Made to feel guilty. Dog rehomed

[MrsWarleggan]

My friends dog bit me, and 2 hours later, my toddler on Saturday. Biting me was my fault, toddler was just standing near him and hadn't even touched him.

He was a pup and without my knowledge they took him back to where they got him from yesterday. They are heartbroken.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse. Later on in the day my friends son, pushed my eldest who started crying and I was greeted with "I can't get rid of him too". I was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to say. This dog had my toddlers hand in its mouth for just being near him yet I'm being made out to be the bad person. Then followed numerous discussions throughout the evening about how devastated they are that he's gone and I felt massively uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Transpires that another of the litter has been put down for biting a kid.

AIBU or are they??

Collies are great dogs for the 'right' people and those people work their little socks off and keep their brains occupied. I am not one of those people so will never own a Collie. Even those I know who are owned by the right sort of people have nipped or have tried to nip at least one person, the owner not included.

Going from an aged rescue to a Collie cross puppy was always going to be a difficult journey, they would have probably been better getting one of the many middle aged dogs in rescue, who are looking for a sofa, a decent meal and frequent belly rubs, with the occasional zoomie thrown in for good measure.

@MrsTerryPratchett

It was my fault because I shouldn't have been the one to tell her. I should have left it to her owner but I was closest and thought I could get her to drop it.

What did the dog have in its mouth?

9 month old dogs shouldn't bite, that's not puppy teething that guarding and aggression.

You did nothing wrong, I suspect they have used you as an excuse as they couldn't train the poor dog.

@Delatron

Socks and she was chewing them.

I really think you should stop worrying about this OP.

This is up to the owners. Even if you think you provoked the dog, they could have taken that into account and not sent the dog back.

I would feel guilty in your position because it is upsetting to see a dog sent back, but it really is the fault of the owners.

Disgusting for putting a baby down for biting, like putting a toddler down for biting. Despicable!

YANBU, except maybe in staying there, with your toddler, after the dog had already bitten you.

It was their choice, not yours, to rehome the dog. A dog with these aggressive tendencies would need very careful training, and perhaps they weren't willing or able to provide it. The dog might be better off with someone else.

I have a feeling you might have provided them with a convenient 'out' of a situation OP that they were not comfortable with. If they were committed to the dog, they would have been able to access a whole load of resources to address the issues. This dog wasn't for them and you are the scapegoat.

Wait.. so YOU tried to remove something from a puppies mouth that doesn't really know you and you wonder why you got bit??

Also why were you even in the same room with your child and the dog IF the pup had already bitten you??

Your child walked past it. Why the hell would you even let your child near it????

Why were you sitting on your bum letting your child anywhere near it?

Nice drip feed BTW. Your OP sounds like it just went for you out the blue whereas you, a stranger to it, tried to take something out of it's mouth. A mouth full of teeth.

So the dog bit you and you deemed it still to be safe around your small child? For fucks sake, I despair.

Absolutely not your fault of responsibility at all. Do not give it a second thought, you have nothing to feel guilty about, although if I was in your shoes, I would feel bad about it.

However, it’s completely their fault. We have three dogs and yes, they can be mouthy as pups but ours were never ever mouthy with other people. In fact, they’ve never once bitten us. 9 months old is old enough to have been taught how to behave. One of ours is a Collie x and was extremely easy to train. They are very intelligent and learn fast. Clearly your friends haven’t trained it correctly and are taking their lack of action out on you as it’s easier than admitting they’ve mess up.

Ultimately the owner is responsible for the dog. The owner should have taken the dog somewhere quieter and calmer, made sure it had settled, etc. They should also have been very clear on (eg) keeping toddler away, or whatever.

It was then the owners who chose to rehome (though in reality if dog properly but 2 people in one afternoon they’d be right to trust it less).

I also wonder how many people posting on here would be willing to take on a 9 month old dog who has 'bitten' an adult and a child ? I know there will be a couple of you who would have the experience to deal with the dog in this situation, but being absolutely honest, most of us wouldn't would we ?

leli what an utterly nasty post.

Not much of a good friend. Sounds very entitled.

I'd ditch them rapidly and not look back.

If I had a dog and it bit my friend AND then my friend's child I'd be looking at various courses of action to prevent this from ever happening again.

Owners sound like twats. They care more about the dog than they do about your and your family and your friendship.

Yuck.

Nothing to do with you. Move on.

I would take on that dog. I really want one but can’t afford the huge lockdown puppy prices.

I have no young children and have previously owned collies. It bit, but it didn’t savage anyone. It could be trained. It probably needs somewhere much quieter and it’s own space.

@frumpety

I also wonder how many people posting on here would be willing to take on a 9 month old dog who has 'bitten' an adult and a child ? I know there will be a couple of you who would have the experience to deal with the dog in this situation, but being absolutely honest, most of us wouldn't would we ?

There's a difference between keeping your dog that bit someone and making an effort to deal with it and taking on a dog that bites.

Thanks for all your thoughts. Really appreciate it. Also a good job that I'm not offended easily!

Yes my puppy used to actually eat the socks so the owners should have been much more on top of the situation.

I appreciate that @MrsTerryPrachett which is why I wondered if the owners were using the OP and her child being bitten as an excuse to get rid, most people would look at training the animal as the first course of action if they were committed to it ? Or at the very least crate train/muzzle train it for when they had visitors ?

The fact is that you now have a 9 month old dog with a bite history looking for a home. Most people are not going to want that dog.

When I was a child my grandfather had a collie that was always unreliable around (particularly) children. It was a working sheepdog, very intelligent, intense, territorial by nature, well trained to harness its instincts to herd. Its temperament was made more manageable because it was working hard and getting plenty of stimulation on his farm. I remember my grandfather always saying “keep away” and commenting on how people shouldn’t have working dogs in domestic situations where they don’t (generally) get the right training and almost always get inadequate exercise. I think he was right, people make silly choices all the time which is unfair on the dog and on the humans who get the wrong side of a bored and poorly trained animal. Let’s hope the dog is rehomed somewhere more suitable. It’s not your fault OP, it sounds like they realise they can’t manage such a challenging (by amazing, clever) breed.

@GetawayfromthatWelshtart

What on earth are your rambling on about? The OP said from the start that it was her fault she got bitten.

Although honestly I think she's being a bit hard on herself, a dog shouldn't bite when told to 'drop'

@Stripesgalore

Despite the incident he really is a lovely dog and up until that point I had no concerns with him at all. As I previously said I made no fuss about it. Of course when he bit LO I was concerned, but ultimately it was my fault he bit me. It does make me wonder whether there had been other incidents as other PPs have mentioned when we haven't been there, as I was really surprised when they called.