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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Made to feel guilty. Dog rehomed

245 replies

MrsWarleggan · 31/08/2020 19:40

My friends dog bit me, and 2 hours later, my toddler on Saturday. Biting me was my fault, toddler was just standing near him and hadn't even touched him.

He was a pup and without my knowledge they took him back to where they got him from yesterday. They are heartbroken.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse. Later on in the day my friends son, pushed my eldest who started crying and I was greeted with "I can't get rid of him too". I was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to say. This dog had my toddlers hand in its mouth for just being near him yet I'm being made out to be the bad person. Then followed numerous discussions throughout the evening about how devastated they are that he's gone and I felt massively uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Transpires that another of the litter has been put down for biting a kid.

AIBU or are they??

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 22:14

The fact is that you now have a 9 month old dog with a bite history looking for a home. Most people are not going to want that dog.

It's true and very sad.

BBCONEANDTWO · 31/08/2020 22:17

@NailsNeedDoing

Well, you do share some responsibility if you’re going to let your toddler stand around next to a dog that you know bites.

It sounds like the owners made the right decision though, hopefully the dog will end up somewhere that it’s given a better chance.

Why didn't the owners put the puppy in another room. Also sounds to me that they were looking at any excuse to get rid of it.
Lougle · 31/08/2020 22:17

"Nice drip feed BTW. Your OP sounds like it just went for you out the blue whereas you, a stranger to it, tried to take something out of it's mouth. A mouth full of teeth."

First line of the OP: Biting me was my fault.

roarfeckingroarr · 31/08/2020 22:19

Poor pup. Why weren't you looking after your child?

frumpety · 31/08/2020 22:20

@MrsTerryPratchett it is very sad because in the right home the dog would be a brilliant and loyal companion for many years. Sad

Beautiful3 · 31/08/2020 22:23

Puppies do bite. Mine did. They grow out of it. If not, they should have contacted a dog behaviourist. They visit the dogs home and teach you how to correct bad behaviour like biting. We had some issues with food guarding and puppy training really helped.

krustykittens · 31/08/2020 22:23

OP, it might not have been your friend's first dog but that doesn't mean they aren't fucking idiots. Collies and collie x's can be difficult and it sounds like this dog has not had any proper training. NONE of my dogs would still chomp like a puppy at nine months old. It should have been put in another room and not given the chance to bite your child. Don't feel guilty. As for that comment about not being able to re-home their child, that was low!

buckeejit · 31/08/2020 22:23

FFS! OP's DH was looking after child, OP did nothing to antagonise dog other than say 'drop'

I can't believe the stick you're getting over this.

Sounds like the owners were not a good fit for the dog. I'd bet that wasn't the only incident they've had with the dog

ArabellaScott · 31/08/2020 22:31

OP, sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. Sorry you got bitten, sorry your DD got bitten, sorry the dog got put down and you feel bad about it. What a sad tale.

Advicewouldbeappreciated · 31/08/2020 22:32

Mumsnet are very weird about dogs and treat them as more precious than babies.
If an animal bites then yes it is unsafe. It is not your fault the child was bitten nor that the owners gave it back.
Some on here would excuse a dog mauling a child

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 22:35

[quote frumpety]@MrsTerryPratchett it is very sad because in the right home the dog would be a brilliant and loyal companion for many years. Sad[/quote]
My lovely granddad, rest his soul, was an amazing man. He used to adopt dogs with far worse issues that this one. His last dog was a collie x as well, found beaten and tied up under a caravan. DGD had him until the dog died. Dog was a reactive biter, only of men. You'd get a warning but that was it, your look out.

I have never know any man before or since with such a command of dogs. He taught me how to use a shepherd whistle as well. Such a wonderful man. Sad That's the kind of owner this dog needs.

Touca · 31/08/2020 22:36

OP, sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. Sorry you got bitten, sorry your DD got bitten, sorry the dog got put down and you feel bad about it. What a sad tale.
The dog hasn't been put down, but returned to the breeder. It is all sad though. Sounds like bad owners in all likelihood.

ElizabethG81 · 31/08/2020 22:41

People are so weird about dogs on here. Dog bites woman and her child - "there must have been a warning sign", "oh it's just a baby". WTF?

I bet you're all the type of dog owners who laugh when they run up to random strangers barking and jumping and shout "he's just being friendly, he won't do you any harm".

SeaEagleFeather · 31/08/2020 22:44

In terms of your friends it sounds like they're blaming you. Give them some space, but tbh I think they are being unreasonable. It was their dog to look after and their decision to rehome him.

If it wasn't you the dog bit, it might well have been someone else if it wasn't trained and socialised enough, and in the wrong environment for it.

frumpety · 31/08/2020 22:47

@MrsTerryPratchett I know someone very similar to your lovely Grandad, every dog he has owned has been the one no-one else would consider due to its history, over the years he has saved a lot of doggy lives.

