How do I ask DH politely

[mintyfreshh]

To STFU when he leaves the house at 5am tomorrow?

Occasionally for work he has very early starts, and acts exactly as he would getting up three hours later. I'm talking running up and down the stairs every two minutes (the concept of consolidating stair journeys is lost on him), humming incredibly loudly to himself the entire time he's getting ready, snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed) showering with the door open and slamming the front door behind him. He is a stomper too, you can hear him walking around all day long.

I am then left knackered with two small kids who are up for the day, who become increasingly cranky as the day progresses from lack of sleep.

I used to leave much earlier than him for work, pre kids. I would shower the night before, organise everything in my bag so I didn't have to keep running up and down for things, have my clothes laid out ready etc etc.

I have gently asked a few times if he would do those things before the early starts and he always swears he will, but never does. I know he will get very defensive if I try to explain how (bloody selfish he is being!) it impacts the rest of us.

WWYD to minimise disruption? Any other stompy DHs out there?

I’m referring to grand proclamations people make on mn

I’d give him his arse on a plate
He’d be sleeping with the hamster
He’d be staying in a hotel

Big hear me now posts of things no one would actually say or do in real life

I know exactly where you are coming from! My DHdid exactly the same to me for years. I used to be pretty annoyed with him pre kids but once he was regularly waking newborn and toddler it was a whole different level of pissed off! Same thing ..very defensive if I got angry with him, used to swear the baby just happened to be awake at 5am.... The things that helped was him dressing and cleaning teeth on the downstairs bathroom, no lights allowed, shower night before also when baby then wakes at 5am on the Sat it is his turn as he helped to start the waking habit! He since went on nights and it was actually better !

If husband is an inconsiderate twat, trust me I don't tiptoe around it. I can't believe there are woman out there who pansy around this stuff personally. Get the bugger told!

Fucking men always do this.., it was my lie in this morning... yet H casually makes a coffee, not closing the stair gates...cue two toddlers clambering back up the stairs and onto me...

Eventually he appears to remove them and I drift back off... then rocks up and starts blow drying his fucking hair an hour and a half before my alarm is set.,,

Funny when it's his lie in the kids don't run up and wake him back up, I don't fanny about drying my hair.. dick..

It's just a way for people to express how out of order they find his lack of consideration, @SentientAndCognisant.

No one would actually serve Buttocks à la Mode.

Plus he has already been told about this more than once.

I'm surprised OP isn't angrier.

No one would actually serve Buttocks à la Mode such a good line😂

@Pebblexox Why are you starting the day at 5am? Surely this is not fair on your child.

My ex used to do this when he had to get up early, asked him so many times nicely not to, and was completely ignored. I fully believe it was because he was pissy he had to get up and I didnt.

OP you’re far too tolerant.

First off my DH isn’t usually such a selfish bellend but when he is, I tell him quite clearly why it’s selfish. Sometimes it takes a few goes.

Don’t suffer in silence. He’s happy to let you, so lay it out clearly:

“When you wake at 5am, the amount of noise you makes wakes me up and I lose x hours of sleep”.

“I feel incredibly tired and upset when you do it”.

He may not believe you; it may take several goes but keep telling him and set out the impact on you.

DH leaves before 5am each day, when we were first married it blew his mind that he had to change his morning routine of lights on etc.... his mum and dad were super relaxed about everything... 20 odd years in showers and clothes ready night before and he wakes before his alarm (I couldn’t manage that) and leaves quietly. This is a miracle as he is a really loud person in general.

Very very occasionally he wakes me up and ifs it summer I struggle to get back to sleep and it really upsets my whole day

He is being an arse. DH occasionally starts work at stupid o'clock. Aside from his alarm going off at about 4:30 I don't hear him. DS is 9 months, sleeps in our room and isn't woke up. Don't be gentle or polite. Get him told! Bag packed the night before, shower just before bed. DH even takes a bowl out the cupboard and leaves it on the side for his breakfast!

Dh gets up around that time and he's always considerate of me and ds still sleeping

snapping on the overhead lights everywhere (including over me in bed)

You say it's because he's clumsy and doesn't realise he's being noisy... so what's his excuse for turning on the bedroom light when you're still asleep?

That would be your opportunity to loudly and clearly ask him WTF he thinks he's doing?

Oafish and oblivious or not, he is a selfish twat and he needs to develop more self-awareness.
It is inexcusable to not be more considerate, to close doors quietly, to not put lights on, to shower with the door closed - tell him to get his shit together.

Take the bulbs out before bed! He will have to use his torch light 😂

@SentientAndCognisant

I shower daily before work. I’m an adult my dp doesn’t get to tell me when to shower to suit his convenience Generally shower too on returning from work esp if it’s hot or been an arduous day

And if it woke up the family? Is that just their 'convenience'?

I wont be dictated to about when I undertake self care,on the off chance it wakens dp or the kids. NO

I’m pretty adept at early starts I’ve done it for years. Shower in en-suite
All clothes,bag,shoes, phone on charge downstairs . I eat down stair. Soft night light to see

Few occasions the kids have stirred, rare but it happens

@SentientAndCognisant

If you’re not going to work you cannot possibly purposefully make the worker late because you can’t be arsed getting up What a bombastic empty threat

I fucking did tho. Surprised that others don't tbh. Lack of sleep is used as a torture form, am fucked if DH was depriving me of even more sleep than a breastfed baby and older child was.

Dh gets up at 5.30. I don’t hear him. He leaves for work an hour later and I wake up soon after to a cup of coffee ready for me. He tiptoes around, makes his sarnies quietly, closes the front door gently.

I sometimes work lates until 2.30am. I get undressed downstairs and slide into bed silently.

Disturbing your partner’s sleep wilfully is cruel and selfish and I wouldn’t tolerate it.

Is he a good organiser in other areas of his life? At work say? Or planning events? Some people are just woefully bad at organising themselves and planning ahead (that'd be me!) You might need to tell him exactly what to do in words of one syllable rather than a general 'could you be a bit more efficient and less noisy?' He could make a list of things to get ready the night before. Once he's done the things on the list a few times, it will hopefully become second nature. I'm not suggesting for one minute that you do it FOR him, maybe just help him to adjust his brain settings! I know that I need led by the hand sometimes, even though, to the outside world, I appear to be a fully functioning human adult.

No idea what can be done about the humming though! That would drive me insane.

Bloody annoying. Dh is like a ninja cat burglar I will wake up and he is gone. Clothes downstairs uses downstairs loo showers night before

So many selfish men urgh

He needs telling, my husband got up at stupid o'clock for many years and hardly ever woke me, he even rolled his motorbike silently down the drive outside our bedroom window and down the street before starting it up. No excuse for your husband waking you all!

This is what people who love their family do. FFS the amount of people who put up with this sort of behaviour.

He does know he makes a noise, you've told him. He knows it wakes his kids up at 5am, but still can't be assed to change.

What kind of person does that?? Fuck sake.

This is not the behaviour of someone who gives a fuck about anyone else.

This smacks of "I'm awake, so you all need to be awake".

I genuinely could not be with someone like this. I'm obviously not saying LTB but if you've told him and he's not changed his early morning routine. There is no respect there. I bet this is not the only example of his selfishness.

Why the fuck would you ask him politely when you’ve asked him numerous times before and he’s completely ignored you? He is either really stupid or really really selfish and you should be TELLING him to stfu not asking him.