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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Made to feel guilty. Dog rehomed

245 replies

MrsWarleggan · 31/08/2020 19:40

My friends dog bit me, and 2 hours later, my toddler on Saturday. Biting me was my fault, toddler was just standing near him and hadn't even touched him.

He was a pup and without my knowledge they took him back to where they got him from yesterday. They are heartbroken.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse. Later on in the day my friends son, pushed my eldest who started crying and I was greeted with "I can't get rid of him too". I was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to say. This dog had my toddlers hand in its mouth for just being near him yet I'm being made out to be the bad person. Then followed numerous discussions throughout the evening about how devastated they are that he's gone and I felt massively uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Transpires that another of the litter has been put down for biting a kid.

AIBU or are they??

OP posts:

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/09/2020 19:38

You keep jumping between calling the dog "he" and "she"

Localocal · 01/09/2020 19:50

Hang on, everyone. OP clearly said the first bite was her fault - I'm assuming she was interacting with the dog, or accidentally stepped on it or something. This would not be a reason to keep a child out of the room the dog was in. Stop trying to blame the child being bitten on OP. She had no reason to think the dog would bite for no reason. And it is most certainly the owner's job to keep their dog from biting someone else, especially a child and especially in the home.

I'm not a dog person, so I don't know whether 9 months is too old to be biting. I am guessing they will have had the dog for at least a few months, though, and have had a fair amount of time to train it not to bite. If they haven't it's either the dog that's wrong or the training. Either way it is certainly not OP's.

It sounds like your friend feels guilty because she knows they are using your experience as an excuse to get rid of a dog they can't be bothered to train properly. She has then moaned to the other friend and made out that you asked them to get rid of it.

Make it clear to both friends that you did not ask Friend 1 to get rid of the dog and that if she chose to do so that was her choice, not yours. I would personally also add that my bite is healing nicely, thanks for asking and so is my child's. But you are probably a bigger person than me and will avoid such snark.

Whatever you say, do not let them make you feel guilty about this. People who refuse to take responsibility for their dogs should not be allowed to have them.

Melathome · 01/09/2020 19:56

Better safe than sorry, some dogs are not trustworthy.

AuntyPasta · 01/09/2020 20:07

’Stop trying to blame the child being bitten on OP.‘

If a dog bites hard enough to draw blood and leave puncture marks you don’t have a small child in the room with it 2 hours later. You just don’t. That was your warning. Small children can startle or fall over the calmest dogs. It’s a totally foreseeable risk.

SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 01/09/2020 21:00

Young puppies do nip/bite, a good owner works with them to correct the behaviour!

Notenoughchocolateomg · 01/09/2020 21:03

You did nothing wrong. One of my family members and their partner got a puppy. They clearly had no idea what they were doing. But would not heed advice from anyone 🙄 dog bit me, my children and other family members. I then told them that my children were not allowed near the dog. I was accused of being dramatic by some family members who had themselves been bitten by the dog, who then denied being bitten by it-which i saw (but moaned at it biting them to me). Dog then bit yet another family member and they discussed keeping that info from me as I'll only over react. Few months later they decide to have dog put to sleep, but refuse to talk about why. 🙄 clearly I was right and he was dangerous, but God forbid they ever admit that.

LadyLairdArgyll · 01/09/2020 21:06

Oh - you were there were you, LadyArgyll?

I wasn't there any more than you were - but I know dogs.

And I know that the chances of there not being a warning, as opposed to there being an unnoticed or ignored warning, as practically nil.

and as I said... we have an eye witness

KorumamaT · 01/09/2020 21:42

They will thank you one day.
Please don’t waste anymore energy on thinking about their stupidity.

Lollipops1987 · 01/09/2020 21:56

@Serin

I have an 11year old Lhasa Apso, a gentler dog has never been born, but when we have guests round (especially tiny guests) he is put into another room with a nice bone. I trust my dog but I don't ever want him to be in the position where he has reacted badly/bitten someone and is then in trouble. He is too precious for that.

