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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For considering forward facing a two year old...

287 replies

RowboatsinDisguise · 31/08/2020 13:50

I recently took DS’s ERF car seat out and gave the covers a good scrub and rinse as with potty training (wee only!) and general life debris they were utterly rank. In the meantime we’ve been using a spare group 1 FF seat. I much prefer it! It’s about a million times easier to strap him in (being heavily pregnant this is a massive factor), he’s happier chatting to me and seeing what’s going on, if he starts shouting I can work out why pretty much immediately... it’s just so much more pleasant for both of us!

Is it really so awful to want to keep him FF? I know why ERF is recommended. I’ve seen the crash tests. I know the stats. But I also know that the overall likelihood of being in a crash remains low and that forwards facing seats do still provide protection. I just don’t know what to do now!

OP posts:
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6
Millie2013 · 31/08/2020 16:19

I intended to RF DD for as long as possible, but it made her travel sick and miserable, even on short journeys, so we ended up FF her from about 20 months

RedRumTheHorse · 31/08/2020 16:22

@Toddlerteaplease

I've never ever seen a rear facing toddler!
Then you haven't looked in people's cars with car seats and are also bad at guessing toddlers ages.

My nearly 2 year old is rear facing.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 31/08/2020 16:22

FF in a harness is dangerous

No. Its not. Its marginally less safe than a rear facing seat.

Car travel in the uk is largely quite safe. We have low rates of car accidents. The chance that you ff your 2 yr old will result in serious injury or death is negligible.

CasaLuna · 31/08/2020 16:22

I love these discussions on Mumsnet because I don’t have children yet but do plan to in the future and it’s really interesting to read all your different thoughts and opinions. Don’t know anything about car seats but they look quite uncomfortable for the 5-6 year olds on google images!

EasterIssland · 31/08/2020 16:25

@CasaLuna

I love these discussions on Mumsnet because I don’t have children yet but do plan to in the future and it’s really interesting to read all your different thoughts and opinions. Don’t know anything about car seats but they look quite uncomfortable for the 5-6 year olds on google images!
Up to the age of 4 their head is heavier than the rest of their body. In an event of a nasty accident the head would move forward so hard it could break their neck completely and die.

It might not be the nicest / comfiest looking but I know I prefer my son rf if we have an accident

Btw he’s got a mirror. I can check on him he can check on me.

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 31/08/2020 16:26

DS is almost 3 and RF, a friends almost 5yr old is still RF but most of our friends FF. It makes me sad as its just not as safe, DS went through a long long phase of in car screaming but has come out the other side now.

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 31/08/2020 16:27

@noidontwatchloveisland RF is 5 times safer

peachgreen · 31/08/2020 16:29

I spent a fortune on a ERF seat and DD promptly started puking in the car when RF as soon as she turned 2. Moved her to FF in desperation and she's been fine ever since. Yes, in an ideal world I'd have kept her RF and I certainly planned on it. But it just wasn't possible.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 31/08/2020 16:30

Its 5 times safer than something that is an already tiny risk. Public transport is also much safer but I dont see any of you giving up your cars.

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 31/08/2020 16:30

We've just turned our 2 1/2 year old to ff. He was kicking his brothers in the face, or shouting at us constantly and the distraction was becoming dangerous. He's much happier now which means I'm not distracted whilst driving by 3 crying children. If he hadn't started to do this, then inwould have kept him rf as long as possible.

I think everyone will tell you not to, but you need to weigh up the pros and cons and do what will be safest for you. If its purely because its getting difficult would it be possible to get a car seat that swivels?

bookmum08 · 31/08/2020 16:38

I am another one who has never actually seen one of these rear facing seats actually being used. On Mumsnet world it almost seems like everyone uses them but in actual real world I have yet to see one use.

nanbread · 31/08/2020 16:38

My 4.5yo is in an RF seat. It is a pain, I give you that.

MrsWooster · 31/08/2020 16:40

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Its 5 times safer than something that is an already tiny risk. Public transport is also much safer but I dont see any of you giving up your cars.
This
Sailingblue · 31/08/2020 16:43

I have a 4 year old still rear facing and a 1 year old that will be rear facing for a long time. I’d say we are now more unusual at 4 but by no means the only people I know. For me, the safety benefits were compelling. My child was also 91st centile for height and an an extended ERF seat to 25kg was much safer than putting her in a highback booster at 3 When she grew out of the 18kg seats. It will become her choice now to a certain extent when we switch to a HBB.

