How do I ask DH politely

[mintyfreshh]

To STFU when he leaves the house at 5am tomorrow?

Occasionally for work he has very early starts, and acts exactly as he would getting up three hours later. I'm talking running up and down the stairs every two minutes (the concept of consolidating stair journeys is lost on him), humming incredibly loudly to himself the entire time he's getting ready, snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed) showering with the door open and slamming the front door behind him. He is a stomper too, you can hear him walking around all day long.

I am then left knackered with two small kids who are up for the day, who become increasingly cranky as the day progresses from lack of sleep.

I used to leave much earlier than him for work, pre kids. I would shower the night before, organise everything in my bag so I didn't have to keep running up and down for things, have my clothes laid out ready etc etc.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

WWYD to minimise disruption? Any other stompy DHs out there?

We had a rule when ds was little, if you wake him you take him because I'm not cutting my sleep shorter @Frouby

I can’t decide if this is mn bravado, As in I ain’t having it or you really genuinely had a concrete notion that your sleep was not to be disturbed

Babies cry,they’re disruptive and it’s exhausting. I get it

But no you can’t pass an unsettled baby to the person leaving for work because you need your preferred amount of sleep. You not being arsed to get up doesn't equate to disrupting/delaying the person leaving to go to work

Of course a dp steps up,shares responsibilities when able to. Not when heading out door to work.

Your dp must be the boss or have a slack workplace if he can mosey on in late because you won’t have your sleep disrupted or cut short

I used to get up at 4.45am to go to the gym and my (then) DH never even heard me! I slid out of bed like a ninja, not even disturbing the covers, used my phone torch to get to the en suite, only put the light on when the door was closed, clothes already there the night before so only the loo flush and tap running needed. No shoes on until I was ready to walk out the door - everything next to the door and I shut it quietly. Got back by 6.45am when everyone else was getting up.

My current OH is horrendously noisy on the rare occasions he is up before me. He flings the covers back so exposes me to a waft of cold air, tiptoes into the en suite and showers (quietly I admit!) then comes back in and switches the overhead light on so he can get dressed! Usually trips over something (he is totally clumsy) before going downstairs, back and forth to kitchen/front door (really must get hall floor carpeted ) before slamming the door as he leaves! And he wonders why I don't want to move in together !

Why would anyone consent, by not doing anything about it, to be woken up by an adult? What adult isn't considerate enough to not wake another adult up by waking a sleeping baby up? It's not like I was planning in being ligged out in boudoir until 11am, before taking a leisurely bath and then going out for lunch . I was up 2, maybe 3 times in the night (and managed to do so without distrurbing dh asleep next to me) breastfeeding a baby, then up between 6am and 7am for the day. Looking after ds and dd. Ds didn't nap unless in a sling, school runs to do for dd, blah blah fucking blah. Oh and also recovering from a c section.

But it shouldn't matter if I popped him out like shelling peas and he took a 3 hour nap where I could sleep. You don't wake a sleeping baby at 5am because you don't care enough about that baby, or that mother to try and be a bit fucking considerate. Not unless you are a cunt anyways. My dh is many things but he isn't a cunt and he also knows I was deadly serious.

Anyway, I usually ignore the more outrageous replies on mn because I don't care about oddness anymore, it's only cos kids are back at school I've wasted 5 mins of my time justifying myself. Have a great day.

In most ways DH is a supportive loving husband and a good stepfather to my two children and he has been now for the last 8 years.
However, his tolerance levels are low. He really yells when my DS who is 11, talks back or refuses to tidy his room etc. Yesterday during one of these exchanges he swore three times, I forget all of the words, there was a f*ck in there somewhere but he called my son a prick. He’s also called him a brat and various other things in the past. It seems to be a temper that isn’t under control. He has never hit any of us and wouldn’t. He’s spent a lot of money and time getting my son’s bedroom decorated recently, he’s invested in all of us.
But calling my son a prick no matter how pre-teeny he is being isn’t ok with me. I didn’t say much yesterday, apart from he should be modelling behaviour that he wants my son to adopt. I.e. not peppering his language with swear words.
Afterwards he said sorry and apologised to my son but he has done before and it always happens again.
Do I take his further and suggest he get help or move on? Is this normal on an occasional basis? Apart from my wonderful recently
deceased father, I haven’t had the best male experiences. A bi-polar angry stepfather and an emotionally abusive father to my kids. I don’t want to overreact but...

i maybe hear my dh get up but thats it he has shower/bath night before

OH gets up at 4am and leavesat 5.30, luckily we have a downstairs bedroom so he doesn't disturb me, but when he couldn't use it he was at least as quiet as can be after a telling off

So long post but you didn’t actually hand your departing for work dp the baby if your sleep was interrupted
Dp was never late for work on the basis you wake the baby,you settle baby Rule

Just Bluster then

@OldEvilOwl

kill him

hahahaha

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

So let him get defensive. He's being a complete dick and by making it so that there's an atmosphere if you complain, he doesn't have to change his behaviour.

I get up first most days but only occasionally have to go out the house. I'm always mortified if I've forgotten something and have to come back into the bedroom and land up disturbing DH.

I’m referring to grand proclamations people make on mn

I’d give him his arse on a plate
He’d be sleeping with the hamster
He’d be staying in a hotel

Big hear me now posts of things no one would actually say or do in real life

Most people wont do these things because they dont live with a cunt, so yes we can say such things, and very well mean them.
My DP of 15 years has rarely woken me up when he gets ready for work. But I can say if he suddenly starts this on a regular basis, either we will sleep very separately (different houses) or I will be tempted to bury him under the patio.
And the years when I had to get up before him, I managed to not wake him up. Amazing and considerate of us both.
No patios need to be disturbed by our actions.

You say he’s not oafish, yet he turns on lights above you.... Ffs. Just kill him.

@Wishforyou

In most ways DH is a supportive loving husband and a good stepfather to my two children and he has been now for the last 8 years. However, his tolerance levels are low. He really yells when my DS who is 11, talks back or refuses to tidy his room etc. Yesterday during one of these exchanges he swore three times, I forget all of the words, there was a f*ck in there somewhere but he called my son a prick. He’s also called him a brat and various other things in the past. It seems to be a temper that isn’t under control. He has never hit any of us and wouldn’t. He’s spent a lot of money and time getting my son’s bedroom decorated recently, he’s invested in all of us. But calling my son a prick no matter how pre-teeny he is being isn’t ok with me. I didn’t say much yesterday, apart from he should be modelling behaviour that he wants my son to adopt. I.e. not peppering his language with swear words. Afterwards he said sorry and apologised to my son but he has done before and it always happens again. Do I take his further and suggest he get help or move on? Is this normal on an occasional basis? Apart from my wonderful recently deceased father, I haven’t had the best male experiences. A bi-polar angry stepfather and an emotionally abusive father to my kids. I don’t want to overreact but...

How did this get onto this thread?