AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

[redwinefine]

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

They're mine = he thinks somehow that h owns your body parts

Ugh, I can't abide men giving their unwanted opinions on our clothes. You should have told him to fuck off.

So he thinks he owns you/your body?

If I hadn't changed, I feel like there would have been an atmosphere for the rest of the night/ beyond. He tends to be quite jealous but nothing worrying if that makes sense - he'd make a little comment but only what could be taken as a 'joke'. It was just the 'they're mine' comment, I didn't like. I didn't want to sour the evening, so didn't say anything and haven't brought it up with him.

@dontlikebeards that's the thing! If he'd said 'you're spilling out' / 'your bra is showing' that would have been different

Do you not see that this IS worrying? That there'd be an atmosphere etc... Not normal

I think now’s the time to bring it up with him then. Tell him what youve told us.

If I hadn't changed, I feel like there would have been an atmosphere for the rest of the night/ beyond. He tends to be quite jealous but nothing worrying if that makes sense - he'd make a little comment but only what could be taken as a 'joke'. It was just the 'they're mine' comment, I didn't like. I didn't want to sour the evening, so didn't say anything and haven't brought it up with him.

Fucking hell. You have raised making excuses for his shit, controlling behaviour to an art form.

Maybe it's high time you do bring it up. Tell him your breasts and body are not his and you never want to hear that shit again.

You've already been conditioned not to displease him or he will punish you with the "atmosphere". Think on this.

I feel like you’re either downplaying his controlling and possessive behaviour or you’ve more worryingly, got used to it and are kowtowing to his horrible demands.

By changing you mollified him and denigrated your own ability to make choices
For yourself.

He now knows that you will question yourself before upsetting him

Maybe his friends are a bit pervy and have made prev comments to your DH and made him uncomfortable? Or he's just a controlling man-child?

I think any jealousy is worrying actually.

Bloody hell, this is not normal (well, sadly maybe it is). He clearly thinks he owns you and your body. If I was with a man like that I would start going out on really revealing outfits all the time. I would make a point and drivrnit the fuck home!

*drive it

So you changed your clothes.
You were afraid of the atmosphere.
He's made comments before.
You are nervous of him.

OP, he's a controlling twat and you are making excuses for him.

Not a nice man.
Not a good man.
Not a decent man.

A controlling man.
A temperamental man.
A man that you have to humour.

A man YOU are nervous of.

An abusive man.

Take care OP.
You know he is not a good man.
Protect yourself.

I wouldn’t have changed in a million years!!
Please think WHY you changed OP. What do you mean that ‘he looked at you’ was it a bit threatening?
For what it’s worth, he must have very low self esteem, I bet you looked fantastic!!

you look very booby and they're mine

That's a bit creepy. I've had a boyfriend say things like that to me - like my body is his - and I found it creepy then.

My DH would probably say that but he would be joking and he would probably have been right that it was too low cut!

I would definitely not have changed. I agree with the first comment

I’d be wearing that outfit for the next week, tbh.

DH once commented that the Mitchell brothers were in my top.

I told him to piss off - and he has never mentioned anything again

He really is a lovely man - when we were out, he kept checking I was ok, or getting me involved in the conversation. He just get jealous - I never thought it would be with his friends, though - and would make the odd comment. E.G. before lockdown, we were at a wedding and I was chatting to a male guest. DH came up to me and said 'i think people are gathering because they're about to do the first dance. If you can tear yourself away, that is.' Sometimes I will ask what I should wear between two options and he'll pick the more conservative but I didn't ask for his opinion this time and we were about to head out the door. I didn't want an atmosphere while we were out with his mates.

@augustusglupe it wasn't threatening, it was more that he expected me to change and he was waiting for me to do so

@Livpool maybe I just need to take that approach!! I should have just waltzed out the door! :D

This wasnt a "little remark". Or a "joke-y" comment.
This shows his posessiveness.

If he is insecure and jealous that is his problem. And something he should deal with. By changing your clothes you are just enabling his behaviour.

You are not" his". You belong to yourself. You may dress the way you choose. Surely you see a big problem with his comment now after reading all these comments on here. His behaviour is wrong.

Pp said that 'any jealously is worrying '. Which isnt true. A bit of jealousy here and there is fine and normal. Human even. But your dh sounds not just jealous. He sounds ott and controlling. And that is just a habit that needs to be broken. Take action op