How do I ask DH politely

[mintyfreshh]

To STFU when he leaves the house at 5am tomorrow?

Occasionally for work he has very early starts, and acts exactly as he would getting up three hours later. I'm talking running up and down the stairs every two minutes (the concept of consolidating stair journeys is lost on him), humming incredibly loudly to himself the entire time he's getting ready, snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed) showering with the door open and slamming the front door behind him. He is a stomper too, you can hear him walking around all day long.

I am then left knackered with two small kids who are up for the day, who become increasingly cranky as the day progresses from lack of sleep.

I used to leave much earlier than him for work, pre kids. I would shower the night before, organise everything in my bag so I didn't have to keep running up and down for things, have my clothes laid out ready etc etc.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

WWYD to minimise disruption? Any other stompy DHs out there?

Don’t be gentle, tell him, switch the light off I am trying to sleep, stomping we are all trying to sleep, when you come ho e tonight you have the kids for an hour whilst I have a nap, don’t slam the door, stop humming we are trying to sleep

Every single time

@SentientAndCognisant

Times I leave at that time to go to work, it’s not possible to tippy toe I try be quiet,lay the clothes out in another room bag prepacked I shower in en-suite Radio and breakfast elsewhere

And no I’ll not be going to a hotel as a punishment because the house gets wakened. I have been getting up early for years dp and kids used to it

A Bit of noise Them the breaks

I think the key thing here is that you say you try to be quiet...the op's husband appears to not give a shiny shit about trying to be quiet.

Don't let him get into bed until he does all the necessary prep.

Call him every five minutes once the kids start getting cranky.

Wake him up loudly on the weekend and then go out for the day.

Kill him.

My ex DH was similar ...I was usually in bed first at night and he would come up half an hour to an hour later and turn the light on. He'd then read with a side light on, then when that went off he'd put his radio on. Quietly but still enough to give me rage. He didn't see why the fact I was in bed should inconvenience his preferred routine and he got very stroppy when I challenged him. I think op's DH is like this.

I wouldn't tell him politely, I would just tell him directly.

If he didn't listen I would then be very cross and would make sure to repay the favour. Or find something petty and pointed way to make my point.

Posts like this make me so sad.

My mum has had to put up with a lifetime of this bullshit from my self centred dad.

Why does anyone think they have to right to disturb the rest of the household? Their own family.

Urgh. Twats.

My DH is as quiet as a mouse if any of us are asleep. It's just polite.

There is a whole coachload of big I am’s on this thread.
Booking hotels for the worker
Demanding a timetable of self care
Smashing alarms
Staging I tell ye this STFU confrontation

All full of it, all giving it large on mn

Sometimes it is easy to wonder if people get together with nasty selfish inconsiderate people or they make them by allowing them to be selfish and inconsiderate no matter what.

Being the main earner is not a excuse, we all work hard (at work, raising young kids or both) even if we are not paid the same amount of money.

My husband leaves around 5am for his early shift. He knows not to turn on the bedroom lights. He gets his clothes ready and leaves it on the landing. He has a bath the night before. Also I've told him never to spray deodrant nor aftershave inside the bedroom otherwise I camt stop sneezing! You have to tell him, because its waking you up.

Just tell him to be quiet. My H used to get up around five am on a Monday, he worked away all week. The night before he'd shower and pack, and next morning he'd brush his teeth then get dressesd downstairs.

Mine does it when he is going fishing at some ungodly hour, up shower, back in bedroom stomps around looking for clothes, sits on bed to put socks etc. on actually sat on my feet this morning. All the time talking to the dog that he is not taking despite it doing zoomies around the bedroom in excitement.

If he's not getting his prep done right now for the morning, he's already forgotten.

As soon as he starts tomorrow, shout SHUT THE FUCK UP as loud as you can. You're not going to sleep anyway, might as well destress, and the shock might actually register the need to him for once

Both my OH and I have early starts at times and both of us bring our clothes, toiletries etc into a separate room to get ready without waking the other one. We don't hear each other at all but make a real effort to be quiet.
Your oh is being very inconsiderate and clearly does know he's waking you but just doesn't care. I think I'd be petty and wake him up during the night if you have to go to the toilet or just when you turn over just to make him realise how fucking annoying it is. Keep doing it until he gets the message

@Pebblexox

Sounds very similar to my husband. We've just learnt to work our routine around him. So me and DD are up at 5 with him, then she goes to bed earlier in the evening. Is this not an option for you? Unfortunately I've found with one parent leaving earlier, unless they just roll out of bed and out the door noise is going to happen.

Why in the ever loving fuck would anyone do this and have to get up earlier than needed instead of just telling the inconsiderate husband to shut up?

I get very ratty if I'm woken up as a result of someone being inconsiderate (in fact the lack of consideration annoys me more than the disturbance itself). Somebody asked me once if I get annoyed when my pet wakes me up and I said no, because I don't expect an animal to understand the need to be considerate and quiet. However I do expect that of a person over the age of about 8.

My OH is a naturally loud person. If he had to get up early he'd leave the alarm on for ages, put every light on in the house, put the radio on in the bathroom and generally be loud. I told him how selfish it was and if he carried on like that I might have to kill him. Now he's much more understanding but he did genuinely forget the first few times. I still remind him the night before though. Over the summer hols, I've been getting up first, being quiet so as not to wake the 2 sleeping teens, but when he gets up he still switches on the radio in the bathroom next to their bedrooms and has even been known to talk to the cat in the upstairs hallway! I do have to remind him not to wake 2 sleeping teens or you might never hear the last of it!

Being direct is the only way

It IS rudely inconsiderate to put the light on when someone is asleep.

Tell him to shut tbe fuck up.

My DH sometimes goes to work very early and he never wakes me. He's quiet. He can open and shut doors/drawers quietly. He can walk lightly. He can shower, with the fan on without waking me - because he closes the door to the ensuite.

I'd be fuming living with a big bloody selfish bear.

Or what about a super soaker water pistol under your bed and every time he makes a noise or puts on a blasted light you aim straight for his ear. He might get the message then

And he doesn't wake my DD either. To the PP who said they work around their DH because he can't STFU, I'd be suggesting the one at fault sort himself out!

Sadly I have to conclude he's doing it on purpose too. As PP said up thread he's being inconsiderate as he thinks if he's got to get up so has everyone else. Can't have you getting a "lie in" can we?

The stomping about, humming etc round drive me potty. He's not treating his family very nicely. Why is that?

Its more accurately "he doesn't care enough" and "he has an overwhelming sense of entitlement".

This. It's overwhelmingly self entitled to be so unaware of your own presence and noise and its effects on other people. He should have the ability to be aware of the needs of others and to moderate his behaviour.

I'd be explicit, give him one chance, then set my alarm for 3 am and do to him, what he does at 5am 😂

IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP
YOU ARE SLEEPING IN THE FUCKING CAR FROM NOW ON!!!