And this my friends is what you call a sensible dog owner! My mum was one of those stupid people that got a dog who's breed she knew nothing about (collie). After my nagging her to do her research, she did and luckily for her, managed to train him well and he was a lovely dog. Having said that, my mum has bad arthritis and didn't realise how much exercise he needed, so it was left to old muggings here to give him a good walk. I never left him with my children because although i trusted him, he would get so excited and would go nuts jumping up a d bouncing around. He knocked me over once and i'm nearly 6ft and 12 stone!!

EvilPea · 01/09/2020 22:34

Twatty teenager. I always think that’s the hardest part of dog ownership. It’s also why rescues end up full of them. Full grown, almost should know better but behave like puppies.

Sounds like the owners have shifted blame to you, but ultimately it’s down to them to have trained it and persevered with it.

bombaychef · 02/09/2020 00:06

Sounds like a very untrained dog to me. They don't deserve him

LockdownLemon · 02/09/2020 00:22

One thing these dog biting threads all have in common is the attempt to first blame the person/child who was bitten. My DS was attacked by a dog when he was 2. The dog was tied up outside a shop, we were walking into the shop and the dog lunged at DS and bit him. The very first thing the dog owner said was - and I quote exactly - "he must have provoked him". Not an apology. Not concern for my son. Just an automatic attempt to blame my DS rather than the dog. Fortunately there were witnesses who put her straight immediately. Then the conversation switched to the expected statements of surprise, the dog has never done it before, he's normally so friendly, he loves children. Blah fucking blah. Nope - your dog attacks children unprovoked. And I bet the dog goes on to bite a few more before their owner takes any action, if in fact they do anything.

Darkstarrheart · 02/09/2020 00:27

At what age were the puppies removed from their mum?
Puppies should stay with their mother until at least 9 weeks preferably ten, their mother and littermates teach them not to bite too hard and the consequences if they do. Unfortunately, a lot of breeders and potential owners don't know this and it's always the pup that has to suffer for this impatience.

ekidmxcl · 02/09/2020 00:42

They didn’t get rid of the dog because of the incident with you. It sounds like they already wanted to get rid of him and this provided the opportunity. I’d forget about it.

baldrickslittlesister · 02/09/2020 00:49

Why on Earth were you letting your child stand anywhere near a dog that had just bitten you ?

Aglet · 02/09/2020 07:45

The suggestion by some that a 9 month old puppy that bites hard enough to draw blood is just being a puppy is absurd and potentially dangerous. My doberman puppy at 9 months was the size of a small pony and could have killed someone had he chosen to. That dog has either been taken from mum too early before she had a chance to discipline him, has had no training, or has a personality defect. Either way he needs intense training to stop him being dangerous.

Margerine78 · 02/09/2020 09:22

I think your friend is making excuses to get rid of the dog. My dog's 10 and has a right attitude problem with other dogs. When he went for one we got a dog trainer and made sure we walked him on a short lead when other dogs are about. As a puppy they just needed to train him! Scary you and your child were bit (I've been there) but taking the dog straight back seems drastic on your friend's part, and blaming you unfair.

Thankgoodness1 · 02/09/2020 10:10

Sounds like the owner was looking for an excuse to give the dog back...

MarleyTheDog · 02/09/2020 10:17

a dog shouldn't bite when told to 'drop'

A dog isn’t going to drop on command if he hasn’t been taught the drop command. OP says she is an experienced dog owner. Obviously not experienced enough to instinctively offer the dog a tasty treat in exchange for the socks.

There are a lot of things that don’t add up in this “story”.

A 9 month old puppy isn’t going to be calm in a room full of adults and children and then suddenly, randomly bite a toddler for passing. That dog would have been in a state of high alert from the point that OP and her family entered his home. The dog should have been put into another room where it could rest. Instead it was expected to lie quietly and mind its own business in a roomful of activity. A 9 month old collie!

What injuries did your DD sustain OP? Apart from saying the dog was holding her hand in its mouth there has been no mention of actual injury.

Aglet · 02/09/2020 10:48

Don't let stupid people blame you for what the dog did, and don't blame the dog. The owners were the problem.

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