For children that get on with rear facing, in not sure why you’d turn them. For vomity or screaming children then it’s sensible to way up the relative risks.

alphabetsoup1980 · 31/08/2020 16:44

My daughter 13 months is in a forward facing maxi cosi pearl and in a familyfix iso fix Base!! It's completely safe xx

MuchTooTired · 31/08/2020 16:45

My DTs have been FF since they both reached 15kg, although they’re 2.5 now. They’d got too big for rear facing, I have a massive 4x4 (yes, I’m one of those assholes) and I was happy with the decision. Thinking about my friend’s kids, they’re all FF too.

To each their own I think!

sqirrelfriends · 31/08/2020 16:47

Tbh OP, most people in real life don't rear face at all in toddlerhood. It's up to you but if you've done your research you'll know that it's safer to carry on.

EasterIssland · 31/08/2020 16:47

@alphabetsoup1980

My daughter 13 months is in a forward facing maxi cosi pearl and in a familyfix iso fix Base!! It's completely safe xx
Define completely safe please because I don’t think there is an option in event of an accident that would be completely safe
G5000 · 31/08/2020 16:49

My DTs have been FF since they both reached 15kg /../. They’d got too big for rear facing

15 kilos is not too big to rear face.

PossiblePoodleParent · 31/08/2020 16:51

Just a thought, but did you know it's actually very safe to have them in a rearfacing seat IN THE FRONT PASSENGER SEAT as long as you can deactivate the airbag? Safer RF in the front, than FF in the back, I believe. My DD was rearfacing in a harness (Britax Two Way Elite) until she was four, at which point we started letting her use a high back booster sometimes ('training'!) but kept her in the RF seat for longer journeys and motorway journeys.

It was a fantastic solution for us; she was super happy sitting right next to me and I could chat with her and soothe her. She was very comfortable in the seat itself, and didn't fully give it up until she was six. She's nearly 10 now and rides mostly in a high back booster still, occasionally being allowed to ride on a backless one in the rear seat if it's a short journey and no motorway.

Second the suggestion to fix a tablet or something to the headrest and let them while away the journey watching Peppa Pig! That got us through some tough times, I can tell you. Grin

At the end of the day it's your decision and you can of course FF from 15 months now (I think). Which is at least better than when DD was small and you could put them FF at just 9kg, regardless of how young they were. But I have always insisted on more safety rather than less in the car; I'd never forgive myself if something happened and she was badly hurt or worse because I'd put her in a less-than-ideal car seat.

Sailingblue · 31/08/2020 16:51

I’d also like to see the stats on ‘most people don’t’ because it must be more and more common. Most of the car seat manufacturers will now openly say that rear facing is safer eg this from Joie uk.joiebaby.com/lookbacklonger.uk/

GwendolineMarysLaces · 31/08/2020 16:52

@tiredanddangerous

Rear facing is another one of those things that only happens on mumsnet. In the real world I don't know anyone who rear faces a 2 year old.
Agree.
Tfoot75 · 31/08/2020 16:52

My 7yo is only just over 25kg - she's a few cm from being tall enough not to need a car seat at all. (she's ff since about 12 months as was the norm at that time)

Another one here who doesn't know anyone who rf after about 18 months.

OP I believe it's a mostly theoretical risk - I'm not aware that there have been any cases of internal decapitation (which is what a rf seat protects against) in this country while in a legal car seat. It is a crash test scenario that in reality has a 1 in several million chance of happening.

Babs709 · 31/08/2020 16:54

I’ve never known anyone keep their child RF past about 15 months. This is all news to me! DS is 14 months and needs a new seat so I’m going to do some research. But could someone in the know perhaps link to any decent information? Others here seem to be quite knowledgeable.

Cyw2018 · 31/08/2020 16:54

My DD is 2.5 and rear facing and will be until she is 18kg (she is currently 12.5kg so a while to then).

I'm a paramedic and the only child rtc fatality I've been involved with was a toddler in a forward facing seat, how much, this contributed to the death I don't know as it was a horrific accident, but the poor thing didn't stand a chance.

I may also invest in a longer rear facing seat (axkid) when she grows out of the rear facing limit of her Joie every stage, just for my own mental health as there are some things I can't unsee Sad