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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be called the version of ‘mum’ DH and family have in mind

327 replies

tappbar · 30/08/2020 16:25

All the other kids in the family have a slight regional variant for mum or mummy but I don’t like it ... aibu to just want to be mum or mummy?

OP posts:
TorgosPizza · 30/08/2020 17:18

I'd put my foot down about that. You should get to decide what your own child calls you.

Everyone else may still refer to you as "mammy", though, and unless you are happy to speak up every time it happens, you'll just have to live with that.

If everyone else is calling you "mammy" in your child's hearing and especially one s/he is older and hears peers referring to their own mothers that way and may not want to stand out by being different it's possible you'll end up being "mammy" despite your wishes.

dicksplash · 30/08/2020 17:18

Where I live Mam is the norm but I hate it. My children called me Mum as did I - thankfully DH also uses Mum so we didn't have to fight that. Even though most of my dc's friends and some of my family use Mam they don't call me it.

Use what you want to be called.

TorgosPizza · 30/08/2020 17:20

*once s/he is older

BlacklashStarts · 30/08/2020 17:20

You will refer to yourself in front of your own child, in whatever way you want, more often than anybody else refers to you. Your kids will just pick it up from you.

Steelasprey · 30/08/2020 17:20

I presumed I’d be ‘mammy’ or ‘man’ as that’s the most usual in Ireland but eldest started calling me ‘mum’ as soon as he could speak - probably too much CBeebies!

AlohaMolly · 30/08/2020 17:20

I’m in Wales and it’s mam/mami here because... well, because it’s welsh! I was brought up in England and have always dreamed of being a mummy and so I referred to myself as such and so does DS!

Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 30/08/2020 17:21

I either refer to myself as Mummy or mama (pronounced in my mother tongue). DS calls me Mammy 99% of the timeHmm

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2020 17:23

@OutOfDateAppleCrumble

I love in Mom country, both kids call me Mum.
I think there's so much Mum everywhere, books, cards etc. I was actually apprised to see Mom in the school walls from the teachers. We must have a very local catchment 😂
minnieok · 30/08/2020 17:25

My kids chose! At first (as babies) we said mummy to them as that is typical from where I'm from (London) however they always used the local term and as adults I'm still mama. Their friends (we no longer live in a mama area) call them posh for saying mama but they ignore them.

Margie70 · 30/08/2020 17:25

My offspring have always called me by my first name - they are late 30s now and I took one of their teachers to task for telling one of them that I am mummy, not Margie70 - no one has the right to choose my name for me!

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 30/08/2020 17:25

I'm Mama or Mãe, it's cultural.

I looked after kids who had an Amma and Appa, but when speaking with friends they learnt to say mum/dad. It'll be the same for my children.

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2020 17:27

It's your name.

You get to decide.

MindyStClaire · 30/08/2020 17:28

You get to choose, obviously. If Mammy isn't the norm where you're from, say that.

However, your kids may just adapt the local norm once at school - my mother says mam and called her mother mammy, but I call her mum and my sister uses mom.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/08/2020 17:31

Ah Mammy like Mrs Brown's Boys Grin

My DS calls me Muvver (Essex boy)

jessstan2 · 30/08/2020 17:33

Ma?

CountFosco · 30/08/2020 17:33

You choose your own name (as do GPs). We live in a Mam area but I'm still Mummy, even my 13yo still calls me Mummy (she talks about 'my Mum' with her friends). I know lots of mixed families where the non-English names are used so it's common enough.

LouisBalfour · 30/08/2020 17:34

Surely you get to choose? And I agree, 'mam/mammy' is just awful.

jessstan2 · 30/08/2020 17:35

Oh, Mammy. I like 'Mam'.

It's not up to other family members to choose what you are called but you'll find your children will make their own choice eventually, regardless of what you want.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 30/08/2020 17:35

Mam/mammy is standard in this region. I have never and will never be anything other than mum/mummy though.

ShagMeRiggins · 30/08/2020 17:35

I’m foreign. I started by teaching them mum/mummy because, well, assimilation.

Later on I decided fuck that, I am who I am, so started signing things either Mom or Maman.

My eldest now calls me Mother, or by my first name. Both irritate and amuse me in equal measure.

My husband says “ask Mum” or “talk to Mum,” rather than your mum, which irritates me even more, as I did not give birth to him. Hmm

Doyouwantanothercuppa · 30/08/2020 17:37

I love being a Mam/Mammy. I would correct my kids every time if they tried to call me Mum.

lampshadery · 30/08/2020 17:38

You can be called what you choose, but when they get to school be prepared for it changing. Parents and teachers will say 'Mam' without realising and it will rub off. You can correct them if you choose though.

rorosemary · 30/08/2020 17:40

Others don't get to decide for you. If they try to do so again, make some ridiculous suggestions what you are going to teach the children to call them.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 30/08/2020 17:40

@lampshadery

You can be called what you choose, but when they get to school be prepared for it changing. Parents and teachers will say 'Mam' without realising and it will rub off. You can correct them if you choose though.
It won’t necessarily.

None of mine have ever adopted ‘mam’ despite it being standard round here. I would correct any child that tried to call me mam.

DontBeShelfish · 30/08/2020 17:42

I'm from a Mam area, currently living in a Mum area, but DD calls me Mama. DP has never commented on it, or my siblings whose children are all very firmly in the Mam camp. I suspect they think it's a bit pretentious but it's just how it came out - and I'm definitely not pretentious in the slightest.

So in short: if you're happy, and your DC is happy with what they call you, stuff everyone else. Smile

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