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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be called the version of ‘mum’ DH and family have in mind

327 replies

tappbar · 30/08/2020 16:25

All the other kids in the family have a slight regional variant for mum or mummy but I don’t like it ... aibu to just want to be mum or mummy?

OP posts:
user1471590586 · 30/08/2020 18:33

I had this with my family. They took offence to the fact that I would be called Mummy not Mammy. They went on and on about it, trying to bully me. They took the piss by saying "Mummy" in a posh voice. What finally stopped then was when they tried to make fun of me in front of my cousin. Turned out my cousin also was called Mummy by her kid. They embarrassed themselves. Incidentally, I live in the Midlands but everyone I know has the kids call them Mum or Mummy.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 30/08/2020 18:33

Vulgarlady in my children's case it's German, because they live in Germany, not Victorian nursery...

lifestooshort123 · 30/08/2020 18:35

I'm 'granny' but at my DGS's school they refer to me as 'nanny' so he does the same there. Sometimes he calls me 'gropes' which I quite like for some strange reason (sorry, hijacking a mum thread). Maa maa.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/08/2020 18:35

My husband says “ask Mum” or “talk to Mum,” rather than your mum, which irritates me even more, as I did not give birth to him.

Isn't that normal, though? As far as your kids are concerned, 'Mum' is your name, so he's being decentric by referring to you as that when talking to them. Obviously, it's personal preference, but I think it sounds a bit distant when yo say 'your mum' or 'your dad' within the same family.

The one that I find weirdest is when Liverpudlians will say 'Me Mam' and 'Me Dad' when talking to their siblings, who also share the same parent. Or was that just mainly a Brookside thing?!

Thisismytimetoshine · 30/08/2020 18:36

The only one I'd put my foot down about is Mumma. Why would anyone insist on that?!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/08/2020 18:37

Does anybody in real life use Mater and Pater?!

MyMorningHairHasItsOwnVlog · 30/08/2020 18:38

I don’t give a monkeys what my kids call me, as long as it’s not rude 😂 I remember one of them introducing me to someone as “first name” and that person being affronted that a child would do something that forward!

Honestly, it’s not something I even thought about. I live in a “mummy” area but my kids (usually) call me mum. I’m not a fan of Mom. Younger DS calls his dad “pappa” sometimes, which is funny because it’s what my late sister in law called her dad!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 30/08/2020 18:40

My youngest is dyslexic and goes to school in German, so I haven't tried to teach him English spelling yet as he has enough on his plate writing German. However he writes me little notes in misspelled English (which I try to decipher) and although he calls me Mummy when speaking he writes Mammi. For some reason I find that really sweet!

Justkeepleft · 30/08/2020 18:40

To my families shock my kids call me by my name. DH's family doesn this so a follow of from there.
You really can choose what you want to be called.

vanillandhoney · 30/08/2020 18:41

I call my mum Mama Bear Grin I'm in my thirties!

We live in a "mam" area but I grew up in a "mum" area. If I'm referring to her in conversation she's "mum".

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/08/2020 18:42

If you've never seen this infamous round from Family Feud (US version of Family Fortunes) before, it's worth a cringe watch!

BikeTyson · 30/08/2020 18:43

I’m in a Mam/Mammy area so nursery etc refer to me like that. I call myself Mummy so that’s what DD picked up, I’m the one who talks to her the most after all. Just refer to yourself as whatever you want to be called and I’d be really surprised if your child doesn’t follow suit.

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 30/08/2020 18:45

If it's not mom, it's mam or mama then.

I wouldn't want to be mam. Words like Mam, Sam, ham, spam give me the creeps Grin . Mama's nice enough.

But it's your choice what your own children call you OP! If you don't like it, tell your DH and family 'no, I'm mum/mummy' and don't engage in any conversations about this.

SabrinaTheTeenageBitch · 30/08/2020 18:47

Im in the north east and I could not imagine being anything other than 'mam'. Mum just sounds so alien to me. Accents are fascinating

whiteroseredrose · 30/08/2020 18:49

Those saying Mama is it like Downton Abbey Mam-ah or Ma-Ma like dolls used say?

TheGreatWave · 30/08/2020 18:54

@AskingforaBaskin

Is it Mam/mammy?

You can tell your children to call you what you like. Just be aware if they go to school etc then peers and teachers etc may unintentionally steer them to the local norm.

I'm Mom in a land of Mam's, I have never had this issue with the schools. Though to be fair as soon as I open my mouth they realise I am not local.

MIL calls my Mammy. It grates a little, but after 14 years, it won't change.

FairfaxAikman · 30/08/2020 18:54

Your DC may end up choosing themselves!
I'm only ever referred to as mummy by family but DS (2) has always called me Mam (said with an elongated middle, so Maaaaahm). We live nowhere near the north east or wales, where I believe the term is used. 😂

ddl1 · 30/08/2020 19:00

It could always be worse. One of my friends went through a phase of calling her parents 'Fluffy' (mother) and 'Moon-face' (father)! Another, after 'doing' 'Great Expectations' at school, used to refer to her parents as 'the Aged Ps'!

WendyHoused · 30/08/2020 19:01

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

My husband says “ask Mum” or “talk to Mum,” rather than your mum, which irritates me even more, as I did not give birth to him.

Isn't that normal, though? As far as your kids are concerned, 'Mum' is your name, so he's being decentric by referring to you as that when talking to them. Obviously, it's personal preference, but I think it sounds a bit distant when yo say 'your mum' or 'your dad' within the same family.

The one that I find weirdest is when Liverpudlians will say 'Me Mam' and 'Me Dad' when talking to their siblings, who also share the same parent. Or was that just mainly a Brookside thing?!

I’d always say “ask your Dad“ rather than call him Dad, myself. Because Dad is their grandfather. I do say “me Dad” when talking about my dad, even to my brother. It’s always been that way in my family.

I wanted to be Mom because I grew up in a Mom area and I have nice associations with it. It didn’t take. I was Mummy for a surprisingly long time until it became Mum.

darciesdream · 30/08/2020 19:03

I'm "mam" and I would feel weird being anything else but I'm in the north east and it's fairly standard.

I suppose it's your choice but if the child is growing up in an area where almost everyone else says something different then it may seem odd to them?

imissthebubonicplague · 30/08/2020 19:04

You can choose but your dc may go with whatever they like anyway.

I preferred mummy but ds2 went through a phase of calling me mama which made us sound v posh where we live.

As they got older I became mum usually in a nasal whine mu-um with hands on frustrated hips. They use my actual name if I don't respond quickly enough.

Learnt Spanish over lockdown and they referred to me a mujer "woman" for a few weeks Angry

NatashaAlianovaRomanova · 30/08/2020 19:12

@WendyHoused I say "my dad/mum" even when talking to my siblings about them - when talking to the younger ones about my step mum (their mum) I say "your mum".

I'm mum, as is my mum (unless we want to annoy her then it's Maw Grin)

LauraAshleySofa · 30/08/2020 19:13

I get called mumsy.

I don't respond to that name.

So they just use it more and more to annoy me.

I respond to mum or mummy. One day we'll all have a good laugh about mumsy... Maybe

badg3r · 30/08/2020 19:16

From my own experience: When your baby is born you will probably speak to the about yourself in the third person, ie mummy is just going to the kitchen etc. They will probably follow your lead. When they start nursery or school they will probably switch to what their friends call their mums too.

Nomorepies · 30/08/2020 19:18

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