I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

[Dorobie]

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

I think you were right to say no and to move when he set up anyway. This sort of thing drives me mad. It sounds like there is loads of space but for some reason he wants to sit in yours.

I applaud your assertiveness - like others on this thread I have also discovered the joy of giving no fucks as I’ve hit my forties. It’s very empowering.

But it makes me a little bit sad to think how excited my dc are about going back to school, counting down the days to seeing their friends and teachers again, to think that you could be their teacher and that you are dreading seeing them.

You weren't rude at all Op & I'd still be ripping into my DH if he apologised to someone on my behalf! How dare he treat you in such a disrespectful manner.

Hey OP - I think you're fine! I'm not very confrontational but equally I like things to be straightforward. So I get why you night feel a bit surprised at your own reaction but he did ask the question and you gave a simple and honest answer. Why ask if he didn't think there might be an issue? And in moving you at least put an end to the debate. Nothing to feel bad about - please ignore DH.

You were fine. You weren't unreasonable

I don’t think you were rude at all. In these unprecedented times I think he was an arse to even consider it let alone ask you

Full moon

Aridane
I think OP’s DH called it right

^ Must be the OP's DH

You walked 45 mins to a quiet spot and another family wanted to sit next to you when there was another bench 50m away and you had to move.

This would make me so cross, why do people do this and it was obvious that they knew they were intruding otherwise why would he have needed to ask.

What is more outrageous though is your DH apologising behind your back for your behaviour. WTAF! He should have supported you and perhaps intervened with ‘well we really enjoy our privacy hence choosing this spot and so would really appreciate it if you could choose a different spot and there is another bench over there.’

@CalmdownJanet

Dh apologising for me would piss me off do much!!

I don't think you were being unreasonable or rude at all

Agree. The DH apology behind my back would enrage me.

CFs were rude and intrusive, esp in Covid time. You were not rude in the slightest.

I'd probably have said "I'd prefer if you gave us a bit of space."

He asked a question and you answered it honestly.

If he doesn’t like the answer that’s his problem!

I’d have probably said something similar. (Although frankly my DP is far more blunt than me, so really it’s a blessing to a person if I answer, because I’m more restrained than him ).

People who have no concept of personal space and want to practically be on top of you, when there’s plenty of space for them to be elsewhere, wind me up big time.

So not rude...I would have been far more assertive." Yes I do.mind ... It's a massive beach and there really is no reason to sit right on top of us...." And your DH was incredibly rude to you...

It really depends how close they were trying to set up. Just saying "not really" instead of saying "actually would you mind just sitting a bit further away/another 2m away" was really a bit passive aggressive but what's done is done now. Telling them to go another 50m is unreasonable! You can't claim an area 100m in diameter in a public space.

I'd be more annoyed about the muttering you've said you do - DH does that (not as much now) and it's unbearably rude.

Tbf, you didn’t have to set up quite so close to the entrance to the water.

Why shouldn’t they? That’s like not taking the best table in a restaurant in case someone else might want it.

You get there first, you get to pick where you sit.

Your husband should've had your back, you weren't being rude or entitled, you were trying to social distance for the safety of your family! I live in Newquay and it's hellish right now, holiday makers are so entitled, no one has a thought for personal space/distancing and its unbearable and unsafe. It's made me snappy and aggressive and I too am normally a happy friendly person. YANBU, it's the situation you're in.

It really depends how close they were trying to set up
Does it, though? He obviously thought himself that it was borderline if he asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t have had to balls to do that personally but I don’t think you were in the wrong! I wish I could bd more like that.

Perhaps you were blunt, but he asked and why hide in shame or annoyance, when you can say something. It was rude of him to sit so close when there are other spaces and covid still looming. I love that you found your voice and stood up for what you wanted instead of not standing by and then resenting. It will be worth watching your husband's reactions to your saying what you need or want. We are all taught to be so kind and gentle. Use your voice and be proud of it.

@VenusClapTrap

I applaud your assertiveness - like others on this thread I have also discovered the joy of giving no fucks as I’ve hit my forties. It’s very empowering.

But it makes me a little bit sad to think how excited my dc are about going back to school, counting down the days to seeing their friends and teachers again, to think that you could be their teacher and that you are dreading seeing them.

I’m certainly not dreading seeing the kids... I work in an SEN school and many of the kids need to be in school to feel safe and loved. I have been worried for many of them over the summer and I hope all is well when they come in.

I dread the paperwork, early starts, getting my own kids sorted, ironing clothes, difficult members of staff, making packed lunches, sitting in traffic etc etc.

Don’t think your OH should have gone over and apologise on your behalf..that’s up to you not him! I’d be livid at his interference.

Menopause

I don't understand how packing up and moving to a different spot is PA. He'd indicated with his twatty 'do you own the park?' that his intention was to go ahead anyway, and who wants their lunch encroached upon by a stranger? I would have moved too.

Can I ask you, @OhTheRoses, would you think it reasonable to plonk yourself down and get on with your lunch in close proximity to ransoms who were there first? If so, I'm not sure you're a reliable arbiter of what is and isn't rude.

Ransoms!