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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For considering forward facing a two year old...

287 replies

RowboatsinDisguise · 31/08/2020 13:50

I recently took DS’s ERF car seat out and gave the covers a good scrub and rinse as with potty training (wee only!) and general life debris they were utterly rank. In the meantime we’ve been using a spare group 1 FF seat. I much prefer it! It’s about a million times easier to strap him in (being heavily pregnant this is a massive factor), he’s happier chatting to me and seeing what’s going on, if he starts shouting I can work out why pretty much immediately... it’s just so much more pleasant for both of us!

Is it really so awful to want to keep him FF? I know why ERF is recommended. I’ve seen the crash tests. I know the stats. But I also know that the overall likelihood of being in a crash remains low and that forwards facing seats do still provide protection. I just don’t know what to do now!

OP posts:
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KitMarlowesCodpieceOfthigh · 31/08/2020 15:11

Our 18MO is rear-facing in a Joie 360 spin. It's so easy to get her into and out of and I like the fact that it keeps her RF because of the safety thing. However, we're lucky because she's a very happy traveller and is fine RF. If she wasn't, we'd probably have forward-faced her!

SchnitzelVon · 31/08/2020 15:13

@tiredanddangerous currently driving down the M74 (as a passenger) with my 2 year old rear facing in a Cybex Sirona, most of my Mum friends with kids same age as my DC have the same seat and my best friend’s 3 yo currently still in his....we are 100% real Grin

FlyingPandas · 31/08/2020 15:14

It is like everything else in life OP, you need to weigh up the risks and benefits. The safety evidence for rear facing in the event of a crash may well be overwhelmingly strong, but as a PP said a lot of children hate rear facing so much that they scream blue murder, thus distracting their parent to a dangerous degree and making it far more likely that they're going to be in a crash anyway. In that situation you have to weigh up the pros and cons.

You have to do what feels right for you. But be aware that MN is particularly obsessed with rear facing car seats, so you will get told YABU for considering forward facing at all. In real life, though, hardly anyone seems to use rear facing once DC are over a year old.

Lazypuppy · 31/08/2020 15:15

We have just turned my 2.5yo ff.

Yes rf is still safer, but you just have to make your own risk assessment. Also, you may really struglle to rf him now he has been ff.

I always planned once we turned her round that was it, we couldn'r go back

LST · 31/08/2020 15:15

Mine both FF from about 1 1 and a half ish. Never even heard about RF til mumsnet.

nevermorelenore · 31/08/2020 15:16

My 2 year old is RF and it's a faff, and yes, she would probably be much happier in FF. But having read the research I'm much happier keeping her RF. It means more stops on longer journeys as she gets a bit cramped with her long legs, but I'll keep her in there as long as possible.

SchnitzelVon · 31/08/2020 15:17

If your child hates rear facing so much I can recommend an over head rest tablet holder with a load of CBeebies downloaded on to it 👍

Twigletfairy · 31/08/2020 15:17

It is essentially prioritising convenience over safety. But you know the risks and if that is a risk that is acceptabl to you, then you don't need other people's input.

My 3.5 year old is still rear facing. Not sure how much she weighs but she is a bit of a bean pole, tall and slender. Her car seat is a spinning one, so the seat faces the door when getting her in or out, and then once strapped in you can either twist it to forward facing or rear facing.

For me personally, it's not a risk I'm willing to take, no matter how small. However im sure I do other things that other parents would find unacceptable

HavelockVetinari · 31/08/2020 15:19

Everyone I know bar one family rear-faces their toddlers. It's totally the norm here. We use a Joie 360, so DS will be rear-facing till 18kg. He's 3, and only just 15kg so it'll be a while. He's a tall bean pole but is fine sitting with crossed legs.

User1990232 · 31/08/2020 15:20

Posters saying stuff like “hardly anyone RFs past 1” have missed out the important words “that they personally know”...everyone I know has their toddler in a RF carseat but I’m not foolish enough to assume that my experience applies UK wide.

