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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

228 replies

Dorobie · 31/08/2020 13:51

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

OP posts:
Hollywolly1 · 31/08/2020 15:06

He's a complete ignorant twonk to want to sit so close to you in the first place and you were quite right to tell him no, however your husband should not have apologised on your behalf, very annoying and it undermined your right to say no

BlackeyedSusan · 31/08/2020 15:07

Good for you. Rude to sit really close.

The80sweregreat · 31/08/2020 15:17

It's off topic , but the whole ' tourists are thick ' thing winds me up no end!

If all the tourists stayed away for good then many more places would shut down yet because people want to holiday in nice areas and use the facilities they are seen as a 'pita ' and invading the locals and the areas they like to go to as well!
I can see both sides of the arguments, but some people shouldn't live in tourist areas if they don't want this lifestyle during peak seasons. I'm not moaning about the ones that have lived there all their lives but people move out to these villages or the coast then start whinging. If they don't want ' second home owners' then don't sell your property to them for a profit no doubt.
Many business also rely on the holiday makers : if this hostility continues people might stay away for good.
You cant have it both ways unfortunately!
(This isn't me having a go at the op by the way , but just moaning minnies generally about ' the tourists' or whatever)

LibbyAshleigh · 31/08/2020 15:19

I don't think it was rude at all! Especially with the current situation. I'd have done the same thing to be honest!

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/08/2020 15:22

Does your dh have form for behaving as though he's in charge of you, op?
Because that'd be the real thing for me. The other guy was an arse, but I could brush it off and move on with my day (and be thankful I didn't have to live with him).
My dh apologising for me, though? That's serious shit Hmm

knittingaddict · 31/08/2020 15:23

This is something I would do op, and I make no apologies. I'm in my 50's now and just can't be doing with my supposedly allotted role of appeasing others, be they men or women.

My husband is much less likely to do what I do, but he is happy for me to crack on. In fact I think he finds it useful because he knows he can rely on me to tackle bad service and say no to a table share.

I make myself sound like a right old bag, but I'm not really. I'm always polite and give credit where it's due. I will even share a table if I'm in the right frame of mind, but I was far too nice in my youth and it's liberating to not be a doormat any more.

Serin · 31/08/2020 15:42

Yes you were a bit rude but I cant criticise you as I am becoming more and more aggressive. I was blaming the menopause then I saw a Chris Packham programme about the toxoplasmosis parasite making rats lose all fear and I even considered that I could have something similar. Blush
I used to be sweetness itself but after working through Covid on the NHS frontline I'm like "ok fuck face just try it" .
Is this the cotswolds by the way? As I've seen videos of swamped villages today.

TheVanguardSix · 31/08/2020 15:43

I absolutely cannot stand it when there are a million miles of seclusion and some toolbox of a person decides to camp out RIGHT next to me. Or the bus is empty and Bozo has to sit right next to me (in pre-COVID times). You were honest/direct. I'd have totally said the same thing. I am like you. On a day where I'm feeling tense and just need space, I am actually more direct and honest with people in this type of case. It's a good thing! I wish I wasn't such a polite pushover the rest of the time.
The guy was rude to pitch up next to you when he really could have given you some mental and physical space. I never understand people like this, especially nowadays where 'personal space' is more than just an idea, it's a way of life.
Your DH... well, he was just smoothing things over, I guess. I'd have to just let that one slide. But still... actually thinking about it, if my DH did the same thing, it would turn up the heat on my piss already on the boil.

BigBlondeBimbo · 31/08/2020 15:45

Meh, I'd also have moved. Maybe you could have been more friendly about it, but you didn't feel like it. How would your DH react if he got the arse with someone and you apologised to them on his behalf Hmm?

VintageStitchers · 31/08/2020 15:48

Your DH was a total arsehole for apologising to the idiot who has zero concept of social distancing. My DH would never try to undermine me like that, thankfully. Does the DH do shit like that normally?

Regardless of COVID, why do people think it’s ok to invade your space when you’ve clearly set up your picnic and settled in that spot?
You got there first so tough titties.

Oh and for the record, you weren’t rude enough to Mr Space Invader. He only asked because he expected you to be meek.

MouthBreathingRage · 31/08/2020 15:51

Another example of women being made to feel guilty for 'not being nice and accommodating' enough, like it should be our default setting Hmm.

