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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

228 replies

Dorobie · 31/08/2020 13:51

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/08/2020 13:57

He shouldn't have asked the question, if he didn't want an honest answer! Were you a bit blunt? Yes, possibly. But I suspect he simply assumed that you, as a compliant woman, would give him the answer he wanted - and he was shocked when you didn't - which is his problem, not yours.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 31/08/2020 13:57

I think you were fine.

Packing your stuff and moving to another equally nice spot made your point, if it was very PA.

Bloke was a twonk and your DH needs to wonder why his wife saying no to a strange is an issue for him!

Alonelonelyloner · 31/08/2020 13:59

Did you also ask, 'and how much do you earn if you don't mind me asking?'

Sorry I couldn't help myself.

I think I would have done the same thing OP.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 31/08/2020 13:59

Really a big open area and they wanted to set up next to you?
I hate that even in non covid times. He shouldn't ask if he didn't want to know should he.

Florencex · 31/08/2020 14:00

What do you mean by right next to you? Was it within arms length? I am just struggling to understand why anyone would do that, even in normal times.

Somanysocks · 31/08/2020 14:00

Like you said, he did ask, and you told him.

Like the irritating people who park right next to you in an empty carpark.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 31/08/2020 14:00

Nothing wrong with you. He asked, you responded honestly.You weren't rude.

He shouldn't have asked a question when he didn't want a response.

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 14:01

I was a bit blunt! And I did actually say, why did you ask?... I also reiterated this to my husband and he said that he was just being polite.

Moving was very PA... but atleast there’s no hostile atmosphere.

OP posts:
stoploss · 31/08/2020 14:01

Do you mean he was asking to share the bench your family were sat on?

If so, no you were not unreasonable.

TwoMuchTwoYoung · 31/08/2020 14:02

Not at all rude! I'd be extremely annoyed at my dh apologising as well.

Hendalle · 31/08/2020 14:03

I wouldn’t say you were rude OP. You gave a direct answer. It just so happened that it wasn’t the answer that the man was expecting, as he wasn’t really asking, he was stating the intention to park themselves next to you and only “asked” to maintain the veneer of “politeness”.
You weren’t rude and if I was you I’d be freaking fuming with your DH for apologizing for you!

Mammabear23 · 31/08/2020 14:03

Personally I don't think ywbu
We had similar on a beach. A massive group of 3 merged families could've picked anywhere more than 2 metres away (5 even in all directions) from us yet set up directly in front of us, spoiling our view and invading 'our' space. Heard the lead mutter it was almost 2 metres before they erected their wall of wind breaks Hmm
I wish I'd said something.

user1494055864 · 31/08/2020 14:04

I hate it when other people do this. Yanbu

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2020 14:04

He asked.

Not your fault he didn't like the answer!

pigsDOfly · 31/08/2020 14:09

Not rude, no. He asked and you answered.

Clearly you're not expected to have an opinion.

I think I would have been more annoyed with my DH apologising to the man on my behalf, than anything else. In fact I would have been bloody furious about that.

FippertyGibbett · 31/08/2020 14:09

He asked and didn’t like the answer. Not your problem.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/08/2020 14:10

The question 'do you own the park?' is ruder than responding in the negative to his initial approach - however 'blunt' you were. Asking a question is not a guarantee of getting the response you're looking for. Otherwise, why trouble to ask? Might as well have gone ahead and done what he wanted in the first place.

Your husband had no right to apologise for your behaviour and I would be furious. Sounds like another case of men's entitlement to be rude while women should budge over, agree to everything they ask and be quiet.

Fuck that noise.

Sparticuscaticus · 31/08/2020 14:11

*Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’*

I have read this as he encroached closely on your family space when there was plenty other space around and you went instinctive with your teacher voice.

-Understandable in Covid times
-Easy Slipping into Teacher mode

  • You Wanted have some peace and space before return to school where you will herding naughty cats pupils all day

Frankly I'm impressed you didn't send him to Head of Year, for 100 lines of "I will leave the nice teacher and her family alone & in peace when I have plenty of other frigging space to sit my family down" GrinGrin

You are forgiven OP and weren't rude you just weren't pushover polite at your family's expense

Mellonsprite · 31/08/2020 14:13

It’s better for everyone to spread out and keep their distance. Why did he have to sit on top of you? I probably would have said ‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t actually’.
I’d be very cross at your husband for apologising on your behalf.

CalmdownJanet · 31/08/2020 14:14

Dh apologising for me would piss me off do much!!

I don't think you were being unreasonable or rude at all

AuntMasha · 31/08/2020 14:16

Grrrrrrrrr....I hate people who do that! That would totally grind my gears, OP.

I think your restraint was quite admirable really.

JM10 · 31/08/2020 14:17

Really a big open area and they wanted to set up next to you?
I hate that even in non covid times

Same here, I can't stand when there's loads of space and people go right next to you. You found yourself a space away from people, if you'd wanted to sit by others you would have.

I think he was much ruder than you.

The80sweregreat · 31/08/2020 14:20

I wouldn't have said anything , but then I'm not good at any confrontation.
Last year , someone wanted to sit at the end of our table in a very busy small cafe whilst waiting for a table to become free and dh said no! I was so shocked and the man looked unhappy too, ' be like that ' he muttered and went and stood by the door glaring at us until he got a seat.
It was very uncomfortable but dh just said he didn't want to drink his coffee with a random man sitting there and I couldn't wait to leave and go home.
I guess he didn't give the answer the man wanted either same as you.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/08/2020 14:20

You weren't rude. Your husband is a dick though.

HashtagMakingMemories · 31/08/2020 14:21

You didn't do anything wrong and you weren't rude! He was the bloody rude one. You answered his question honestly. He was an entitled prick and was relying on the British overly-polite lack of confrontation that we're all brainwashed into.