To think it's normal to move house to get your DC into a better school?

[HighbrowLowbrow]

TLDR: AIBU to expect DH to move house even though he likes it because local schools are not good and we can afford to live somewhere much better?

DS is nearly 2. We live in an area where the schools are mediocre (the local infants and juniors are both "requires improvement" on Ofsted, one was in special measures a few years ago although it has improved a bit) and there are anti-social issues with some of the local kids. I'm a bit annoyed living here anyway because it's miles from anywhere with poor amenities and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses. The secondary schools are also currently poor and DH's friend sends his kids about an hour away by bus to get to a half-decent one.

We can just about afford a house of a similar size, a mile from where I work, in a well-to-do area within the catchment area of what is generally considered one of the best primary schools in our city and also one of the top secondary schools (although I do realise a lot can change between now and the time DS goes to secondary school).

DH acts like I'm being incredibly unreasonable and snobbish in wanting to move. He says he likes this area and can't see my problem. I don't know if part of the problem is that I'm very middle class with high aspirations (2 first class degrees, fairly high earning lawyer) and DH is from a very working class family with low expectations (no degree, was unemployed for a couple of years prior to becoming a SAHD).

How do we resolve this? AIBU to expect DH to move for the sake of me and DS? DH just seems to think that what we have is good enough and I should just live with it. I want to give DS the best I can and it would also be nice to have a nicer commute to work when things are more back to normal.

DH doesn't really have any good objections to posher area other than it's a bit hilly, we wouldn't have a car parking space (neither of us drive and I never will be able to due to medical reasons) and the houses that I like are currently going for up to around £500,000 which he thinks is too expensive even though we have lots of equity and that would be within the amount that we could get on a mortgage. He also likes our current house as it has a nice modern kitchen and good sound proofing. I am frustrated because I can always earn enough to make a bad house in a nice location better, but I can't pick up this house and change its location.

I'm also worried that DH might eventually come around to my point of view but I don't have the luxury of waiting around to let him see the error of his ways. He previously kept insisting that we should stay in our upstairs flat rather than buying a house before having a baby (which would have been completely impossible with a pram) and now admits I was absolutely right to force him to move. I want to move before DS starts school if we are going to do it so that there is less impact on DS.

Where I live, the primary school that was put on special measures moved to a Good standing within 2 years (after the HT was sacked and replaced by a very good one).

Similarly, the one that was outstanding and had been for along rime, with a long waiting list of people desperate to get a place to and as a result turning down kids even within the catchment area ended up in specialty measures within 4 years, again after the HT left.

It's not always black or white.

Your post reads as if you feel your education, learning potential and social expectations give you a more valid opinion than your husbands? You suggest he is happy where he is, a SAHD so likely feels comfortable with facilities around him but you want people to say it’s fine for you to push your opinion on him because you know better? I feel bad four husband and if the roles were reversed I don’t think many would be saying yes that’s a good idea just ignore your partners wishes.
Believe it or not people with a working class background often have a good holistic perspective of the things children need in their social upbringing.

Of course some people move to be in the catchment of good schools. We did. A lot of our friends did. My parents did. Now DD has got into the good school, it means our younger DS will too.

We will be moving again without doubt for secondary.

Good luck with your move (I'm sure you'll get your way and, tbh, I don't blame you).

However, bear in mind that nice big houses are being bought by developers and knocked down to build ugly flats in nice areas these days,

Yes yes absolutely the norm if you can afford it. A crap school will eff up your kids chances at a good education and future. Move and drag him with you.

@Ignomen

That social gap is down to behaviour issue, because some parents don’t value education, don’t read to their kids, don’t speak to them, don’t take them anywhere. The schools are on catchup before the kids start reception.

Yeah, keep your children away from them, because it might be catching.

what possible benefit could it be for a child to be in a class with half the kids behind academically?

Our classes are over-crowded as it is, the least a parent can do is try to put your kids where they will get a boost, not being dragged behind.

. A crap school will eff up your kids chances

here's a couple of crazy thoughts......so called crap schools are sometimes wrongly graded by Ofsted who only see a snap shot anyway. So called crap schools often have wonderful,staff who care for and nuture children and may even offer things which don't readily lend themselves to league tables like....Music, Drama, Creativity.

Children develop at different rates....I know crazeeee isn't it?

what possible benefit could it be for a child to be in a class with half the kids behind academically?

(a) For a start, by definition, the children can't 'be behind' before they even start school and (b) I notice that you're assuming your child wouldn't be in the 50% that were 'behind' according to your figuration. Perhaps your child turns out to have additional needs after starting school, and is hence in the 'lagging' half of the class.

Or is there some crucial difference between the mysterious 'behaviour issue' that causes The Wrong Type to lag behind and require more support and time in the classroom, and that of the irreproachably middle-class child with SEN to require more support and time in the classroom?

surprised you dated a bloke from a working class background who has no aspirations and had no job......never mind marry him, have kids and live in an area which backs on to 'ugly' council estate houses..... given your 'middle class' and highly educated and supposedly have high aspirations- doesnt quite fit with your choice of husband -

here's a couple of crazy thoughts......so called crap schools are sometimes wrongly graded by Ofsted who only see a snap shot anyway. So called crap schools often have wonderful,staff who care for and nuture children and may even offer things which don't readily lend themselves to league tables like....Music, Drama, Creativity.

