I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

[Dorobie]

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

You weren’t rude.

I find it so weird when total strangers do this be it on the beach, in the cinema, in a park.

Personal fecking space please 😂

You were not rude at all! He was rude and your husband was ridiculous.
I voted YABU because I thought you were unreasonable to think you were rude. But judging by others’ posts I should have voted YANBU.

Honestly OP, people can sit where they want to sit, you may not like where they sit but you've no right to judge. You did the right thing for you, which was to move.
And as for as it is I have 'the dread’ on top of having just spent 7 weeks with my 6 and 10 yr olds with no break - how on earth can you complain about a 7-week holiday?! I've had the past 5 MONTHS with my DC PLUS working full-time (evenings & weekends), with no break. You're being really precious and frankly pathetic.

@The80sweregreat

It's off topic , but the whole ' tourists are thick ' thing winds me up no end!

If all the tourists stayed away for good then many more places would shut down yet because people want to holiday in nice areas and use the facilities they are seen as a 'pita ' and invading the locals and the areas they like to go to as well!
I can see both sides of the arguments, but some people shouldn't live in tourist areas if they don't want this lifestyle during peak seasons. I'm not moaning about the ones that have lived there all their lives but people move out to these villages or the coast then start whinging. If they don't want ' second home owners' then don't sell your property to them for a profit no doubt.
Many business also rely on the holiday makers : if this hostility continues people might stay away for good.
You cant have it both ways unfortunately!
(This isn't me having a go at the op by the way , but just moaning minnies generally about ' the tourists' or whatever)

As someone who lives in an area with high tourism, it isn't as much the tourists we locals hate, it is the disrespect for the people who live here, the mess they leave behind and the damage they do. I used to be a nice, please everybody kind of person, but with working in a shop, serving the tourist throughout lockdown (most of whom shouldn't even have been here) I am no longer like that.

Nope, I'd say you were completely in the right. The guy was an idiot to ask, knowing he was wrong, but then arguing with your answer.

I voted YANBU - you were a little bit rude, but so what? He asked a question and you answered it honestly.

When you ask a question be prepared you might not like the answer.

You were not rude, you were completely honest and have a straight answer to a straight question. When I was younger I couldn't say boo to a goose, but post menopause I have no problem asserting myself. In a virtually empty cinema before lock down and a couple arrived just before the film began. Younger me would have quietly seethed, older me said "Seriously?" They moved. I often reject the table offered to me in a restaurant if I see a better one free, the same goes for hotel rooms. There are few advantages to being an older woman, but learning to assert your wants is definitely one of them.

You weren't rude, you were honest.

He knew he was pushing the boundaries or he wouldn't have said anything, but he expected you just to 'be nice' and cave in. He is the rude one.

Even if you asked him to move pretty please with cherries on top, he would still have set up there. Simple dominance. Agree your DH was a wimpy twat sadly.

I hate crowders. Selfish twats.

You forgot yourself for a minute and committed a serious breach of the unspoken code, antagonising another and causing your husband such discomfort that he took immediate steps to apologise surreptitiously. I hope you have made amends to him, repeating mea culpa several times, if not writing it out a hundred times. Next time be prepared with something more acceptable than a curt and unaccommodating Yes, e.g. you suffer from sudden uncontrollable impulses and it would be dangerous to linger...

@museumum

I totally agree with the sentiment of what you said/did but I would probably have gone for the more diplomatic “oh but there’s another bench over there you can have more space”

...which is exactly what OP said if you read another sentence.

You weren't rude OP. At all.

I don’t think you were rude at all. In fact I think you were a bit of a hero!

why ask if he didn't think it was maybe a bit close?
if it was close enough to ask in an open area, it was too close.
why ask if he didn't want an honest answer?
entitled twat.
I'd have been tempted to stay put and be antisocial - THAT's passive aggressive

If you're British you can't say NO when someone asks you

It's convoluted British social etiquette

You can ONLY say 'of course' and then move because you pretend you see someone you know in the distance/you need a shit in a toilet further up/you've gone to buy an ice cream

in Britain if someone asks you anything it's not a real fucking question, it's just an opportunity for YOU to be polite

Thanks everyone. Feeling better about my decision now.

FWIW I’m not pathetic for having end of holidays dread... surely everyone gets this!!

@Abitofalark

You forgot yourself for a minute and committed a serious breach of the unspoken code, antagonising another and causing your husband such discomfort that he took immediate steps to apologise surreptitiously. I hope you have made amends to him, repeating mea culpa several times, if not writing it out a hundred times. Next time be prepared with something more acceptable than a curt and unaccommodating Yes, e.g. you suffer from sudden uncontrollable impulses and it would be dangerous to linger...

This... with bells on! Thanks!

Oh there's definitely some odd and irritating law of attraction with all this.

The number of times I've been hemmed in in an otherwise empty car park. We live near the sea and the space invasion happens all the time on the beach. Or when you're looking at something in a shop and someone else wants to look at the exact same thing.

I think you just spoke the truth. I do now and again. It's quite liberating

Aw. Would go with you went a bit teacherish, but not in a bad way.

On the whole I think all of us ideally should factor in that we are in some way under extra stress.

Especially teachers a couple of days before school start.

Me too. I try to manage it but don't always suceed.

I find it better to factor it in.

You didn't need the stress, all you wanted was a day at the beach eh.

Yes you were rude, but you were not unreasonable to not want them so close.

I’m with the 14% thinking you unreasonable

If it was me I'd have said "yes that's fine" then spent the day kicking myself for not saying what you did.

Went through a phase like this and wondered why I was being a bit rude to people. Then I realised that the people I was being rude to were men, and that as a woman in her 40s I was finally starting to challenge men and their assumptions that the world would bend over backwards to accommodate them. My DH found this embarrassing but I explained to him that these men wouldn’t have invaded his space because he’s a man, and a physically imposing one at that. He got it.

If you'd come on with the viewpoint that you weren't being rude, everyone would tell you that you were. Got to love MN! 😂