AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

[redwinefine]

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

@PlanDeRaccordement

I personally prefer to dress a bit modest so would appreciate a comment like that from my DH. But that is him helping me in my preference. In your case it sounds different, like that is his preference and so not sure why he thinks he can tell you how to dress.

If you prefer to dress 'modestly' (as opposed to what?) that's your choice and presumably you wouldn't choose that outfit in the first place.

The OP did and shouldn't have to justify her choice or change because her jealous other half didn't like it.

God, are we really back in the 50s/60s. I remember my mum telling me I couldn't go out in a miniskirt (I did anyway!)

I'd feel very uncomfortable with his comment. Wear what you want, they aren't his boobs they are yours.

It’s sad that you’ve tried to show how he is at lovely man’ by giving more examples... but you’re actually showing how he’s more controlling but you see it as protective.

He's not a lovely man. Lovely men don't behave like him.

we were at a wedding and I was chatting to a male guest. DH came up to me and said 'i think people are gathering because they're about to do the first dance. If you can tear yourself away, that is.'

Oh my Lord. I hope the male guest you were chatting to heard this comment and saw what your DH is really like.

I’d have ripped my DH a new one right there in front of the male guest if he had ever embarrassed me this way. And I would have carried on chatting.

OP you mentioned that when you ask for his opinion: outfit A or B, he'll always chose the more conservative option.

Have you already started choosing more conservative clothes, without asking his opinion? If you have, your training is going really well so far. I'm sure your husband has high hopes for the future...

His attitude stinks. You're being quite naive here and if you keep on this path you're going to end up hideously controlled.

"If you can tear yourself away"..."forget about it" at that wedding =

How dare you even speak to another man + shut up.

How about if he wants an easy life, he learns that women's bodies are their own and they wear what they like.

The dh’s comment and his expectation the OP should get changed were definitely beyond the pale. When it comes to the dh’s comments, the appropriateness or otherwise of the outfit for the occasion is irrelevant. Possessive comments like that are seriously creepy.

You already acknowledge he's jealous.

Lovely men don't claim ownership of your body, especially the specifically 'sexual' parts to them.

Lovely men don't say things like 'if you can tear yourself away' to you or in front of men you happen to being talking to trying to make you leave.

He's not lovely.

And if you want more proof, put the outfit you wanted to wear last night back on and tell him calmly that you're off to meet some girlfriends for drinks this evening. His reaction will confirm what we're all telling you.

I do think it is a bit disingenuous to claim you are dressing 100% for yourself if you only dress up like that to go out. If dressing purely for yourself, it would surely be your choice of attire at home?

Do you always dress the same @Walkaround? I don't. Sometimes I wear a dress, sometimes I wear jeans and a tee shirt, short skirt and tights, baggy jumper and jeans, joggers and a hoodie. It depends on how I feel.

My husband once got offended when I told him I don't dress for his benefit. I dress to make me feel good. He called it feminist bs and I told him to have a word with himself. He always wears t-shirts and jeans because he finds them comfortable. I said I wear what I wear because it's comfortable. He shut up then.

We should wear wtf we please (as long as it's legal) and our judgy partners should butt out.

@WagnersFourthSymphony

I'll get flamed for this, but maybe it makes him feel uncomfortable when other men perve over you, and he thought this might encourage it. After all, being a man, he knows what men can be like. Some women enjoy it but plenty don't.

Saying 'they're mine' is completely unacceptable, however. Is he from a very conservative patriarchal background, viewing himself as your protector?

It's up to the woman herself whether she feels comfortable with other people's response to what she is wearing. It isn't for him to police that.

@WhatamessIgotinto - no, I don't always dress the same. Sometimes I dress in clothes I think I look good in but don’t find as comfortable, because I want to look nice when I go out, or want to look smart. I don’t pretend other people’s reactions to me are irrelevant, though. I desire to come across the way I intended to come across when I choose an outfit.

@Walkaround so, you sometimes wear uncomfortable clothes because you look good in them, therefore everyone else must do and feel the same? Gotcha ...

@WhatamessIgotinto - given the number of women who go shopping with each other and ask each other’s opinions on outfits, and who share fashion and make up tips with each other, and wear shoes that give them bunions and arthritis in the toes, I would say a minority of human beings only ever wear clothes that they find comfortable and that only they like.

Is it possible that he actually thought your outfit was either unflattering or inappropriate and was trying to find a nice way to tell you so? That would be my first guess, if he isn't normally controlling. If your spouse was about to wear something that seemed off for an occasion, is it never okay to say anything? I would think even friends might do that on occasion.

@SuzieCarmichael I'm clapping for that fabulous comment

@Advicewouldbeappreciated @ivfdreaming Advice you need to go to Puritanmumsnet.com and IVF you need a psychiatrist

People who wear skin tight or revealing clothing do so presumably because they want to show that part of their body to others. So if you don’t mind people looking (they will, it’s human nature) then go ahead but I think we should be considerate of our partners’s feelings.

And he should be considerate of hers. He shouldn't try to police what she wears because he thinks he owns her and her breasts.

@RobinlovesCormoran oh I couldn’t be with a man who called anything feminist bullshit :/ does he not agree with equality?

given the number of women who go shopping with each other and ask each other’s opinions on outfits, and who share fashion and make up tips with each other, and wear shoes that give them bunions and arthritis in the toes, I would say a minority of human beings only ever wear clothes that they find comfortable and that only they like.

So many sweeping generalisations about women in one comment. I'm quite sure there are also many women who would rather stick pins in their eyes than go shopping with and 'share make up tips' with others.

We can't, and shouldn't assume that all women are the same. I firmly believe that women (and men) should dress in whatever way that they please. If that means wearing uncomfortable clothes sometimes to make you feel good then, although it's not for me, you go for it if that's your choice. But I would hope that most women are past the stage of dressing to please others and a man telling his wife what to wear because her body is 'his' makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I have found it troubling for a while that in books and films jealousy is presented as a way to see how much someone loves you. It is not a good thing and often leads to controlling behavior.

So what if you wanted to wear a low cut top and his friends ogled you. That is their problem. I will not have my clothing choices dictated by men's inability to control themselves. It is the same as those stupid schools who say girls can't wear vest tops as it distracts the students and teachers.

As for the, they're mine comment, that is deeply disturbing. My body belongs to me

@WhatamessIgotinto - until nudism is permitted in the House of Commons, I would say your desire for all people to wear what they want and when they want is an exceptionally long way from being won.

@Walkaround I very rarely see women in uncomfortable shoes that give them bunions or arthritis these days. Most women that I know got the memo that they can actually wear comfy shoes just like most men do.

I also don't know any women who share fashion advice or makeup tips, were not all 12 year old girls you know

@HoratiotheHorsefly - I don’t wear make up and virtually never wear dresses or skirts because I think the shoes I find comfortable to wear with them look ugly with them. Nor do I have any interest in fashion trends. I find your comment about 12-year old girls concerning, though. What makes you think 12-year old girls behave like that and then manage to grow out of it?