Made to feel guilty. Dog rehomed

[MrsWarleggan]

My friends dog bit me, and 2 hours later, my toddler on Saturday. Biting me was my fault, toddler was just standing near him and hadn't even touched him.

He was a pup and without my knowledge they took him back to where they got him from yesterday. They are heartbroken.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse. Later on in the day my friends son, pushed my eldest who started crying and I was greeted with "I can't get rid of him too". I was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to say. This dog had my toddlers hand in its mouth for just being near him yet I'm being made out to be the bad person. Then followed numerous discussions throughout the evening about how devastated they are that he's gone and I felt massively uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Transpires that another of the litter has been put down for biting a kid.

AIBU or are they??

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse.

It sounds like you were digging for sympathy and it backfired.

Don't let toddlers be in the situation that a dog can bite them.

Don't take responsibility for somebody else's decisions with their own dog.

If it had already bitten it's owner, they were foolish to allow it to be around guests.

They were unreasonable to make the comment about sending the child back too.

You were unreasonable for centering your feelings at an event with mutual friends.

I'm also curious to know about why it bit you but, regardless, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you didn't make the decision to return the puppy.

But as others have said, you may have been unreasonable allowing your child to be around a dog that had given you a fairly serious bite.

I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that".

Someone agreed with you. THE HORROR. I have an aversion to passive comments like these which are actually a fishing trip, hoping for a certain response.

A bit like people posting selfies saying 'oh I feel sooooo ugly in this picture' knowing damn well they don't. Don't fish, you might instead get someone's actual opinion.

And my two yo wouldn't have been within 10 feet of a mouthy 9 mo puppy.

[quote user1473878824]@ThroughThickAndThin01 That’s not what the post said. It said another dog from the litter bit a child and was put down.

OP you aren’t in the wrong though also I am a bit that you let your toddler near a dog that bit you so you must have found aggressive.

Amazed at all the people going oh nooo but all puppies are a bit mouthy! The owners made a decision, it sounds like the right one when they also have a child.[/quote]
Of course it said that! The puppy is 9 months old, and it’s litter mate was put down for biting.

A nine month old dog is not “just a baby”. Not an adult, but way past the baby stage.

I wouldn’t dwell too much on the first comment you got - if you say “I feel guilty about X” and your feeling are understandable though irrational (which they are) then you can’t really complain when someone responds “yes that’s understandable” without psychically realising that you wanted them to say “no that’s ridiculous of course you shouldn’t feel guilty at all!”

Comments from the dog-owner do sound out of order, but you should cut her some slack, she’s presumably devastated at having to get rid of a dog they’ve come to love over a period of months.

@user1473878824

He had always been a typical pup with the whole mouthing. Had never been anything other than lovely. He bit me because he had had something in his mouth that he shouldn't of and I tried to get it out. Not by pulling it out but by coaxing and he just went. He had never given any impression in the past about being aggressive towards me or my DD.

A nine month old dog is not “just a baby”. Not an adult, but way past the baby stage.

Not a baby but still a puppy. Mine was mouthy past that age. He learned.

Sounds like he hasn’t been trained and I’m surprised the breeder took him back. It was their decision and they made it but I would personally have given them some space for a few days as they naturally have feelings about it.

Sounds like the dog's now-previous owner is telling your mutual friends you said they had to get rid of the dog.

[quote MrsWarleggan]@user1473878824

He had always been a typical pup with the whole mouthing. Had never been anything other than lovely. He bit me because he had had something in his mouth that he shouldn't of and I tried to get it out. Not by pulling it out but by coaxing and he just went. He had never given any impression in the past about being aggressive towards me or my DD.[/quote]
You don’t coax things off a dog and definitely not a dog that is not yours, he would see that as a threat.

The dog should have a drop command. If my dog has something he shouldn’t we sharply stay “drop” and he immediately does so. He has been doing that since young.

@BlacklashStarts

I would have been more than happy to give them space. I didn't even know that's what they were doing. Literally got a phone call yesterday afternoon saying the had taken her back.

@DolphinsAndNemesis

The bite was bad enough for the child to end up in hospital and the police were called.

I think I would have said something after a while of various comments, such as it wasn't me that made you rehome your dog. Actually, I think I would have left after the comment about not being able to get rid of the son as well. They rehomed it without your knowledge, so why are they taking it out on you? Did someone else report the biting and they assume it was you? If they decided to rehome the dog on their own, their behaviour is really weird.

It sounds like the right thing for both the family and the dog to be honest.

What sort of dog?

@Staffy1. I agree, they want to blame the OP for their failure to train their dog.

@CrunchyNutNC

What sort of dog?

I'm betting a breed that needs proper training to avoid this kind of thing and didn't receive it.

OP, you were bitten by their dog and so was your child. It is not your fault and you should not feel guilty, at all!

The owner should have taken charge immediately after the initial bite and shut the dog away in another room, so no further harm could happen to their guests. They didn't.

I suspect this is not an isolated incident, maybe your friend has been dealing with other aggressive behavior that led them to make the decision to rehome.

If my friend was bitten by my dog I would be mortified and would have at least called to see if they were OK and to apologize again.

Your other friend who made the snarky comment about not rehoming her son doesn't sound very nice.

Don't beat yourself up about this!

He was a collie "x"

I think they probably are aware of the litter mate being PTS and panicked that they couldn't control the biting, I know PP have said 9 months is just a puppy but training should be sorted by then imo and I have a very large breed dog that was trained not to mouth from very young and was around children (got her at 8 weeks)
Sounds like the dog ruled the roost

No, of course you shouldn’t feel guilty. Their dog bit you. They did the right thing.

Well - they've almost definitely failed to train it properly and/or its in a stressful environment and/or its in pain. Dogs don't just bite out of nowhere.

Collies are intense dogs that need a LOT of work. Wonderful dogs when properly trained and looked after. No way I would ever get one because I wouldn't be able to cope.

Not your fault. I'd say they'll be looking to pass the blame though

So the dog has bitten (at least):

It's owners
You
Your child.

He may be only 9 months old , but he has all his adult teeth, and is at least 80% of his adult size. He needs a better home, and owners who can train him. As a PP said, there may well have been other incidents, and you getting bitten was just the last straw.

Sounds like absolutely nobody in your circle - or indeed the other owners of the other puppy - know the first thing about dogs.

Did they get it during lockdown or just before? I assume no formal puppy training or anything?

Collie crosses - especially if from a backyard breeder - need careful training, socialisation and ongoing work and supervision. They are not ideal dogs for inexperienced dog owners with young children.

You don’t need to feel guilty but it’s not great all round.

Puppies can be bitey right up until 1 year old. You should never try and get something out of a dog’s mouth. Yes it needs to be trained the ‘leave’ command. And to have a soft mouth if still nippy/bitey.

Poor owners really and they used this as an excuse. I had no idea puppies could be so bitey. I wanted to send mine back many a time but we persisted and trained him.