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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

345 replies

redwinefine · 30/08/2020 22:15

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

OP posts:
Doccomplaint · 31/08/2020 07:38

@ivfdreaming

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away 🤷‍♀️
I’m speechless.
PrinnyPree · 31/08/2020 07:40

I think there's hints of little red flags here that have not properly surfaced since everytime he passively aggressively hints that you should change your behaviour/clothes or stop a conversation with a man you comply. Xxx

I would be concerned that if you started being more assertive he would display more overtly controlling behaviour. Flowers

Skyliner001 · 31/08/2020 07:41

Ha! If my partner did that no way would I change. Have stern words and he should apologise. Never change for him again 😊

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2020 07:48

I don’t really understand this op.

You’ve asked the comment, people have told you it was wrong and you just keep defending him. What’s the point in asking then?

seventhrow · 31/08/2020 07:48

Can’t you just ask him what he meant by it?
Lot of people making very strong comments but I’m not convinced based on this that he is a controlling bastard. Was the dress just a bit too revealing and inappropriate for the pub / drinks with mates? There’s a difference between wearing a killer dress on a date and wearing one with your boobs out whilst sitting round with your DH’s male friends in the pub. My DH wouldn’t want his friends staring at my boobs all evening or them being a distraction. Hence the “they’re mine” comment - they’re mine to enjoy not my mate Dave’s who is gonna be ogling thing all eve.
Obviously of course they are indeed your boobs. But how booby was the dress? If it really was a bit OTT I can see where he’s coming from - sometimes I can’t tell until seeing a picture of myself how much my boobs are out in a certain outfit.

popcornlover · 31/08/2020 07:49

You have a happy marriage, so no need to pick holes in it? It’s probably his way of kindly advising you that you may look a bit ... even I can’t phrase it without being insulting. I think he was trying to be discreet and yet funny.

Pobblebonk · 31/08/2020 07:57

[quote redwinefine]@QuacksInTheDark i feel like he would just dismiss it. When I called him out on the comment at the wedding, he said it didn't mean anything and to forget about it.[/quote]
That's fine then. You can make your point that your boobs are yours not his, you will be wearing that dress whenever you choose, and as his comment "didn't mean anything" (or whatever phrase he uses to dismiss the issue) you don't expect any sort of atmosphere or fuss from him.

emilybrontescorsett · 31/08/2020 07:58

ivfdreaming try reading the op's posts. They have been married for over 20 years, she's hardly going to be in her 20s. Besides your comments are vile.

Billben · 31/08/2020 08:02

@ivfdreaming

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away 🤷‍♀️
Holy cow 😱 What an awful comment. I’d be embarrassed to say something like this out loud (or write it).
FaffingForEngland · 31/08/2020 08:04

@ivfdreaming

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away 🤷‍♀️
Nice bit of ageism there.
Isthisadaggerisee · 31/08/2020 08:05

WTF? I’d wear it every day including the school run until he learns to wise up.

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 08:06

Was the dress just a bit too revealing and inappropriate for the pub / drinks with mates?

@seventhrow Well, surely one can presume not, since the OP wanted to wear it in the first place. She only changed because she wanted an easy life. Who's to say when something is 'inappropropriate'? Does your husband get to decide what you wear? Mine doesn't.

Isthisadaggerisee · 31/08/2020 08:07

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away 🤷‍♀️‘

It’s not Mumsnet you should be on with this comment it’s MGTOW ...

Billben · 31/08/2020 08:08

It’s probably his way of kindly advising you that you may look a bit ... even I can’t phrase it without being insulting.

A bit like what? A tart, a prostitute, mutton dressed as lamb, asking for it......

I can’t believe some of the comments coming from women here 🙄

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 08:10

I can’t believe some of the comments coming from women here.

@Billben it's astounding isn't it.

seventhrow · 31/08/2020 08:13

@ WhatamessIgotinto
My husband like hell decides what I wear and quite frankly I wear a few things I know is not his favourite style, but I’ll take his opinion if something is too short or too low, because it’s tricky to tell when you’re in the outfit and not the person who can see everything when I lean over to get a menu from the end of a table. Weight can also fluctuate a bit and clothes shapes change in the wash, so something that started out fine can end up being a bit much. Devils advocate - OP says that it was low cut, but was it actually just a bit much for the venue?

NeverTwerkNaked · 31/08/2020 08:14

Is it really a happy marriage? How often do you find yourself making a decision to avoid an atmosphere? There are definite warning signs and I think you need to do some reflecting as over the next few weeks as to how often you actually do something differently because of a fear of an atmosphere etc. Treading on eggshells is awful and slowly erodes your sense of self.

Next time, don't change your outfit!!

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 31/08/2020 08:15

Why did you post if you’re just going to ignore the posters telling you what he said was abusive and misogynistic? Do you want someone to tell you that he’s a lovely man, it was just a one off comment, he’ll never do it again, get over it. Because no one is going to do that so you might aswell close the thread if that’s all you want to hear.

fmlfmlfmlfm · 31/08/2020 08:17

Devils advocate here..

If another woman had said you're a bit booby etc how would this have made you feel? Your mum or best friend after you asked their opinion?

Sunpinesmile · 31/08/2020 08:17

Why does he think he’s a better judge of your clothes and your body than you...?

Simply - because he SEES HIMSELF as superior to you. (Not because he’s actually superior to you, of course).

Lizziespring · 31/08/2020 08:19

It is very good you have asked for feedback here, and got such a strong affirmation of your concern. It's so easy to make excuses for signs of controlling behaviour, but it's not your fault either now or if it gets worse. I hope you can chat IRL to a friend or family member too and decide how to discuss "erm, no: my body is mine, not yours" with your partner, for both your sakes.

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 08:20

@seventhrow Yes she says it was low cut. And she wanted to wear it. She changed because he asked her to.

I assume that when your husband gives you an opinion on what you wear it's because you've asked for it? I hope that's the case anyway.

Srslydontgiveacrap · 31/08/2020 08:22

Seems like a non-event Confused

Why did you get changed? Is there more to the story?

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 08:22

Your mum or best friend after you asked their opinion?

@fmlfmlfmlfm The OP doesn't say she asked for his opinion. He gave it.

seventhrow · 31/08/2020 08:24

@ WhatamessIgotinto
blah blah blah blah blah