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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

345 replies

redwinefine · 30/08/2020 22:15

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

OP posts:
Whereisthechicken · 31/08/2020 22:17

No I meant *they're! Just pretend I didnt write their

MaltedMilk88 · 31/08/2020 22:20

My DH would make a comment like that in jest and I'd take it as a joke, he wouldn't expect me to get changed though and nor would I entertain it!

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 22:25

I find it personally insulting that is it implied that I stalk my husband and that he stalks me, and I am further personally insulted that it is further implied a relationship in which locations are shared has no trust.

Well, you're choosing to be offended by that @ScarMatty, no one referred to you personally. You can try and twist it all you like to make yourself feel better, but the only person who was personally insulting to someone is you. You're clearly a little testy about it rather than seeing that what you said to a particular poster was unkind. I get that some people find it hard to admit that they've not been very nice to someone, even online, but I've no desire to get into some tit for tat with someone one the internet so I'll leave you to it.

Craftycorvid · 31/08/2020 22:30

I’ve just described the OP’s situation to DH. His response was ‘hahaha. No!’ Which is the correct response.

copperoliver · 31/08/2020 22:35

My husband would not like me having my chest showing, would say wear a vest underneath I think.
I do wear a vest myself anyway I don't like drawing attention to myself but from what I've heard him say when he's seen others I think he'd say the above. X

Ignomen · 31/08/2020 22:37

What does whether you wear a vest or not have to do with your husband @copperoliver? Do you have a strong opinion on whether he wears a vest or not?

ScarMatty · 31/08/2020 22:37

@WhatamessIgotinto

I find it personally insulting that is it implied that I stalk my husband and that he stalks me, and I am further personally insulted that it is further implied a relationship in which locations are shared has no trust.

Well, you're choosing to be offended by that @ScarMatty, no one referred to you personally. You can try and twist it all you like to make yourself feel better, but the only person who was personally insulting to someone is you. You're clearly a little testy about it rather than seeing that what you said to a particular poster was unkind. I get that some people find it hard to admit that they've not been very nice to someone, even online, but I've no desire to get into some tit for tat with someone one the internet so I'll leave you to it.

No desire to get into tit for tat and yet who was the one who first commented? Oh yes, it was you.
Walkaround · 31/08/2020 22:41

Some people have absolutely no issues with being tracked by other members of their family - that’s why these apps exist. Secretly tracking others is seriously creepy. Sharing a tracking app because you can both see its uses and use it for those agreed purposes is just what some people do.

Walkaround · 31/08/2020 22:47

And in ScarMatty’s defence, I found the tone of the post which upset her came across as deliberately condescending and provocative, so not massively more pleasant than the response it elicited.

ScarMatty · 31/08/2020 22:59

@Walkaround

And in ScarMatty’s defence, I found the tone of the post which upset her came across as deliberately condescending and provocative, so not massively more pleasant than the response it elicited.
Thank you. I appreciate someone understanding.
Delbelleber · 31/08/2020 23:09

Hmm I've told my ex many times not to wear certain tee-shirts because of the stupid slogans on the front. Is that the same? I voted yabu and its kinda cute he cares like that. If you are otherwise happy together I don't think you should be upset about that. He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.

Jux · 31/08/2020 23:26

@Delbelleber

Hmm I've told my ex many times not to wear certain tee-shirts because of the stupid slogans on the front. Is that the same? I voted yabu and its kinda cute he cares like that. If you are otherwise happy together I don't think you should be upset about that. He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.
Trouble is, no matter how attractive he finds the op, it is a massive red flag to control what she wears; "wants you all for himself" is less a romantic sign of devotion in these circumstances and more a sign of a need to own/possess. Not good.
burritofan · 01/09/2020 07:38

Is that the same?
No.
its kinda cute he cares like that....He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.
Who brainwashed you? Jealousy, control and possessiveness are not cute qualities, no matter how many rom-coms reinforce stalky and gross behaviours as romantic and desirable.

Tappering · 01/09/2020 07:58

its kinda cute he cares like that....He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.

Did you read fifty shades of grey and think it was all terribly romantic, by any chance?

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2020 08:06

@Delbelleber

Hmm I've told my ex many times not to wear certain tee-shirts because of the stupid slogans on the front. Is that the same? I voted yabu and its kinda cute he cares like that. If you are otherwise happy together I don't think you should be upset about that. He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.
Cute?

No. Possessive.

FaffingForEngland · 01/09/2020 08:39

@Delbelleber

Hmm I've told my ex many times not to wear certain tee-shirts because of the stupid slogans on the front. Is that the same? I voted yabu and its kinda cute he cares like that. If you are otherwise happy together I don't think you should be upset about that. He clearly finds you very attractive and wants you all for himself.
Somewhere along the way, what you consider 'cute' has become very skewed to include controlling.
Delbelleber · 01/09/2020 09:29

Hmmm I can see where you are coming from but if this is a one off then I still don't think there is a problem.
No ive never read fifty shades.

Ginorwine30 · 01/09/2020 09:44

It does sound controlling in this case.
The only way it would not bother me is if perhaps he thought his mates etc might stare or something. I’ve found it can be embarrassing if most people are dressed quite casual and then you’re the one person with your boobs really on show. Maybe his mates might’ve commented to him before.
We should all be able to wear what we want of course but I would want DP to tell me if I was overdressed for a casual occasion or I was embarrassing

TheyThoughtItWasAllOver · 01/09/2020 10:06

YANBU - obviously it's your body and you can (and should)wear what you want. And it wasn't a jokey comment if he didn't say just kidding and stop you changing.

The fact that he was ok with you wearing it when not going to see his friends says to me that he has some friends likely to make comments about you/your boobs that he was trying to avoid. He needs better friends.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2020 10:51

Do you think after covid and no one dressing up, to see you so glam shocked him?

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