How do I ask DH politely

[mintyfreshh]

To STFU when he leaves the house at 5am tomorrow?

Occasionally for work he has very early starts, and acts exactly as he would getting up three hours later. I'm talking running up and down the stairs every two minutes (the concept of consolidating stair journeys is lost on him), humming incredibly loudly to himself the entire time he's getting ready, snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed) showering with the door open and slamming the front door behind him. He is a stomper too, you can hear him walking around all day long.

I am then left knackered with two small kids who are up for the day, who become increasingly cranky as the day progresses from lack of sleep.

I used to leave much earlier than him for work, pre kids. I would shower the night before, organise everything in my bag so I didn't have to keep running up and down for things, have my clothes laid out ready etc etc.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

WWYD to minimise disruption? Any other stompy DHs out there?

Yea right

It dos seem unlikely that he is totally unaware - i mean hes actually woken you up before so you must have had the 'im awake - you woke me up' conversation when he did it before.
is it possible you have done the thing where you say 'its all right, dont worry' rather than telling him? do you feel bad about complaining because he's going off to work?

Id talk to him about his preparation with lots of hints along the lines of 'if you pack your bag now you can leave it at the bottom of the stairs, next to your keys - so you dont have to keep crashing about up the stairs!'

I had one of these. I literally shouted at him to STFU one morning and the next time he was off i woke him by doing what he'd done to me because he didn't understand my anger.

And now? he gets his things ready for work and puts them in the bathroom. I sometimes hear his alarm and sometimes not. But i don't hear anything else.

@mintyfreshh get a sleep mask,soft ear plugs, some ambient noise for kids room to minimise disruption
Can he get a low light night light so he’s not putting on overhead light
Get him to put all his clothes,shoes,bag, downstairs ready to dress there
Address the humming that’s entirely in his control, he can hum elsewhere
Not sure you or he will change his gait or the stomp
But he can refrain from humming
He can close the door quietly

Yeah he sounds like he needs to be more organised.

I may be missing a bit of the point a bit but there's no way me having a shower at night would save me time in the morning. I apparent sweat like a beast in bed and my hair is a disaster when I wake up so I'd need a shower in the morning.

Let him shower in the morning but make him shut the door and stop stomping around!

We had a rule when ds was little, if you wake him you take him because I'm not cutting my sleep shorter than it already is because you are an inconsiderate bastard, even if it makes you late for work. I will start at 6am which is already ridiculously early when I was up twice in the night as well.

Never had to follow through on my threat.

If you’re not going to work you cannot possibly purposefully make the worker late because you can’t be arsed getting up
What a bombastic empty threat

@Pebblexox - Sounds very similar to my husband. We've just learnt to work our routine around him. So me and DD are up at 5 with him, then she goes to bed earlier in the evening. Is this not an option for you?

Why on earth should it be? OP's h is an adult. He can surely leave the house quietly, especially after having been reminded several times. What selfish tosser!

LTB.
What is with the stomping? My husband weighs 9 stone something and STILL stomps around like a bloody ogre. Annoying enough in the afternoon but if he did it at 5am, humming too, I’d have to kill him.

Tell him to sort out his stuff tonight and put it elsewhere in the house

If he doesn’t then tell him he’s a selfish arsehole. Shout it tomorrow morning.

Repeat until he learns.

Bollocks to ‘gently’. He’s being deeply inconsiderate. I assume he’s not actually as stupid as he appears to be

@Pebblexox

Sounds very similar to my husband. We've just learnt to work our routine around him. So me and DD are up at 5 with him, then she goes to bed earlier in the evening. Is this not an option for you? Unfortunately I've found with one parent leaving earlier, unless they just roll out of bed and out the door noise is going to happen.

Oh grow a backbone!

Oh god the humming drives me mad and the light (well I have to find my clothes). The shower is right underneath our bedroom so the fan, water and humming was enough to get on my nerves. I needed to be up two hours later but was woken when he was!

God I couldn't put up with this, is he always an inconsiderate twat, or is that reserved for his family?
Set your bar a bit higher, don't put up with this shit.

@Pebblexox - Sounds very similar to my husband. We've just learnt to work our routine around him. So me and DD are up at 5 with him, then she goes to bed earlier in the evening. Is this not an option for you?

Now we see why women end up with men like this. Their mothers put the husband before the kids. The kids grow up thinking this is normal and right.
Shame on you and what you are doing to your dd. grow a fuckin backbone and put your child first.

@SentientAndCognisant

There is a whole coachload of big I am’s on this thread. Booking hotels for the worker Demanding a timetable of self care Smashing alarms Staging I tell ye this STFU confrontation

All full of it, all giving it large on mn

😂 You’ve never met me, have you 😂

If you’re not going to work you cannot possibly purposefully make the worker late because you can’t be arsed getting up

Oh dear, all that goading effort to so little effect.

I would politely ask tonight and then scream at him in the morning 😂

It’s a mn perannial the bombastic fiery confrontations over anything
Posters typing whole soliloquies about how they say this and that to whom
Arses getting handed on plates for any minor misdemeanours

So, no I don’t believe a word of it

Christ - I wouldn’t be happy with that!! My DH gets up at 5.30am every morning to do a few hours of his hobby/second job before he starts work and the night before he gets all his clothes out ready, puts coffee in a thermos, makes overnight oats and then in the morning he uses a silent alarm (vibrates under his pillow) and sneaks around like a cat so he doesn’t wake the DC and I. He’s very lovely and an absolutely amazing husband (especially by mumsnet standards) but I wouldn’t think that too much to expect unless he’s a totally useless man-child?

@SentientAndCognisant

It’s a mn perannial the bombastic fiery confrontations over anything Posters typing whole soliloquies about how they say this and that to whom Arses getting handed on plates for any minor misdemeanours

So, no I don’t believe a word of it

Sentient I love how you have been antagonistic all thro the thread and everyone has ignored you

Its selfishness. My dh leaves ar 4am. He quietly uses bathroom. Dresses downstairs and leaves quietly.

Who let the court jester into this MN thread?

I simply don’t believe the I’d give them their arse on a plate,it’s like this posts

XH used to have early starts, usually 5am, sometimes 3am. He would get up quietly and that was all I heard if I did wake.

He would leave his clothes for the following day in the bathroom or downstairs and then shower and get changed quietly without disturbing me.

Your DH is being a selfish twat disturbing the whole household.

@SentientAndCognisant

I simply don’t believe the I’d give them their arse on a plate,it’s like this posts

Read that 3 times man,. still not a clue.