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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

228 replies

Dorobie · 31/08/2020 13:51

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

OP posts:
ginghamtablecloths · 31/08/2020 16:13

You weren't BU to say no. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if he turned out to be a parent of one of your pupils? I guess that's probably not the case unless he left that child at home. Covid or not, social distancing could be your excuse, not that you really need one.

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:16

The access to the water was around 3 metres... the next access was around a 20 metre walk and it had a similar space to get in.

We had walked around 45 mins to get to that spot. Obviously he had too. So I can see his predicament when he gets there and sees it’s taken.

We were closest to the water, about a metre away and slightly off to the left with a picnic blanket. He wanted to set up around 2 metres away behind us and slightly to the right.

He could have easily set up further away and still used that area as a get in. OR just gone 20 metres up, where we ended up going.

I was pissed mainly because we’d made that effort to get away from people, then literally 2 mins in to sitting down he turns up!!

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 31/08/2020 16:20

He didn't need to sit there.

He knew that.

Hence asking!

I don't get why he would want to sit on your laps when there was plenty of other space tbh!

My guess is he knew his actions would make you move when he tested the water by asking the question.

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:20

@itsgettingweird

Well why would they set up on your laps in the first place?

He clearly knew it was too close or he wouldn't have asked.

I've never had to ask someone if I'm too close in a park or beach or whatever. Because I know what's too close and know it's not ok.

Your DH shouldn't have apologised on your behalf. Is he usually to undermining of your opinion?

That’s a really good point! Something I’d like to bring up with DH as the moment is still playing on my mind... but we’ve not spoken about it since he apologised and I don’t want to bring it up!... I will use this if he does though.
OP posts:
SmellsLikeFeet · 31/08/2020 16:23

Oh God, its my pet hate
He was relying on you being polite
Doubt he'll do it again

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/08/2020 16:24

but we’ve not spoken about it since he apologised and I don’t want to bring it up!... I will use this if he does though.
Hmm. Why?

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:24

@The80sweregreat

It's off topic , but the whole ' tourists are thick ' thing winds me up no end!

If all the tourists stayed away for good then many more places would shut down yet because people want to holiday in nice areas and use the facilities they are seen as a 'pita ' and invading the locals and the areas they like to go to as well!
I can see both sides of the arguments, but some people shouldn't live in tourist areas if they don't want this lifestyle during peak seasons. I'm not moaning about the ones that have lived there all their lives but people move out to these villages or the coast then start whinging. If they don't want ' second home owners' then don't sell your property to them for a profit no doubt.
Many business also rely on the holiday makers : if this hostility continues people might stay away for good.
You cant have it both ways unfortunately!
(This isn't me having a go at the op by the way , but just moaning minnies generally about ' the tourists' or whatever)

I agree with you, I quite like the tourists. I moved here because of the things that many of the tourists come for. So I can’t complain.

But the benefit of being local is knowing the quiet spots! This was one of them... it was likely the guy was local too and pissed off that I’d found his spot.

OP posts:
Tomatoesneedtoripen · 31/08/2020 16:26

i was also rude yesterday to a couple of non masking wearing men, I accused them of being special.
Blush

special? because I'm not wearing a mask, was one of the retorts!
i ignored

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:27

@Serin

Yes you were a bit rude but I cant criticise you as I am becoming more and more aggressive. I was blaming the menopause then I saw a Chris Packham programme about the toxoplasmosis parasite making rats lose all fear and I even considered that I could have something similar. Blush I used to be sweetness itself but after working through Covid on the NHS frontline I'm like "ok fuck face just try it" . Is this the cotswolds by the way? As I've seen videos of swamped villages today.
No, much further North.

