@bellini891 another vote here for the Naked Mind podcast. Annie Grace has really done her homework and looked in-depth into the reasons people drink and it covers LOADS of different problems with alcohol.
I am a fully paid-up member of the sober sphere now and (well I have had maybe 4 alcoholic drinks in the last 3 months and those were on my wedding anniversary).
Annie Grace talks about something called “cognitive dissonance” which is now an accepted concept in sober literature and research. It’s when your conscious mind intends not to drink as much as you end up doing - because the subconscious takes over. The effect of alcohol on brain chemistry, as we know, is that it lowers inhibitions, so after the first drink, you worry less about drinking more and things can get really out of hand without that being your intention at all. This sounds like what’s happening to your other half.
AA is outdated. The idea of alcoholics “missing out” on or “being powerless before” something others can enjoy safely is really old fashioned I think. Sober literature today often takes a different angle: the alcohol industry has brainwashed us all into thinking it’s this fantastic product that will make us sexier, more amusing etc...but Annie Grace and others have rewritten the rules. They’re sober and don’t miss alcohol at all because they are not getting as much out of it as it’s taking away. Ultimately, it’s a toxin and if it were up for a license from the food authorities today, it’d never get it.
“Drink?” by Professor David Nutt is also worth a read. He also knows what he’s talking about she and paid a high price for speaking the truth about the damage alcohol does, both to the society and individuals. That tells you all you need to know.