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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you/acknowledgement for a card

161 replies

Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 11:47

On two occasions when I've sent cards to different friends, they've never even acknowledged it or said thank you. AIBU to find this really rude?

The first card I sent to a friend overseas to congratulate her on her engagement and was worried it had got lost in the post. I waited a few months to ask if she'd received it, as didn't want want to pester her. She replied to my message saying it had been received and thanks. Same thing happened with another friend where I sent a card to congratulate her on her new house. No acknowledgement so followed up on it after a few months.

Isn't it polite to acknowledge the effort I've gone to? Anyone else found the same?

OP posts:
Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 02/09/2020 11:48

I don't think it is considered necessary to thank for a card by most people unless it contains money or a voucher.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/09/2020 11:50

I've never send thanks for a card👀

RuggerHug · 02/09/2020 11:50

I think it's normal to acknowledge it. Not a thank you card for a card but just a text to say it arrived is normal.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/09/2020 11:51

And sorry, but unless you designed and hand printed the card, it wasn't some massive effort...

ZoeTurtle · 02/09/2020 11:51

Do you then thank them for their acknowldgement? Where does it end?

Original poster
Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 11:51

Oh no, I don't mean they should thank me with a card! I just meant they should send a message to say they received it and thank you.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 02/09/2020 11:52

It's not usual to thank anyone for a card.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/09/2020 11:53

@ZoeTurtle

Do you then thank them for their acknowldgement? Where does it end?
The infinite loop of thanks😂 That should be on Very British Problems t-shirt 😂
ScrapThatThen · 02/09/2020 11:53

Life's too short! it is of course nice to have it mentioned or recognised, but that expectation places a burden on the recipient and I am sure you meant to give good sentiment, not extract gratitude.

Angeldust747 · 02/09/2020 11:53

A text to say thanks is perfectly normal... I've got a family member that I have to be careful not to get stuck in a loop of thank you cards though!!

arethereanyleftatall · 02/09/2020 11:55

Seriously? Sorry op, but this isn't a fun way to go through life. I have no idea if I acknowledge a card or if someone acknowledges one of mine. Maybe I do, maybe I forget, maybe they did, maybe they forgot. Seriously, don't give this stuff thought.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 02/09/2020 11:55

I don't thank anyone for cards, apart from if i see them in person in the near future, nor do I expect to receive any.

I think a card is a complete gesture in itself, it shouldn't start some chain of gratitude.

TrufflePioneer · 02/09/2020 11:55

Surely you're sending a card as a nice gesture to let them know you're thinking of them - if they have to thank you for it, the gesture seems a bit empty really?

seayork2020 · 02/09/2020 11:55

When i send a card I do not expect a thanks, I may ask if they got it next time we speak but I don't need a thank you or a separate acknowledgement

SummerHouse · 02/09/2020 11:55

People should but don't.

Trisolaris · 02/09/2020 11:55

I don’t expect thanks for a card. Present or flowers I would think it a bit strange not to get a thank you but wouldn’t hold it against them (much) unless they are generally a crap friend.

Original poster
Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 11:58

Wow, I'm really surprised by these responses. I always just thought it was good manners to send a message to say it's been received and thanks. Maybe I'm the weird one then!

OP posts:
TheHappyHerbivore · 02/09/2020 12:00

No, I don’t think it’s necessary to thank someone for a card. I might mention it if I was on the phone or saw them in person, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to thank them. And I wouldn’t ever expect a thanks for sending one to someone else.

Cards are a nice, thoughtful, low-effort way to show someone you’re thinking of them - but in my mind it’s a one-way street, not something which requires a response the way a gift does.

beelzeboob · 02/09/2020 12:01

It’s the fact that you find it “really rude” that’s a bit OTT, OP. Yes it’d be nice to get acknowledgement but not really an issue if you don’t

Original poster
Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 12:02

@schrodingersImmigrant Sending a card to someone overseas is a bit of an effort though. Having to travel to a post office and pay extra, etc.

OP posts:
CasaLuna · 02/09/2020 12:04

I would usually try to send a little ‘thank you for the card!’ text or email but sometimes forget which I hope people understand is just generally busy life rather than outright rudeness. I give other people the same leeway as I want for myself, it’s nice if they acknowledge but I’d understand if not.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/09/2020 12:04

Really?
We had friends over for a (socially distanced) meal a couple of weeks ago, they sent me a card to say thank you. It wouldn't occur to me to text them to thank them for their thank you card. Where would it end?

IntermittentParps · 02/09/2020 12:05

I don’t think it’s necessary to thank someone for a card and I don't expect a thanks for sending one.

If it included a present/money, or if it was special (for example a friend once sent me a card she'd made and said in a note that she'd made it in a paper-making workshop), I would, but not just a standard birthday-type card or occasion.

hula008 · 02/09/2020 12:05

They've likely had loads of engagement cards, not just yours. I wouldn't consider it rude not to respond.

79andnotout · 02/09/2020 12:05

Present, yes, card no.

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