Interesting theory you have there... The main reason for posting this thread was because I did kind of shock myself, there was a time when I would never have said anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:29

@TheVanguardSix

I absolutely cannot stand it when there are a million miles of seclusion and some toolbox of a person decides to camp out RIGHT next to me. Or the bus is empty and Bozo has to sit right next to me (in pre-COVID times). You were honest/direct. I'd have totally said the same thing. I am like you. On a day where I'm feeling tense and just need space, I am actually more direct and honest with people in this type of case. It's a good thing! I wish I wasn't such a polite pushover the rest of the time. The guy was rude to pitch up next to you when he really could have given you some mental and physical space. I never understand people like this, especially nowadays where 'personal space' is more than just an idea, it's a way of life. Your DH... well, he was just smoothing things over, I guess. I'd have to just let that one slide. But still... actually thinking about it, if my DH did the same thing, it would turn up the heat on my piss already on the boil.
This 100%... I think if it was at the beginning of the hols. Or even next weekend I wouldn’t have even batted an eyelid. But as it is I have the dread’ on top of having just spent 7 weeks with my 6 and 10 yr olds with no break 😬
OP posts:
cologne4711 · 31/08/2020 16:31

I don't think there's anything wrong with you OP. If you have a massive park with plenty of space, why would anyone come and sit right next to you at the best of times?

But now isn't the best of times and you give people space.

Ok he asked, but why did he want to sit so close anyway?

AtseneGatnalp · 31/08/2020 16:33

I don't think there's anything sexist about it.

However, I think you did the right thing, OP. I'd have apologised profusely for already having been there, and would have tried to make my family squeeze together more tightly so as to make room for the invader. Confused

I am such a complete pushover in those situations, and it would be better to do as you did. I thought you were going to say you swore at him or something!

Original poster
Dorobie · 31/08/2020 16:34

@Thisismytimetoshine

but we’ve not spoken about it since he apologised and I don’t want to bring it up!... I will use this if he does though. Hmm. Why?
The time’s passed now and it feels petty to reignite.
OP posts:
PamDemic · 31/08/2020 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasGinYard · 31/08/2020 16:38

I get it Op

I parked on a deserted car park the other day, it was really early.

Some idiot parked so close I could barely open my door.

I looked at her as if WTFHmm

squashyhat · 31/08/2020 16:39

I am truly gobsmacked that both you and many others think you were rude and seem unable to bear any sort of confrontation. He started it! He asked, you answered, he got huffy. So what?

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 31/08/2020 16:43

On the flip side, I would certainly not set up 2m away from another group in this scenario, even pre-Covid. You may not have been polite, but I’m not sure why you should be polite to someone who would do this.

BetsyJameson · 31/08/2020 16:49

Good for you, I don’t think you were rude at all, he asked and you replied! Just not with the answer he was expecting 😂

backinthebox · 31/08/2020 16:50

I don’t think anyone who wants a bit of personal space in an uncrowned area is wrong. Covid means we all want to keep ourselves to ourselves. Someone who has to ask if they can set up right beside you knows it is too close.

I was on a beach last month. It was not a busy beach but the weather was very hot and it was the middle of the day. My family had 2 shade umbrellas with our things beneath them. I was stunned when a young woman on her own asked if she could come and sit under our umbrellas with us as she had no shade and did not wish to sit in the full sun! I tried very hard not to be blunt - I just said ‘err, no! Coronavirus!’

Carouselfish · 31/08/2020 16:51

You're fine. Your DH on the other hand apologising on your behalf as if you're incompetent is awful.

Blondiney · 31/08/2020 16:54

I would've reacted the same as you, I am a rude bitch though. Perimenopause is making me worse as I simply have zero fucks left.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 31/08/2020 16:55

Don’t ask the question then! You weren’t rude but were blunt. Quite right!

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 31/08/2020 16:58

Like in a cinema that's virtually empty and a family plonk in the seats directly in front of you.. Flock mentality...

Stargirl89 · 31/08/2020 17:01

I don't think you were rude. He shouldn't have asked the question....

Straycatstrut · 31/08/2020 17:01

Nah. Even pre-covid, I'm very introvert and private and if I get to a spot first if I don't want people near me it's a matter of respect and politeness. Others would LOVE the company (or having people to show off in front of) and that's fine too.

Yes you don't "own" it but usually it's the "first come first served" rule isn't it? If I was you I wouldn't have dared tell him "no" and would have sat it out a few awkward mins, and then made up a very loud excuse like "OOooo it looks good over there!!" and moved into a more private space.