling's alcoholism.
The problem here is that the first of the 12 steps is recognising and admitting that you have an alcohol problem. Unfortunately that's a step the addict has to take on his or her own. No matter how much we love them and want them to get well, this is not something anyone else can do for them. It's still no excuse for AA to dismiss your concerns.
My sibling and I are the adult children of an alcoholic. I know what it's like to live with someone who has an addiction and it's no picnic, as anyone else who has tried it will testify. Of course you want him to get well, and you don't want your children to have to witness this (or, God forbid, to normalise it. My sibling is likely an alcoholic because this is what we saw as 'normal' in our home. You don't have to accept that). To suggest that this is 'controlling' is a nonsense.
Lockdown did very cruel things to my sibling's mental health, who has struggled with an alcohol problem for about the past 15 years. Usually we are talking about someone high-functioning, who has held down a job more-or-less consistently. This degenerated to a point of bed-wetting, having to be carried home, being completely insensible and not in control of their actions. It was horrific to witness and I honestly thought I was losing the only relative from my family of origin that I have left. Sibling, thank God, accepted the gravity of this problem and went through rehab, and is now 3 months into recovery (although I'm constantly panicking they might relapse).
Your DH's problem doesn't sound this serious, but I'm not convinced there are any lesser serious variations of alcoholism. It's just not progressed as far. But the only thing you can do here is accept that you can't change another person's behaviour; you can only change yourself.
I'm in family support as my sibling goes through the early stages of recovery. Our local addiction rehabilitation centre have been wonderful. I'm currently a member of their recovering families group and attend group therapy weekly via Zoom, which I'm finding incredibly helpful. If your DP won't yet seek support, there is nothing to stop you seeking some for yourself.
DM me if you need to. I'm sorry you are in this awful position (and yes, not knowing when to stop and drinking until you are insensible is very definitely an alcohol dependency).
More