As pps have said, it’s up to you to weigh up the risks. If it’s mainly about ease of strapping them in though you can get ones that swivel. You won’t be heavily pregnant forever.

AbsolutWitch · 31/08/2020 15:24

Mine has been FF since about 18 months, for similar reasons posted already - his screaming was too much of a distraction and quite frankly it was unkind to him to distress him to the extent it was.

Again, no one I know irl would keep a 3 yo RF. I would've left DS RF longer though if it was practical, as I know it's safest

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 31/08/2020 15:25

I think if I had a child who screamed constantly RF and FF solved the problem then that would be different but I didn't think that was OP's problem.

BigBlondeBimbo · 31/08/2020 15:34

Rear facing until 15 months is the legal requirement now I think. I think they say it's better to have them near facing till they're four-ish. I hadn't heard the 29 kilos thing.

RaisinGhost · 31/08/2020 15:36

For me personally, it's not a risk I'm willing to take

Thing is though, if you really don't want to take any risks, maybe don't drive at all? Or heavily restrict your journeys to essential only? Anyone who drives is prioritising convenience over risk, its just a matter of degree.

Marmite27 · 31/08/2020 15:41

We’ve had to ff our 2.5 year old, due to septic arthritis in her knee. We’ll have a real battle to turn her back.

bumblingbovine49 · 31/08/2020 15:41

I am so pleased we had DS before this was a thing. He went forward facing at 16 months when he was at the height and recommended weight at the time . It made journeys suddenly bearable as DD stopped crying through the entirety of any car journey. Anyway op if say it was fine but my DS is 15 so I am very out of date of course.

AnxMummy10 · 31/08/2020 15:42

I think we did it around then too op. Firstly my ds legs were so long he just couldnt sit comfortably at all and it drove him crazy. It was impossible to drive. Really we tried everything.

BabyLlamaZen · 31/08/2020 15:43

why is your risk of crash lower than anyone else's? Hmm literally no one thinks they will crash. It's so common!
Please just do what's safe.

Soubriquet · 31/08/2020 15:44

Mine were FF from a young age because I couldn’t afford to buy a rear facing car seat.

However, if I ever have more children, I would rear face for longer.

I appreciate the fact it was pure luck that allowed my children to survive being FF after 1 year and nothing else

schafernaker · 31/08/2020 15:45

We have a RF 2.5 year old and keep getting quizzed ‘isn’t it about time you turned her around’ honestly I want to answer isn’t it time you minded your own business.

In all honesty she is a petite 2.5 and still happily goes RF in my car, her grandparents have turned her in their car (space issue) but as we do ant long distance/motorway etc in my car I’m much happier with her rear facing.

tootiredtothinkofanewname · 31/08/2020 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

G5000 · 31/08/2020 15:54

Firstly my ds legs were so long he just couldnt sit comfortably at all

In your seat. There are ERF seats that fit 125-130 cm tall children and I have not yet seen a 2-year old taller than that.

if you really don't want to take any risks, maybe don't drive at all?

According to that logic, I might as well speed and drive while drunk and texting, as it's risky anyway?

Sunnydazey · 31/08/2020 16:12

I had to FF my DD at 18 months, she was one of those babies who screamed and screamed no matter what I did (tried the tablet with cartoons, books, toys etc) it was horrible to drive and I honestly felt I was at more of a risk of crashing from distraction from that. Since FF she doesn’t cry at all so perhaps she felt travel sick, who knows. It’s your Dc and you know what’s best :-)

Toddlerteaplease · 31/08/2020 16:14

I've never ever seen a rear facing toddler!

EasterIssland · 31/08/2020 16:19

Yes of course it’s fine to ff as long as in the event of an accident you can live knowing that the child could have survived if was rf but you didn’t because it was much easier for you.

Im the only one that still rf her 2.5 out of my fiends or relatives but I know that even he sometimes doesn’t like it I’m doing the safest decision for him so if the worse happens i could be fine with myself knowing i did my best to safe him

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