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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

228 replies

Dorobie · 31/08/2020 13:51

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

OP posts:

WineTheBobbin · 31/08/2020 14:46

You weren't rude. I can't believe your husband apologised on your behalf... that's rude!

Bbq1 · 31/08/2020 14:47

Yes, you were rude. Unless he was within arms length and there is only room for literally one family where you were sat then you were out of line. If there is space for multiple families (allowing 2m for sd) then what gives you the right to take all that space for yourself? The guy saying 'Alright if we set up here?' was his way of saying 'Hi, we'll set up here'. I don't think it was a literal question that he was expecting you to really reply to, especially not negatively. Moving was also rude. Your husband was right to apologise as all the fuss wasn't necessary.

MitziK · 31/08/2020 14:47

I think he was asking a rhetorical question, or at least one where the only answer would be the one he wanted. He didn't expect it to be answered and he got arsey as a result. After all, women are supposed to meekly smile and do a cute little shrug when a man wants something like proximity.

Welcome to middleage. It's a wonderful place to be at times.

Alonetime · 31/08/2020 14:50

I get rude (and sarcastic and unkind) when I'm unhappy.

OhTheRoses · 31/08/2020 14:50

Are you ok saying @CuriousaboutSamphire that it's OK for women to speak to others as though they are of no consequence and not be called out on it. The op told the chap to sit 150 feet from her on a public beach. Probably the family were going to pitch up at least several feet away.

BlueJava · 31/08/2020 14:50

He asked. You did mind and told him so. I don't see any problem with that.

PerkingFaintly · 31/08/2020 14:51

There is a special circle of hell for people who not only have every intention of doing exactly as they please even though it blatantly inconveniences others (normal enough); but who also demand that the inconvenienced ones make them feel good about themselves while doing it.

He was intending to be an inconsiderate prat, so should just have ploughed on. Not asked for pats on the head as well.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/08/2020 14:51

Don't ask a question if you might not like the answer, I guess.

But how close was he planning on setting up? 2 metres? 6 metres? I wouldn't expect someone to stay 50 metres away from me on an uncrowded beach, but I would appreciate 20 or so.

I think there's actually 'psychology' around why people tend to congregate together in large spaces instead of spreading out, but I can't remember where I read it. Same thing as when someone parks right up next to your car in an uncrowded car park.

Yesterdayforgotten · 31/08/2020 14:51

OP YANBU as that man was invading your personal space and especially during covid as well. Why people seem to need to be right next to other I don't know. You weren't rude at all just honest and I would have been furious at my dh had he apologised without my knowledge on my behalf for something I wasn't even sorry for in the first place.

Yesterdayforgotten · 31/08/2020 14:52

others *

perfumeistooexpensive · 31/08/2020 14:52

I think I'd have said that's it's ok, but I do have a very bad cough so I hope you don't mind me coughing near you.

KatherineJaneway · 31/08/2020 14:52

I don't understand people who do this. Everywhere else is empty but they have to be next to you.

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/08/2020 14:53

@OhTheRoses

Are you ok saying *@CuriousaboutSamphire* that it's OK for women to speak to others as though they are of no consequence and not be called out on it. The op told the chap to sit 150 feet from her on a public beach. Probably the family were going to pitch up at least several feet away.

Telling someone you're not happy with what they're proposing to do (after they've asked) is not treating them as if they're of no consequence. That's a really bizarre take on it, actually

Howallergic · 31/08/2020 14:54

I'd have done what you did, or, said something like 'oh, there's a good spot over there and we'll be socially distant' with a big smile OR been a pushover and said 'sure, go ahead' like a complete pushover. Depends on the day.

Wouldn't give him a second thought. Would tell your DH not to fucking apologise on your behalf in future though.

Shamoo · 31/08/2020 14:54

I would be furious with your husband too. Totally undermined you and made it look like he can speak for you. Even if he meant well, it’s a dick move and I would be so angry with him.

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/08/2020 14:54

The apologising on your behalf is unforgivable, op. I couldn't get past someone doing that.

SunshineSuper · 31/08/2020 14:55

We're in a tourist area. We've gone straight from strictly enforced local lock down to full on holiday season with barely anytime between .
I get everyone needs a holiday, ice cream sales, etc but honestly I can't wait till all the entitled tourists fuck off home. Your cars are not so precious you can't move into the hedge and your kids do not need to be bored in the supermarket because it's raining and you're killing time.
It's bank holiday, glorious weather and we're hiding at home.

itsgettingweird · 31/08/2020 14:55

Well why would they set up on your laps in the first place?

He clearly knew it was too close or he wouldn't have asked.

I've never had to ask someone if I'm too close in a park or beach or whatever. Because I know what's too close and know it's not ok.

Your DH shouldn't have apologised on your behalf. Is he usually to undermining of your opinion?

GreyGardens88 · 31/08/2020 14:55

@KatherineJaneway

I don't understand people who do this. Everywhere else is empty but they have to be next to you.

I was sat in a park the other day, early morning weekday so very quiet, acres of empty green space around me. Just wanted some peace and quiet. This couple comes along and sit down on the grass 2 metres away from me and starting to talk loudly and play games

OhTheRoses · 31/08/2020 14:56

But it is public land. The OP has no rights to any part of it and therefore no rights to tell someone else not to use a part of it even if they did ask. I think the op was exceptionally rude but accept I am outnumbered.

TorgosPizza · 31/08/2020 14:57

I think he started the "rudeness" ball rolling by attempting to sit next to you when there was plenty of room for them elsewhere. It's much ruder to unnecessarily intrude on other people than to give an honest answer that no, they're not particularly welcome to practically sit in your lap.

If you'd wanted to sit next to strangers, why would you have gone to an empty spot?! I'd be annoyed at your husband, too. Stupid of him to apologise when all you did was tell the obvious truth!

itsgettingweird · 31/08/2020 15:03

@Mammabear23

Personally I don't think ywbu We had similar on a beach. A massive group of 3 merged families could've picked anywhere more than 2 metres away (5 even in all directions) from us yet set up directly in front of us, spoiling our view and invading 'our' space. Heard the lead mutter it was almost 2 metres before they erected their wall of wind breaks

I wish I'd said something.

I had this in the summer.

We live near beach. Very quiet beach generally and used locally for kite surfers and paddle boarders but obviously busier this year.

Ds and I went at 8am one day to paddle board and take advantage of the flat sea. Took stuff to do breakfast there as many do. Set up beach tent, windbreak and chairs etc.

Beach for fairly busy and then about an hour in a family turned up (not local) and piled onto beach muttering about how there was no where to park and how busy it was.

Now, If they had asked I'd have pointed out about 200-300m along its much quieter as between 2 car parks.

Instead they have me evils as a warning and set their windbreak up right in front of us about 2 m away. Then all their towels and blankets and picnic etc etc. They even moved my paddle board that was right in front of us to do it.

Every now and again they've give me a warning look daring me to say something as their kids ran around the windbreak and over our space.

Good thing is I'm a tolerant woman. I could put up with it for the 2 hours it took for the tide to teach them a lesson on my behalf - it comes in fast here

topcat2014 · 31/08/2020 15:05

How close were they? On a beach yesterday and we were about 6 feet away from neighbours which felt fine.

AryaStarkWolf · 31/08/2020 15:06

he wanted to sit on the bench with you? Surely that is against the Covid social distancing rules anyway? (or have I misread this?)

MintyChops · 31/08/2020 15:06

You were not rude. He can ask, you can answer. Why bloody ask otherwise? Very dickish behavior from your husband by the way. I’d be having a word.

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