Made to feel guilty. Dog rehomed

[MrsWarleggan]

My friends dog bit me, and 2 hours later, my toddler on Saturday. Biting me was my fault, toddler was just standing near him and hadn't even touched him.

He was a pup and without my knowledge they took him back to where they got him from yesterday. They are heartbroken.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse. Later on in the day my friends son, pushed my eldest who started crying and I was greeted with "I can't get rid of him too". I was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to say. This dog had my toddlers hand in its mouth for just being near him yet I'm being made out to be the bad person. Then followed numerous discussions throughout the evening about how devastated they are that he's gone and I felt massively uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Transpires that another of the litter has been put down for biting a kid.

AIBU or are they??

@vanillandhoney

Exactly, coaxing. "Not by pulling it out"

How have you got forcing his mouth open from that??

9 month old dogs do not have 'needle teeth' they have adult teeth.
If they had a young dog who still had a tendency to mouth & nip, they should have told you, especially with a toddler around. They were clearly unaware of this, so not very good owners and certainly hadn't trained the dog.
Going for your DD unprovoked is concerning.
I'm glad they've given him back.

@DimidDavilby

You let your toddler stand next to a dog that had just bitten you?!?!

Precisely THIS!

Obviously I don't know the full circumstances, but I still think it was very wrong to have a 9-month-old puppy put down.

And now I know it was a collie. . . We just lost our wonderful collie and I am grieving for him intensely. He lived to be 14, but we hoped we would have him for a few more years. They are such amazing dogs.

Frankly astounded you a) stayed b) let your child be around a dog that had bit you a couple of hours earlier. You got bloody lucky you're not a news story today. Completely irresponsible parenting

I don't see that it was your fault that the dog bit you.

Having bitten you, the owners should have removed the dog from the situation while there was a toddler in the house. But since they didn't, I would have asked them to put the dog in another room, and kept Dd out of reach of the dog.

I am baffled as to why you would implicate yourself in feeling guilty to your other friends. By telling them you feel guilty you were giving them licence to view you as guilty. As you say, you didn't ask them to re-home the dog.

But they sound like idiots anyway. Or that is the way they behaved.

The dog sounds unreliable and it is good it is being re-homed.

I'm thinking it was an excuse to get rid of the dog ,my beagle is three years old I have had her since she was nine weeks old ,she was a bit nippy as a puppy ,as they all are but I can't recall her nipping after around 6 months and she never drew blood .

Neither you nor the pup’s (ex) owners seem to have an ounce of common sense between you. Poor dog.

@ThroughThickAndThin01

9 months is a baby.

Sure for a human, for a dog that's fully grown and certainly past any nipping.

Depending on the dog I'm amazed a 9 month old could actually draw blood from the OP without it being s significant wound. A 9 month old lab biting an adult is like trying to shove knitting needles into somone skin. It's no puppy nip on needle it's a lot of force and isnt happening accidentally

[quote MrsWarleggan]@vanillandhoney

Exactly, coaxing. "Not by pulling it out"

How have you got forcing his mouth open from that??[/quote]
Because that's what it implied to me. Otherwise you'd have said "I asked him to drop it".

Meh, not a hill I'm going to die on.

Regardless, you stayed and let your child remain around the dog after it bit you. That is a huge mistake on your part. Why on earth didn't you go home?

Sure for a human, for a dog that's fully grown and certainly past any nipping.

Nine months isn't fully grown - it's bang in the middle of the teenage years, where commands and good behaviour often go right out of the window.

My dpuppy is 9 months. Sadly due to Covid no ddoggy classes or out of home training.. She def isn't the ddog we had envisaged having. Your sad story tells me 2 families with a dpuppy each with zero training has resulted in these awful endings.
Don't feel bad op. I think you have been the scapegoat here.
We are obviously hoping for a class soon.

Having a dog sat between owner and another person while someone walks past is a classic scenario where someone would get bitten, because the dog feels trapped.

If the dog had already bitten you, it was clearly stressed and should have been in another room, not kept in with various visiting adults and kids.

It is incredibly sad that the dog got sent back.

Poor puppy that's what they do.

I've had several dogs from a couple of months old and none of them have still been nipping/mouthing at nine months old. Whilst I'm not suggesting it needed rehoming, the owners definitely need some guidance and training.

I also think the Owners used OP and her child as feeble excuses to get rid of this dog, the simpering excuses to friends and relatives, having been handed the golden excuse of having bitten. They were looking to get rid of the dog now everyone is slowly returning to work school etc. Do not accept this OP, you didn't complain or ask them to do any such thing like getting rid of the wee dog, they did this off their own backs. They didn't really want the dog, a genuine owner would have enjoyed training the dog, they sadly did not do any such thing. So No you are not to blame.

It's hard to give a whole picture in a post which might be why you are getting such unsympathetic responses but I would say you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and the second lot of friends have no business making you feel worse. The dog wasn't trustworthy, it bit your son with no provocation, it needed to go back. Hopefully to a decent breeder who will find it a suitable home. Yes all very upsetting for your friends who presumably wanted a dog for life, but not your fault.

And I don’t think it is your fault OP. It is the owner’s fault

Plenty classes with obedience and teaching techniques online on YouTube, so there is no excuse to not have been training the wee dog.

@vanillandhoney

Sure for a human, for a dog that's fully grown and certainly past any nipping.

Nine months isn't fully grown - it's bang in the middle of the teenage years, where commands and good behaviour often go right out of the window.

Our pup is doing really well with training etc at the moment, he is lulling us into a false sense of security before the teenage months arrive. Hes 19 weeks at the moment, so we have a little while before the terrible teens arrive.

We didn’t actually find the puppy training classes beneficial. Our dog just got distracted by all the other dogs and it was stressful all round. I bought lots of books and learnt online.

It’s been far harder than I thought. I genuinely assumed we’d do 6 weeks of puppy school et voila a well trained dog.

Our dog is now 20 months I still spend about half an hour a day doing some sort of training.

I agree with other PP. Confronting a strange dog like that isn't a good idea. You are not it's master. Best thing is to shout for the owners to come and deal with it or offer a treat. But at the same time, I can understand why you might try to get him to drop it straight away if it was something dangerous that he could choke on etc. But my original point still stands. That biting incident was your fault.

This isn’t your fault so no need to feel guilty. Collies are amazing intelligent dogs but need a lot of work and training to keep stimulated and direct their natural instincts in a productive way. I’m guessing maybe the owners had taken on more than they expected, were struggling and this was one incident too far.

Only on MN can a dog bite several people without warning including a child, and the victim get blamed for it
What a joke this place is sometimes.

OP never asked for the dog to be rehomed. The owners must already have been considering it, probably due to the previous bites.

This is the owners fault for failing to train the dog. No one else’s.

Went round for dinner with other friends and I said to someone else that I felt guilty and instead of saying "Well, they shouldn't have bit" I got (didn't look at me) "Well yes, it's all very sad and I understand why you feel like that". I couldn't believe it, and made me feel even worse.

It sounds like you were fishing for sympathy and expected lots of poor yous The dog bit hard enough to leave puncture wounds and you hung around for another 2 hours until he but your son. I can see why your friends had limited sympathy.

Your friend knew they couldn't’ keep a dog but wanted to blame someone else for losing the dog. Give your friend plenty of time and space, then talk it through and see if she can accept some responsibility.

It’s sad the dog died but going around biting people, even if you’re cute and furry, is not okay.