AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

[redwinefine]

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

@lazylinguist - what a load of absolute rubbish that men’s clothes are always commented on neutrally. That is only the case it their clothes are neutral. I remember a lot of comments about sad “medallion men” in the 70s.

You apparently can't read. I didn't say that men's clothes are only commented on neutrally. I said that they weren't commented on morally. Women's moral character and sexual behaviour are constantly inferred from their clothing in a way that men's are not. For example in the 'she was asking for it, going out dressed like that!' argument you get from rspe apologists.

As can be seen from this thread, men act territorially and jealously about their female partners based on judgements about their clothes, even when the women have not behaved in a way to justify that jealousy. Men (and even other women ) justify this as protectiveness or as 'knowing what other men are like'. But instead of tackling men's lecherous behaviour, they instead try to control what women wear.

Those who asked - this is the dress. I'm in late 20s and have big breasts, so it revealed more that the model here

www.dorothyperkins.com/en/dpuk/product/dresses-5699972/skater-dresses-4888369/multi-colour-leopard-print-ruched-fit-and-flare-dress-9802469

@lazylinguist - I entirely agree with that. Clothing is certainly not a moral issue.

Maybe the dress truly didn't suit you/fit you well and he was trying to protect you without saying something hurtful? I'm thinking back to a girl I new at secondary school who wore clothes that really didn't look good and usually a good size or so too small for her. I didn't know her well but I used to think it awful of her family or friends not to tell her that a lot of her choices were terrible

@redwinefine - I think your dh meant the bit about you looking fantastic and it was not appropriate for him to tell you not to wear it. x

[quote Walkaround]@HoratiotheHorsefly - I don’t wear make up and virtually never wear dresses or skirts because I think the shoes I find comfortable to wear with them look ugly with them. Nor do I have any interest in fashion trends. I find your comment about 12-year old girls concerning, though. What makes you think 12-year old girls behave like that and then manage to grow out of it?[/quote]
God you're quite hard work. I've been a 12 year old girl and have raised them myself.

At the age of 12, hormones flooding in, yes I and my children did chat about make up and clothes whilst we found our way in the world.

Yes I did grow out of chatting to others about it, on here being an exception, despite the fact I love make up and skin care, not fussed on fashion. It's all for me though, not for anyone else.

That dress is not revealing, it’s quite high at front, I’ll assume you have the correct size for you. If his ‘friends’ can’t enjoy your company without ogling then he needs new friends and a new attitude.
What next polo necks and knee length skirts??

That remark “ If you can tear yourself away” was uncalled for & nasty

Really disappointing the women on here tying themselves up justifying a mans nasty and controlling behaviour.
I pity any daughters they have if this is the women raising them to be doormats.

Bloody cheek about boobs in your 40s/50s - I’m approaching 55 & there’s nothing remotely saggy about my “ rack” thank you very much!!

@SBTLove absolutely agree. I suspect I am raising my DD very differently to some of these people.

You changed for an easy life?

What else do you find yourself do g, for an easy life?

YWBU to change for this man. Wtaf!!!!

Lovely dress, I've just bought the last one in my size!

I don't think you should have changed. I think it's extremely worrying that he assumed you would. He's not in charge of you. You really shouldn't let this continue.

I remember an ex of mine utterly despising a coat I bought. He told me he would not be seen in public with me wearing it, he was embarrassed by it. Fine I said, enjoy your night, I'm catching the train so I guess you are travelling by other means. It became a funny story between us because neither of us would back down but he never tried to tell me again.

@daisychain1620

Maybe the dress truly didn't suit you/fit you well and he was trying to protect you without saying something hurtful? I'm thinking back to a girl I new at secondary school who wore clothes that really didn't look good and usually a good size or so too small for her. I didn't know her well but I used to think it awful of her family or friends not to tell her that a lot of her choices were terrible

Well, telling her she can't show her breasts because they're his doesn't support this theory at all. Dh, who is a million times more stylish than me, might offer an opinion if asked on whether something looks good. But his reasoning wouldn't be that I'm showing off a part of my body that he considers his!

If you really genuinely think he's lovely etc etc raise it now with him calmly and rationally and see what he says. Tell him it's your body, and you'll wear what you like. YOU own all of your body parts, not him. Tell him you were shocked and worried by the comment (or whatever you felt) and see how he responds. A decent man would take it on board and apologise. If he has a massive strop or worse, you'll get the measure of him.

As for sexist and ageist comments on this thread, I despair.

I regularly come down for a trip out and get told to change. Just bother me in the slightest and I definitely do it for an easy life as it’s just not worth the aggro and it makes my partner happy if I look how they want me to.

That’s assuming I haven’t gone to the bedroom and found my outfit already laid out for me.

@Desperado24

I regularly come down for a trip out and get told to change. Just bother me in the slightest and I definitely do it for an easy life as it’s just not worth the aggro and it makes my partner happy if I look how they want me to.

That’s assuming I haven’t gone to the bedroom and found my outfit already laid out for me.

Sorry but are you being serious? I can't quite work it out but if you are then have you questioned why you think this is ok?

Desperado is a bloke, apparently. Not quite the same analogy at all, really. His wife won't be choosing his clothes because she thinks what he's wearing is too sexual or revealing. Or that she owns parts of his body.

Why is it not ok?

It’s makes my wife happy that I look how she wants me to and has zero impact on me.

She buys my clothes, decides what I wear when, how I have my facial hair and how my hair is styled. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

I have a friend like you OP.
She was married to a ' lovely man ' who dictated her wardrobe. She would go to wear an item of clothing, only to find it had ' disappeared '
He also used to make comments about her appearance and say similar things if she was chatting to another man.
Then he started questioning where she had been if she was late home from work.
Then the questions about her fidelity started ( she had never been unfaithful )
That was just the half of it.
She finally found the courage to flee when he half killed her one night because she wouldn't confess to his imaginary affair.
I'm not saying this is the path that your husband will go down, but it's the path that many abusers start off on.
My husband wouldn't dream of commenting on my attire unless I really did look like I'd got dressed in the dark in Oxfam, even then he wouldn't mention my boobs or pass comment that any part of my body belonged to him.
You sound like one of those unfortunate women who apologises to their husband for causing him to beat her, because a quiet life is easier than risking his wrath again, but hey, he gives her a bunch of cheap garage flowers for her birthday and puts the bins out, so he can't be all that bad can he.
Don't be that woman.

You sound like one of those unfortunate women who apologises to their husband for causing him to beat her, because a quiet life is easier than risking his wrath again, but hey, he gives her a bunch of cheap garage flowers for her birthday and puts the bins out, so he can't be all that bad can he.

Jesus - that’s a bit of a leap isn’t it

@Desperado24

Why is it not ok?

It’s makes my wife happy that I look how she wants me to and has zero impact on me.

She buys my clothes, decides what I wear when, how I have my facial hair and how my hair is styled. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Well now I know you're a man it's completely different.

Men aren't morally and sexually judged on their attire. Women are.

I've just read another thread about what age you were first catcalled at. Really saddens me that most answers are between 11-14, in school uniform by young/middle aged men.

Women have been questioned about what they wear for far too long.

She buys my clothes, decides what I wear when, how I have my facial hair and how my hair is styled. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Is this your wife or your mother you're talking about @Desperado24?

I know @desperado24 I'm not saying this is the case here, but pointing out how such abuse can occur.
Maybe I could have worded it better.