I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

[Dorobie]

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

The question 'do you own the park?' is ruder than responding in the negative to his initial approach - however 'blunt' you were. Asking a question is not a guarantee of getting the response you're looking for. Otherwise, why trouble to ask? Might as well have gone ahead and done what he wanted in the first place.

Your husband had no right to apologise for your behaviour and I would be furious. Sounds like another case of men's entitlement to be rude while women should budge over, agree to everything they ask and be quiet.

Fuck that noise.

Exactly this ^^

How dare your husband apologise for you? I would be furious. The man was rude, not you.

Please don’t feel like you have to justify the way you behaved or make excuses for it, you were perfectly reasonable.

They shouldn't have asked if they didn't want an honest answer. I'd be fuming at DH if he went and apologised on my behalf.

We had similar on Saturday, a new bar opened up in town, we were sat outside under a gazebo and the man at the table next to us waited until DH got up to go the toilet and asked me if I'd mind if they smoked. I smiled and said "I'd rather you didn't, thanks". He and his partner spent the next 20 minutes glaring over and making loud pointed comments and eventually got up to move to a different table that wasn't under the gazebo. Even DH who didn't have a clue what was going on asked me had something happened and what was their problem.

He wasn't being polite to ask, because he didn't accept the answer. He wanted the feeling of having been polite, which you made backfire on him.

You did good OP.
I think you're growing out of 'nice and accomodating' and into 'assertive and takes no shit'.
Healthier. Keep at it.

I wouldn’t say you were rude OP. You gave a direct answer. It just so happened that it wasn’t the answer that the man was expecting, as he wasn’t really asking, he was stating the intention to park themselves next to you and only “asked” to maintain the veneer of “politeness”.

^^This. It's a bit like "Do you mind if I smoke?"

If you reply "yes" you're looked upon as if you're in the wrong for objecting!

How rude of your husband to apologise on your behalf, I'd be furious!

I don't think you were rude at all. It was actually very nice of you to move when they could have easily gone to the next bench. It was rude of them not to tell you not to move and that they would go on to the next bench instead. I would also be furious at DH for apologising when you didn't do anything wrong.

I don't think you were being unreasonable and I would have done similar. I'd have been beyond angry if DH apologized on my behalf! That would have upset me.

Bet your dh would offer up your drive also...
Seriously I would have asked if he had a mask....
No? Move away then!

I don't think you were rude. If you had said that to me I would think 'Hmmm fair enough, I did ask!' 😂

Lol . Well he did ask . If I was him I’d have just said ok and moved on .

Does your DH often enjoy showing you up? He was staring at you in disbelief at daring to tell a man no more like

I don't think YABU at all

I totally agree with the sentiment of what you said/did but I would probably have gone for the more diplomatic “oh but there’s another bench over there you can have more space”

YWNBU , he asked and you answered . Like pp I’d be more cross with your husband for apologising on your behalf .

You were not rude they were. Why did he even ask if he was going to sit down anyway. Theres abloody pandemic ffs. If it happens AGAIN DO NOT MOVE. You husbands a dick for belittling you you did nothing wrong if that's your worst I'm a monster. Your obviously a right pushover usually if you think you did wrong, woman up.

I would have been ruder OP for the mans stupidity defo dont feel bad

Going against the grain here. He was polite to ask but as it is a public space you had absolutely no right whatsoever to object. Also what has being a teacher to do with it? I am stressed by having work tomorrow and I haven't just had six weeks off. I'm afraid op, I can hear the teacher tone ringing in my ears and had he known you were a teacher I'm quite he'd probably have said "don't speak to me in that tone, I am not 8" presumably your DH heard the tone and that's why he apologised. MIL has had so many tradesmen refuse to do repeat work because of this.

IMO this is very typical situation. Man asks woman something and expects the answer to automatically be 'yes' and then gets arsey when the answer is basically 'no'. Women should be nice and kind and say yes to everything, didn't you know that OP? Your DH then followed this everyday sexism by not backing you up.

Lets face it I doubt very much a woman would ask to come and sit right next to you, they would move on and find a space.

@giletrouge

You did good OP. I think you're growing out of 'nice and accomodating' and into 'assertive and takes no shit'. Healthier. Keep at it.

I second this! Men are always shocked when you no longer accommodate their expectations.

Not rude. Your DH is a twat.

Don't feel bad OP, I'd have said similar to you. I don't think my DH would have been as unsupportive as yours, but he's also got more natural diplomacy than me so it's possible. You just said what you saw 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would have phrased it differently, similar to what @museumum has suggested.

But sometimes things just come out wrong unexpectedly...my friends have pulled me up when I was oblivious to something they thought sounded pretty short and I was glad they pointed it out.

Your OH, well that's a tricky one. You seem to think that you were out of character in how you phrased the rebuff, your OH seems to agree with you. I wouldn't get too worked up. If he was habitually apologising for everything you said and you were entirely happy with how you were saying things, well that would be more problematic.

He was polite to ask but as it is a public space you had absolutely no right whatsoever to object.

What is the point of asking if the answer can't be no?

Obviously in a public space he could do this but that doesn't mean you have to agree to him doing it.

Your DH shouldn't have apologized on your behalf either.

ohtheroses that way lies madness. Think it through.

So much female socialisation there!

He was an ignorant buffoon. His response clearly demonstrates he was not expecting a "no" answer, (so it wasn't really a question at all) and was a dick when he got one.
Your dh also needs to give his head a wobble