If my husband had apologised in my behalf, he'd quickly find out how bloody rude I could be as well. How dare he apologise for you?! What an absolute wank thing to do, he should be embarrassed of himself.

GabsAlot · 31/08/2020 15:52

as someone once said why ask? if u dont like the answer dont ask the quesiton

id be annoyed with dh though

LadyLindaT · 31/08/2020 15:55

It's the "Do you mind if I (lights up cigarette, puffs) smoke?" question, is it not?

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 15:59

@OhTheRoses

Going against the grain here. He was polite to ask but as it is a public space you had absolutely no right whatsoever to object. Also what has being a teacher to do with it? I am stressed by having work tomorrow and I haven't just had six weeks off. I'm afraid op, I can hear the teacher tone ringing in my ears and had he known you were a teacher I'm quite he'd probably have said "don't speak to me in that tone, I am not 8" presumably your DH heard the tone and that's why he apologised. MIL has had so many tradesmen refuse to do repeat work because of this.
It’s not because I’m a teacher that I mentioned it... it was because of the back to work dread. Do you not get that after a holiday? I was putting it in to context. I could ha e just said back to work dread after some time off I guess.
OP posts:
Jeezoh · 31/08/2020 16:03

I don’t think you were rude actually, you should never ask a question like that if you only want one answer. But I’d be more cross at my DH apologising on my behalf - reminds me of the time a partner pressed the car horn when I was driving when someone cut me up. I don’t need anyone deciding to do stuff on my behalf and I made my feelings abundantly clear on that point - it never happened again Wink

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:06

@suggestionsplease1

I would have phrased it differently, similar to what *@museumum* has suggested.

But sometimes things just come out wrong unexpectedly...my friends have pulled me up when I was oblivious to something they thought sounded pretty short and I was glad they pointed it out.

Your OH, well that's a tricky one. You seem to think that you were out of character in how you phrased the rebuff, your OH seems to agree with you. I wouldn't get too worked up. If he was habitually apologising for everything you said and you were entirely happy with how you were saying things, well that would be more problematic.

Yeah he’s never had to apologise on my behalf before... although he has been embarrassed in the past when I have kind of muttered unhappily at people... an example being when someone chucks rubbish on the floor I will PA mutter ‘I’ll pick your rubbish up then’ so the offender can hear.

DH doesn’t like it when I do that but he hates any sort of attention being brought to himself... to the point where he expects me to read his mind in some situations, rather than actually speak to me with other people around... such as in a queue.

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 31/08/2020 16:07

I think he was an entitled twat

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 31/08/2020 16:08

And your DH for that matter

sleepyhead · 31/08/2020 16:09

He was rude. It's rude not to respect other people's personal space, and how much space that should mean depends on the context - in wide open areas it is rude to sit in earshot of someone else.

On certain, huge, windswept Scottish beaches it's practically considered rude to sit within eye sight of someone else (actually, that's probably just my mum who considers more than 4 people on a beach busy).

Good grief, surely this is akin to queue jumping to British people?

MaggieAndHopey · 31/08/2020 16:09

I don't think you were rude to say that you didn't want this guy and his family right next to you, but perhaps if you'd phrased your answer differently you would have had a better result.

But there's a 50/50 chance I would have answered in exactly the same way. With me, it's always either compliance followed by resentment, or grumpiness followed by guilt, there seems to be no in-between.

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:11

Here’s a pic

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!
OP posts:
DesertSky · 31/08/2020 16:11

Well I’ll probably going against the grain and say don’t sweat it. I can be particularly antisocial especially when tired or hormonal and often crowded places on bank holidays give me the rage! I never understand why in an open area or quiet restaurant for instance, people always come and sit right next to you. I think I must just be an anti socialist at heart Blush

diddl · 31/08/2020 16:12

@MintyMabel

Not rude. Your DH is a twat.
Couldn't have put it better myself!
nosswith · 31/08/2020 16:12

MaggieAndHopey I agree, better put than I could have done.

As to the 'do you own the park?'- well you could have said yes if council run.

Bbq1 · 31/08/2020 16:13

@OhTheRoses

But it is public land. The OP has no rights to any part of it and therefore no rights to tell someone else not to use a part of it even if they did ask. I think the op was exceptionally rude but accept I am outnumbered.
This. Totally agree.

Also, maybe op often speaks without thinking (despite denying it) and her husband has to apologise for her constantly.

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