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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

345 replies

redwinefine · 30/08/2020 22:15

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

OP posts:
managedmis · 31/08/2020 00:35

I once had an ex tell me I was 'allowed' to wear really sexy clothes when we went out.

Made me want to dress like a nun and leave him.

Jonoula · 31/08/2020 00:44

If it wasn’t a new dress you’d’ve worn it before. How was this night different for him?

Quaagars · 31/08/2020 01:26

Not read all the replies, but fuck that lol!
If DH said that to me I'd wear it all the more.

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 01:31

What a weirdo, what grown man says ‘boobies’ and ‘they’re mine’ he sounds like a jealous teenager.
Get shopping for some nice tight low cut tops 😉

Stompythedinosaur · 31/08/2020 01:56

No part of your body belongs to anyone other than you.

He sounds disgusting.

ekidmxcl · 31/08/2020 02:05

It’s pretty straightforward. Your boobs were clearly eye catching and he didn’t want his friends looking at them all evening.

I don’t think his request was unreasonable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 02:13

I had exactly the same, but completely different, conversation with DH last year.

I said, "what do you think?" about my outfit. We were going to dinner with old friends and their Italian and quite conservative parents. He said, "it's a bit booby, which I like, but for dinner with the Italian nonna, what do you think?". I said, "yeah I sort of see your point, I'll change". He said, "no need to change, right?". DH would neither have cared nor commented past that point (except possibly favourably on the boobs later, after wine).

Yours: If I hadn't changed, I feel like there would have been an atmosphere for the rest of the night/ beyond. Very very different. Yours is wrong, mine is fine.

DancingCatGif · 31/08/2020 02:50

I absolutely would not change.

It's one thing if you ask 'does this look nice' and he says not really or whatever, or if it is dirty or whatever, it's another to ask you to change because he doesn't approve.

DancingCatGif · 31/08/2020 02:51

"It’s pretty straightforward. Your boobs were clearly eye catching and he didn’t want his friends looking at them all evening.

I don’t think his request was unreasonable."

What the fuck kind of friends does your husband have that they stare at your tits all night?

Gross.

Greyblueeyes · 31/08/2020 03:07

@Aquamarine1029

If I hadn't changed, I feel like there would have been an atmosphere for the rest of the night/ beyond. He tends to be quite jealous but nothing worrying if that makes sense - he'd make a little comment but only what could be taken as a 'joke'. It was just the 'they're mine' comment, I didn't like. I didn't want to sour the evening, so didn't say anything and haven't brought it up with him.

Fucking hell. You have raised making excuses for his shit, controlling behaviour to an art form.

Maybe it's high time you do bring it up. Tell him your breasts and body are not his and you never want to hear that shit again.

Agreed. He's not "joking." He thinks he owns your body. That's not ok.

LovePoppy · 31/08/2020 03:51

Sounds like gaslighting and put downs to keep you on your toes

Doesn’t sound so lovely to me

LovePoppy · 31/08/2020 03:51

@ekidmxcl

It’s pretty straightforward. Your boobs were clearly eye catching and he didn’t want his friends looking at them all evening.

I don’t think his request was unreasonable.

Why?
Florencex · 31/08/2020 06:46

Has nobody ever commented on their DH’s choice of outfit? We regularly ask each other if what we are wearing is suitable or looks ok. If I thought DH was showing off a lot of flesh, or was popping out of his shirt, it is quite conceivable that I would mention it.

The “boobies” and the “mine” are a bit weird but in context perhaps were just meant to keep the comment light hearted.

DancingCatGif · 31/08/2020 06:50

@Florencex

What on earth is the equivalent for men? It's totally different.

ivfdreaming · 31/08/2020 07:01

This reply has been deleted

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DancingCatGif · 31/08/2020 07:05

@ivfdreaming nice bit of feminism there

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 07:05

'because you look very booby and they're mine'.

I hate this. Really hate that kind of comment, I find it so weird and creepy. It's also a worry that you felt you had to change for an 'easy life'. What would have happened if you hadn't?

@ekidmxcl Your husband needs new friends if they are the kind of people to leer at your breasts all night because of what you're wearing.

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 07:06

@ivfdreaming god almighty - there are so many things wrong with your post I can't even be bothered to write them down. FFS.

Shoxfordian · 31/08/2020 07:11

Remember these comments op because next time it happens you'll know that it's all part of a creepy controlling sexist pattern. I don't expect that the wedding example is your only other example either. How many do you have? 10, 100? Wake up and smell the abusive jealous husband

sparklefarts · 31/08/2020 07:15

I've seen no behaviour that concerns me,

Really? REALLY?
This doesn't concern you?
The other example you have 'if you can tear yourself away' doesn't concern you?

Both of those examples should concern and anger you OP.

cbt944 · 31/08/2020 07:18

Eh. Where do you get to wear your outfit out then?! I guess I can see his point of view if he's the jealous type and he didn't want to spend the night anxious and cross that his friends were perving on your breasts, or something. 'They're mine' makes me want to vomit a bit, though.

It does bother me that women feel they can't bring their concerns up with their partners, for fear of causing some potentially unpleasant result/accusations/atmosphere, etc. I think a curious question would not go astray here. You do live with this fellow after all.

burritofan · 31/08/2020 07:24

I can see his point of view if he's the jealous type and he didn't want to spend the night anxious and cross
But those are his issues to control! His emotions are not for the OP to manage by changing her dress!

2bazookas · 31/08/2020 07:26

Where will you be "allowed" to wear it? PTA meeting? Dinner with the inlaws? LOL

Maybe you should buy him a codpiece  to show off  your property.
MynephewR · 31/08/2020 07:32

My DH might possibly make that comment as a joke but there would never be an expectation that I'd get changed and there's no way I would. I think the fact that you got changed because you didn't want there to be an atmosphere says it all tbh, he is controlling.

Roselilly36 · 31/08/2020 07:32

No way would my DH make such a comment, it sounds completely controlling and obsessive, he doesn’t own you.

You enabled his behaviour by complying, if this is something you do regularly, to keep DH “happy” it will keep on happening. Stand up for yourself. It really isn’t the behaviour of someone that genuinely loves you.

Good luck OP & get some support in RL it must be stressful trying to avoid an atmosphere.