How do I ask DH politely

[mintyfreshh]

To STFU when he leaves the house at 5am tomorrow?

Occasionally for work he has very early starts, and acts exactly as he would getting up three hours later. I'm talking running up and down the stairs every two minutes (the concept of consolidating stair journeys is lost on him), humming incredibly loudly to himself the entire time he's getting ready, snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed) showering with the door open and slamming the front door behind him. He is a stomper too, you can hear him walking around all day long.

I am then left knackered with two small kids who are up for the day, who become increasingly cranky as the day progresses from lack of sleep.

I used to leave much earlier than him for work, pre kids. I would shower the night before, organise everything in my bag so I didn't have to keep running up and down for things, have my clothes laid out ready etc etc.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

WWYD to minimise disruption? Any other stompy DHs out there?

Sounds very similar to my husband.
We've just learnt to work our routine around him. So me and DD are up at 5 with him, then she goes to bed earlier in the evening. Is this not an option for you? Unfortunately I've found with one parent leaving earlier, unless they just roll out of bed and out the door noise is going to happen.

Bloody hell don't be polite. Tell him as it is. That's terribly selfish and thoughtless of him.

You tell him FIRMLY to STFU and to get his shit together the night before!

I’d be losing my shit at that. So bloody selfish.

Make him get his stuff together in one place the night before

Make him shower before he goes to bed.

Tell him to STFU and if he gets offended it’s his problem

Tell him! Good grief why are you tip-toeing around him? He isn’t tip-toeing around you is he? If my DH did what yours does he’d be well and truly told. Waking you and babies up because he has no consideration, or doesn’t give a toss if you’re left with screaming woken-up babies early in the morning! Outrageous.

Both DH and I have had early starts and sleeping babes to contend with - we are totally conscious of not disturbing the house, creeping out early morning etc.

Your DH is either pretty thick or couldn’t give a toss about who he disturbs, or, worse of all, does it deliberately. Ask him which one of these twattish behaviours he wants to own.

I wouldn't shout at him yo shut the fuck up every single time. Why would you need to be polite?

Sorry, I would shout at him to shut the fuck up.

Don’t ask him, tell him. Who cares if gets defensive, any reasonable person would realise how selfish it is to wake up the rest of the house just because they’ve got an early start

DH used to do this.

I now refuse to let him into bed until he has showered, got his clothes out and got his bag ready

My DH has got better but still stomps and cannot close doors quietly to save his life. He once woke me very early when he was getting ready to ask where his clean work shirt was, last time he EVER did that I can tell you. Not my responsibility, especially at stupid o'clock in the morning.

My dh has always had jobs where he leaves early, over the years this has varied from 5am to 7am. He organises clothes and showers the night before. He would never dream of turning the bedroom light on. I would definitely be telling your dh to STFU.

I wouldn’t be polite. I might secretly set an alarm called “shhhh don’t wake up mintyfreshh” on his phone.

DP used to be the same and even though I asked him to be quieter it didn’t make much difference.

Recently I got tougher about it and pointed out that it’s really unfair because once I’m awake I can’t get back to sleep so I lose out on a good 2 hours sleep because of him. To be fair in the last week he’s been very good but we’ll see how long it lasts

He needs telling, my husband got up at stupid o'clock for many years and hardly ever woke me, he even rolled his motorbike silently down the drive outside our bedroom window and down the street before starting it up. No excuse for your husband waking you all!

Ask him if he's selfish or stupid?

Seriously, get him told Fuck being polite.

My best friends DH is a monumental twat, he's controlling & generally a prick, but even he leaves the house quietly on his early starts.

Why does he say he'll do those things and then not? Genuine question. I don't get it.

Being gentle and polite has got you nowhere.

A very loud "STFU!" is your next step.

The only reason he gets defensive is because he bloody KNOWS that he's acting like an arsehole.

I certainly wouldn't be asking politely! DH leaves for work before 7 and gets dressed in the spare room so he doesn't disturb me or baby DS, it's called being considerate to your family.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

Why 'gently'? (This never makes sense to me, do people mean 'nicely'?)
And so what if he is defensive?

He's being very thoughtless at best and selfish at worst.

My DH had early starts off and on throughout our married life. He laid his stuff out in another room, and crept about like a mouse,
And in the days the shower woke us up, he'd have it at night.

You need to tell him

Stop asking gently. Who gives a toss if he takes the hump?

Tell him to stop being such a selfish fucker or he can go sleep in hotels.

If he doesn't quieten down start waking him up unnecessarily at 5am on the days he doesn't have an early.

He sounds incredibly selfish. Is he inconsiderate in other ways?

DH leaves before me and if he was noisy then I wouldn't be polite!

Fuck politely! Get him told in no uncertain terms. Selfish arse.