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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a thank you/acknowledgement for a card

161 replies

Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 11:47

On two occasions when I've sent cards to different friends, they've never even acknowledged it or said thank you. AIBU to find this really rude?

The first card I sent to a friend overseas to congratulate her on her engagement and was worried it had got lost in the post. I waited a few months to ask if she'd received it, as didn't want want to pester her. She replied to my message saying it had been received and thanks. Same thing happened with another friend where I sent a card to congratulate her on her new house. No acknowledgement so followed up on it after a few months.

Isn't it polite to acknowledge the effort I've gone to? Anyone else found the same?

OP posts:

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 02/09/2020 12:05

I am the same as you OP. If I receive a card that the sender has been thoughtful enough to send, I always send my gratitude through a message.
I also follow up too, incase the receiver hasn't received it (if I haven't heard from them) especially as I don't want them thinking I'm unthoughtful not sending a card in the first place.

To think someone would only express gratitude if the card has money in it, is just ridiculous!

Pombearbuffet · 02/09/2020 12:06

Normally I’d text on their birthday and say ‘Happy Birthday’ and they’d reply and say thank you and thanks for the card.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 02/09/2020 12:07

An overseas card is a bit different, as I'd usually put a bit more effort in - a letter, some photos etc. It's a bit more of an 'event'.
We generally respond to overseas communications with a whatsapp or fb message or something, or a post back with a photo of the kids.

It's in a different league to a 'Congrats on your New Home' card.

Pombearbuffet · 02/09/2020 12:08

I wouldn’t expect a thanks for an engagement card. They might have received 50 cards, you can’t expect them to say thank you to everyone.

Was I supposed to text thanks to everyone for new baby cards? Christmas cards?

islockdownoveryet · 02/09/2020 12:08

I think it can get a bit tiresome if you expect a thank you for a card .
Of course I'd thank someone if they sent a card but you can forget .
Yes it's nice and it's effort but I wouldn't hold it against someone unless they sent a gift .
My dh has a relative who sends a card with £10 in which is nice and of course we say thank you , but I think one time I forgot and I was reminded to ring her and thank her which annoyed me slightly as I'd not expect a phone call for the same . In fact thinking about it I hardly ever get a thank you off anyone unless I see them face to face .

LimitIsUp · 02/09/2020 12:08

Op, that's too stiff and starchy.

Original poster

Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 12:09

@WhoAmIWhoAreYou Thank you! I was beginning to feel like a bit of a freak there!

OP posts:

LyndaSnellsSniff · 02/09/2020 12:10

My Aunty will call to say she’s sent a card and ask me to call when it arrives. If she’s out I leave a message to say it’s arrived, then she’ll call back to say she got the message. If I’m out she’ll leave a message asking me to call to confirm she got the message about the message about the card.

Sometimes it lasts for months.

Pumpkinnose · 02/09/2020 12:11

I’d say thanks for a present but not a card. I always send a card and would never expect thanks for it.

CousinDolores · 02/09/2020 12:11

present, yes; card, no.

if we were speaking/emailing shortly afterwards, I'd say, Oh, thanks so much for that lovely card! But I wouldn't make a special phone call to say so. My DGM was a real 'thank you card for the thank you card' type of person and the politeness spirals sent my mum crazy.

Boireannachlaidir · 02/09/2020 12:11

You're not weird OP, I agree with you that an acknowledgment is a nice and mannerly thing to do. You're clearly not asking for a grovelling thanks or another card.

I feel ancient saying this but some people these days seem to have had a very lax upbringing where manners are concerned, not their fault I guess

ddl1 · 02/09/2020 12:11

I don't think it's usual to thank someone for a card - especially a fairly formal one for an 'occasion' (where many people may have sent cards); if it's a very personal one, it's different. If you happen to be in touch shortly after receiving the card, you might; but I don't think most people would contact the sender especially to thank them.

Pombearbuffet · 02/09/2020 12:12

@LyndaSnellsSniff

Sometimes it lasts for months.

Oh dear lord 😆

unicornpower · 02/09/2020 12:12

To be honest OP i say thank you for cards! We just had our first wedding anniversary and had some really lovely cards and I messaged them to say the cards were lovely and thank you etc-I'm a real card person though so i get what you mean! I normally send a card to my friend for her wedding anniversary but we didn't get one from her so i won't next year haha

LyingDogsLie1 · 02/09/2020 12:13

I would normally text.

FaffingForEngland · 02/09/2020 12:15

I'd find it very odd if someone chased me up after a few months to see if I'd received a card. Sending a card is the complete act in itself, it needs no response.

Fleamaker123 · 02/09/2020 12:15

I thank people for cards OP you're not a freak! Especially if they've gone to the effort of posting, just so they know I have received it! Not a big thank you, just a casual 'oh thanks for the card'. I can't believe some people never acknowledge gifts that have been sent, now that's really rude.

Original poster

Crustacean7 · 02/09/2020 12:15

@Boireannachlaidir Thanks for the reassurance Manners have always been super important to me, and, as you point out, I think that was a product of my upbringing. I'm mid 30's so perhaps I'm just a bit old fashioned for my age!

OP posts:

Ariela · 02/09/2020 12:16

In the olden days, we never wrote back and said 'thank you for the card'

We now are too used to instant replies online.

Florencex · 02/09/2020 12:17

@Crustacean7

Wow, I'm really surprised by these responses. I always just thought it was good manners to send a message to say it's been received and thanks. Maybe I'm the weird one then!

Yes that is a bit weird. Card sending is not a big a thing as it was due to other forms of communication these days. Before test and social media what do you think people would have done, written a letter back to thank for a card and then that person would have to write back to acknowledge a letter, it would never end? 🙂

CoralFish · 02/09/2020 12:18

I never send thank yous for 'standard' cards (e.g. birthday, engagement, graduation, thank you), and I can't remember ever having a thank you for a card from anyone except DP's family, who Whatsapp photos of everything that happens ever.

If it was a random out of the blue card I would probably get in touch with the person.

I often get 'did the card arrive's from people overseas and let them know if it has, but I don't think of that as being the same thing.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/09/2020 12:18

@Crustacean7

Wow, I'm really surprised by these responses. I always just thought it was good manners to send a message to say it's been received and thanks. Maybe I'm the weird one then!

You're not weird OP.

MN is like some parallel universe today 😂

Of course it's usual, polite & friendly to send a text to acknowledge a card.

riotlady · 02/09/2020 12:19

I wouldn’t go out of my way to say thank you for a card, I would just mention it if I was talking to them.

CoralFish · 02/09/2020 12:20

[quote Crustacean7]@Boireannachlaidir Thanks for the reassurance Manners have always been super important to me, and, as you point out, I think that was a product of my upbringing. I'm mid 30's so perhaps I'm just a bit old fashioned for my age![/quote]
I think the opposite! It's a modern thing to expect an instant response. In the 'olden days' when people wrote letters they may mention a card/letter in their next letter, but would not send one specifically to say that.

CeibaTree · 02/09/2020 12:20

I feel like a card is just a kind of a statement from someone to someone else not a conversation opener. I guess if you need acknowledgement send them a text asking if they have received it.

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