To expect a thank you/acknowledgement for a card

[Crustacean7]

On two occasions when I've sent cards to different friends, they've never even acknowledged it or said thank you. AIBU to find this really rude?

The first card I sent to a friend overseas to congratulate her on her engagement and was worried it had got lost in the post. I waited a few months to ask if she'd received it, as didn't want want to pester her. She replied to my message saying it had been received and thanks. Same thing happened with another friend where I sent a card to congratulate her on her new house. No acknowledgement so followed up on it after a few months.

Isn't it polite to acknowledge the effort I've gone to? Anyone else found the same?

I think it is nice to send a message if you get a card out of the blue (I personally do) but absolutely not expected especially if eg it’s an engagement card or new baby card as they will have loads . I never expect any acknowledgment from cards sent. Sorry but YABU

I dont thank people for Xmas cards but if someone sent me an engagement/wedding/anniverary/thank you/get well/post card I would always send a text to say thanks. They remembered the occasion/you and went out of their way to physically send you something to brighten your day. Over the years these sort of cards get fewer and fewer, thank people or you'll have none!

You acknowledge a present, you don't acknowledge a card.

YABU. They don’t require a response, they’re one way.

I get serious grief from my MIL when I don't send cards or write a letter to her or anyone who has sent us a card or present despite standing in front of the person and thanking them profusely and doing it again on departure. Apparently it is really rude and bad manners.

Thing is though, I am yet to receive a thank you letter or card myself for the many presents, days out and weekends away I have coughed up for her.

Honestly OP, I'd rather not have a card or present than have to add this to the other admin and wifey work I have to do.

Cards sent to mark an occasion do not require a response.

Thank you for your post OP.

Nope. Never thanked anyone for sending a card and never received a thanks for sending one.

However, I didn’t realise people really still did it. Don’t think I have sent or received one for at least ten year

Of course it should be acknowledged. So many folks lacking basic manners.

So what do you do about Christmas cards? Do you expect a bunch of thank you’s every year when the recipients have probably had 20+ cards through their doors?

The reason I love Mumsnet is because you get an insight into how everything thinks so differently! So interesting!

• everyone!

@VainAbigail I wouldn't expect a response to a Christmas card, as they're sent to a large number of people, usually require less thought and don't tend to be personalised.

got into this weird thank you loop with one of ds's very fab teachers.

He'd really enjoyed her lessons so i wrote a card.

She wrote me a thank you card for my thank you card.

Spent aged mulling over whether to thank her for the thank you for the thank you but decided to break the chain there

[quote Crustacean7]@VainAbigail I wouldn't expect a response to a Christmas card, as they're sent to a large number of people, usually require less thought and don't tend to be personalised.[/quote]
But you were annoyed because you didn't receive thanks for an engagement card. Your friend may have received lots of engagement cards, so why doesn't the Christmas card exception apply?

It's over the top to expect acknowledgement of a card, and to even think about it weeks or months later if you didn't receive thanks. I agree with pp that it's actually rude to chase the recipient up and nudge them into thanking you. I would raise an eyebrow.

'The Christmas Card Exception' sounds like a Sherlock Holmes story.

I wouldn't usually reply to a card that had been sent to me, and I don't send texts to anyone.

I write a lot of letters to people, as I like writing, and I know that people like getting a letter from me, but I don't expect replies from many people, as I know they don't like writing letters these days.

just a card no-i send cousins cards dont get acknowledgement

gifts yes

It wouldn't occur to me to say thank you for a card. Cards are what you send to say thank you, in my world. Nor do I ever get e-mails or texts to thank me for cards - and I'm someone who send a lot. I love cards.
(If someone has written an especially lovely message, I'd say thank you, but in the ordinary run of things I think it's absolutely fine not to say a special thank you for a card.)

I think it's usual and polite to send a text or something saying thanks (unless it's a Christmas card obviously :p )

You want a thank you for a card, do they then have to thank you for thanking them, and so on?

Cards need no formal acknowledgement, gifts do. I've never in my life followed up a card to ask if it has been received, just assumed it has, neither has anyone asked me if I got their card. It just isn't done.

Obviously if you see someone in person and give them a card they'll say, "Thank you", but they are not going to write to or phone everyone who sends them a card.

I used to send thank you cards for all the cards I received. Then they would send a thank you card back, so I had to send another one. I just became too much admin so I stopped.

You are right OP. It is good manners to text someone and say thanks for sending a card.

I was brought up with good manners. We always rang or wrote to family members to say thanks for Christmas or birthday presents.

After we got married and had 3 babies I got cards printed and sent to everyone.

It's basic manners and I will teach my children to do the same. Unfortunately you do learn along the way. Some people don't say thanks

@Howcanwedoitall

How did you thank people for cards before text messages?

All your other examples are normal things to thank people for, and no-one would disagree with you. I wrote to thank everyone who attended our wedding, regardless of whether they gave a gift (personalised the notes too). I wouldn't thank someone for a card though, because it's a complete gesture that doesn't require acknowledgment.

Manners are meaningless if they're just empty gestures.

OP, you mention you're I'lf fashioned for your age. I'm twice your age and I say I've gives thanks for presents, a card is not a present.

The second point I'd like to chime in on is to ask the world to stop sending me recycling. Text, ring, etc., but don't send me stuff just so I can go to the recycling bin again.