The important word there is "sometimes". Many times, OFSTED are right on the money.

My kids only have one shot at getting an education. I'm not going to mess it up for them by going against my better judgement and keeping them at a crap school just because it seems the nice, liberal thing to do.
Hence we moved.

Most people, realistically, don't want a school doing really well with a challenging intake, they want a school where the intake isn't challenging.

Very much so, and I would add to this that when people say they want a school with strong discipline they actually mean that they want a school where this is largely unnecessary because there is no behaviour problem to start with.

Having just been looking at OFSTED
there are schools that were outstanding in 2012
and were then rated inadequate when next visited in 2020

DO NOT rely on OFSTED unless the last inspection was under the same SLT

I would move OP. And I say that as someone who went to both a poor primary school and a poor secondary school in crappy areas. I would move in a heartbeat to avoid the same for my children, however, it would still be important to me to ensure that they mixed with a wide variety of children from different backgrounds through extra curricular activities.

I live in a crap postcode
there's fuck all wrong with it other than a large student population
Tons of nice bars and restaurants
And none of the snotty twats like the op
DS just got lower offers from 5 Russell group uni's as ours is an area of low university participation (err that's coz most of the residents are already in uni)
Crummy postcodes have their upsides

keeping them at a crap school just because it seems the nice, liberal thing to do.
Hence we moved

So everybody moves away from the so called " crap school"?

Oh and mine have all
Gone to a selective school
Local bog standard Welsh medium comp with a high FSM rate
One with a first from uni already
And one off to read a decent degree from an excellent uni
And I live in scumsville

Most people can't afford to. It's certainly not the norm.

I live in an area a bit like the one you describe. I was worried about the schools, but actually they are excellent. I would recommend viewing then, and not replying on Ofsted or reputation.

Regardless, at primary age, the majority of the learning happens at home.

You are not being unreasonable to want to move, but neither is your DH in not wanting to move.

Your post does come across as pretty snobbish too.

We bought the house we did at least partly because of the local schools. There were other parts of the city where we could have bought a slightly bigger/more modern house for the same money, but the secondary school catchment wasn't good. There are 5 secondary schools in our city, 2 of them were particularly awful at the time, although they seem to be improving. The other 3 were ok, so we would have been ok sending dd1 to any of those 3. We chose to buy in the catchment of the best of those state secondaries. That means we live in an ex council mid link house, which is one that you'd call ugly. But both dds have been to a very good primary school and dd1 did very well at her secondary, where dd2 will move to next year. We'll stay put in our house until dd2 has finished school at least (I vote for staying here forever as I HATE moving!!)

You sound like a snob. And if people stopped doing this, maybe all schools would be decent, as they would have more of a mixture of students from different socioeconomic backgrounds, and good teachers wouldn't avoid the more challenging schools etc.

@ListeningQuietly

Having just been looking at OFSTED there are schools that were outstanding in 2012 and were then rated inadequate when next visited in 2020

DO NOT rely on OFSTED unless the last inspection was under the same SLT

Agree, DS school was ‘inadequate‘ when we applied but before he’d even completed a term there it had another inspection was rated ‘good’. The same can happen in reverse too.

Tbh I don’t find that many parents put too much emphasis on the ofsted reports. It’s often looking round the school to get a ‘feel’ for it plus local reputation and recommendations that play more of a part.

There’s definitely a degree of ‘snobbery’ though from some parents, my town is seen as quite middle-class/expensive but with a couple of more deprived areas. But those parents would generally put more weight on the percentage of free school meals/deprived students when looking at school stats rather than the ofsted. They won’t be interested in the ‘outstanding’ ofsted school if it’s got a very high percentage of kids from deprived families.

YANBU I wish we had done this when our DC were younger but we only thought ahead as far as primary. We live in an area with several excellent primaries including our catchment. Sadly our catchment secondary is diabolical and we weren’t in a position to move, all other schools near are oversubscribed and no one gets in outside of the catchment area. We made the decision to send DD private and will be doing the same for DS. If we had moved to an area with better schools before they started primary we would be a lot better off!!

So everybody moves away from the so called " crap school"?

a) It was crap, no inverted commas needed.

B) Everyone that could, did. Nine of the children in DS's original reception group (30) left in the first year.

There are 3 local(ish) primary schools that were Outstanding for years. They were the kind of school that had only very expensive houses in their catchment areas.

They were finally re-inspected 2 years ago. All 3 were downgraded to 'Requires Improvement', and then ended up becoming part of an academy chain.

If you're going to make any decisions based on Ofsted reports, make sure that those reports are relatively recent.

I live in a really crap catchment and cannot afford to move
but sent my kids to the next school along
bus fare was cheaper than estate agents fees