I couldn't personally have done what he did due to having small children, but I did rehome a big dog with absolutely no training, worst six months of my life and best ten and a half years after that, still miss the big old beast, one more week and my quest for a new mad dog begins in earnest Grin

Jenasaurus · 31/08/2020 22:47

Can I ask when do puppies tend to grow out of the mouthing stage. My DS has a lovely 8 month old whippet and whilst he doesn't draw blood he is so excited when you first arrive to visit he does mouth a bit which makes me a little nervous of him. Do they calm down when they are neutered?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 22:48

I bet you're all the type of dog owners who laugh when they run up to random strangers barking and jumping and shout "he's just being friendly, he won't do you any harm".

No I'm the owner with my nervous dog on a short lead. Once again today some bloke thinks he's Cesar Milan when I say, "please don't he's nervous" leans over him and puts his arm out. Moron. At which point my poor pup jumps back and cowers behind me. Fuck off idiot man, I warned you. "Oh he really is nervous" no shit Sherlock.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 22:52

I know someone very similar to your lovely Grandad, every dog he has owned has been the one no-one else would consider due to its history

There are lovely people. Thank goodness because it's never the dogs fault. They are animals after all.

krustykittens · 31/08/2020 22:55

I took on a fear aggressive dog a year ago, a little French Bulldog, who is small and cute but is terrified of small children after her previous owner let his feral kids pick her up by the head as a puppy and throw her across the room and he beat her a lot, so she is very scared of people reaching over her head suddenly. We live on a farm and rarely bring her out into town because passersby think it is acceptable to grab at her and won't fucking listen when you tell them to leave her alone. And no, I would never leave her around a small child or anyone vulnerable and she sleeps in the kitchen with our other dogs when we have guests or they go to the utility room where they have crates filled with blankets, toys and chews. Too many people treat animals like toys, dog owners and so-called animal lovers.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 22:59

she is very scared of people reaching over her head suddenly

So is mine and people insist on trying to pet him. Fortunately he's just terrified not bitey.

Wereeaglesdare · 31/08/2020 23:02

Omg. I'm a dog lover but fucking hell some of the people on here are bloody pathetic. And you better believe if a dog bit my toddler unprovoked i would have found it hard not to boot it in the head. In what kind of fucking world do dogs who bite babies get sympathy!

The OP admitted she shouldn't of took anything out of its mouth but her little kid who is probably petrified of dogs now BTW walked past unprovoked. What is worrying more so than anything is this dog didn't give off any warning signs. Dogs like people are sometimes just unhinged I've had one couldn't of been nicer to it but it was a result of shit breeding. Some dogs just go off without warning and it isn't anyones fault. But no OP you shouldn't feel guilty. When anyone says anything in future just say we'll it's a good bloody job it showed itself now so that none of your children got mauled to death.

I'm sorry your toddler had a traumatic experience and I'm sorry you came on here to get blamed for it. Dogs can be bloody angels in disguise but at the end of the day you never truly know what your dog is thinking. I wouldn't trust any dog around a kid but especially one like that.

frumpety · 31/08/2020 23:03

@Jenasaurus they do calm down eventually , but your DS needs to stop him from mouthing people, it is quite exciting when new people visit and they get a bit full of themselves and grab in excitement, whippets and greyhounds are prone to a bit of bitey face in play ( check out youtube to see examples of this mad act !). It isn't biting in the true sense of the word, more of a play thing that needs to be controlled in triggering situations. I used to use the puppy yelp with mine when he did it ( not a GH or whippet but other sighthound ), but that was many moons ago and probably out of date as far as current dog training methods are concerned ? Dogs will play with each other quite roughly but generally don't bite too hard, so if you make a noise and react like they have they will back off.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 23:07

What is worrying more so than anything is this dog didn't give off any warning signs.

It is extremely unusual for dogs not to give a warning. Sometimes those warning aren't seen or heeded. But they almost always do.

krustykittens · 31/08/2020 23:08

MrsTerryPratchett She does growl and show her teeth but she is so tiny, people think it is cute! I have only brought her into town twice and one woman chased her around my daughter's legs as she kept pulling her behind her to get her out of reach, saying, "Don't worry, I'm used to rescue dogs, my boyfriend works in a shelter!" FFS, never again! The one thing she goes crazy about is being picked up, which I can't blame her for. Everything else has improved gaurading, recall, toilet training, moving neat her (!) but if you pick her up, for any reason, she goes crazy, snapping and snarling and if a body part gets in the way, oh well. I would NEVER trust her around a child. She is like a permanent puppy and kids love to pick up puppies! But apart from that she is a loving, sweet, mischievous little dog and we love her dearly. We have to accept that she was traumatised when very young and that she may never recover completely and protect her from that trauma, and other people from it, as much as we can. Dogs are what people make of them and the OP's friends don't sound like they took their responsibilities very seriously. If a dog even showed its teeth, why on earth would you leave it around your guests, especially a child?

Lockheart · 31/08/2020 23:09

This thread is insane.

OP acknowledges the bite was her fault.

OP did not blame the dog or demand it was rehomed.

The only people to blame in this scenario are the owners. Firstly for not controlling / training the dog effectively (with the caveat of course that being 9 months old the dog may not be fully trained yet) and secondly for rehoming the dog rather than working with it and a professional trainer to rectify the situation.

I have no idea why people have decided this is the OPs fault.