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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge family fallout over wedding

167 replies

thoughtitwasright · 30/08/2020 13:43

My sister got married last weekend. I (plus DH and 3 kids) didn't attend due to situation with COVID and not feeling comfortable going to an indoor party of almost 100 (we don't live in the UK). I thought I was doing the right thing and my sister seemed to understand. However, my parents have now said I am no longer part of their family and are refusing all contact.

I know it won't make any difference but I have no one subjective to talk to and I thought I was doing the right thing.

YABU - I should have gone to the wedding
YANBU - They should respect my decision not to attend.

OP posts:
Sparklyring · 30/08/2020 13:46

I think they need to respect your decision but also there's no way anything would have kept me from my sisters wedding.

BigBlondeBimbo · 30/08/2020 13:46

YANBU at all. There is no way I'd have gone, unless you're somewhere with very low case numbers and R rate?

VainAbigail · 30/08/2020 13:47

YANBU at all.

Did your parents expect you all to attend or would they have been happy with just you? Have they given any details on their thoughts about this other than just cutting you off?

BigBlondeBimbo · 30/08/2020 13:47

@BigBlondeBimbo

YANBU at all. There is no way I'd have gone, unless you're somewhere with very low case numbers and R rate?
My sister is a doctor, so she wouldn't have attempted to have a wedding with 100 guests in the middle of a global pandemic.
Sanjii · 30/08/2020 13:48

I think it depends where you are and what the local Covid situation is. Completely understandable in some places but OTT in other countries.

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 30/08/2020 13:49

Are gatherings of that size banned where you live? Are you or the people in your household vulnerable?

Strictly1 · 30/08/2020 13:49

Your choice ultimately but there's no way I'd have missed my sister and I'd have been put out if she'd missed mine.
Are you going out elsewhere? Or are you shielding from all public places?

PurpleDaisies · 30/08/2020 13:51

Was the gathering allowed in your country?

44PumpLane · 30/08/2020 13:51

I think they are being ridiculous to cut you off entirely if there is no back story and this is literally the only reason.

Where do you live? What's going on with Covid where you are? I think if I lived somewhere the r number was under control and I had no underlying health conditions and was not shielding then I would have attended my siblings wedding. If you felt nervous about it you could have left DH and kids at home, gone yourself, not had any alcohol so you kept your wits about you to enable social distancing where possible etc so as your sibling I'd be upset and as your parent I'd be disappointed.

However they are still being way ott if there's no back story.

Heffalooomia · 30/08/2020 13:52

Your parents said that in the expectation that you would come crawling back begging for forgiveness, I would suggest that with friends like that you don't need enemies... they have done you a favour now you can ignore them completely✔️

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 30/08/2020 13:52

It's a personal decision to make. You weighed up the risk not only to yourself but also your husband and children. It doesn't matter if you were right or wrong or whether people agree or disagree with your assessment - you did the best you could with the information you had available at the time. Your parents are massively unreasonable to cut you off because you've acted in what you feel are the best interests of your family.

rebecca102 · 30/08/2020 13:56

It seems pretty ridiculous to be cut off over that especially when it was your sisters wedding and she was 'okay' about it. I wouldn't be attending anything with that many people and putting my child at risk.

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2020 13:56

They sound like pretty fly by night parents to cut their child out of the family completely, because they didn't turn up to a wedding.

And that's without a bloody pandemic.

Or controlling bastards, actually that's probably a better description.

oakleaffy · 30/08/2020 13:57

A gathering of 100 sounds like 95 too many.

Why didn't they postpone the wedding?...{Shotgun wedding?!}

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/08/2020 14:03

For my Sister I would have considered going to just the ceremony on my own. I wouldn't have gone as a family or gone to an indoor reception.

rayoflightboy · 30/08/2020 14:04

Sounds like you made the right decision.If your parents are that petty,i would leave them be.Their loss.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 30/08/2020 14:09

Where are you in the world? Is it high or low cases?

Did your parents know you weren't coming before the wedding?

While you said your sister was OK about it, did you talk it through with your parents before hand or did they just find out when you weren't there?

A wedding of that size takes a lot of planning, did you discuss earlier with your sister and parents that rescheduling would be a good idea and was clear you wouldn't go?

Not going to a siblings wedding is a massively big deal. The messaging of that needs careful handling.

ErinBrockovich · 30/08/2020 14:12

Yeah context is everything here.
If the gathering was legal, the numbers where you are are low and you are all in good health = YABU
If the gathering broke Covid guidelines, the numbers where you are are rising rapidly or you/your immediate family have an underlying health condition = YANBU

justasking111 · 30/08/2020 14:12

100 guests in the UK is still not allowed. You did the right thing OP

Leeds2 · 30/08/2020 14:13

Has your sister said that she will also cut you off, or just your parents?

I wouldn't respond to them, as my guess is that they are expecting you to beg for forgiveness. Don't - you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Friendsoftheearth · 30/08/2020 14:16

I don't think anyone can have a huge wedding in a pandemic and expect everyone to be okay with it.

You need to stand by your decision now, send your sister a gift and a card and let them come to you.

If they had such a massive problem with it, why didn't they come to you before the wedding?! It is not terribly helpful informing you afterwards!

Iammariedtojacksparrow · 30/08/2020 14:16

was the wedding in the UK and you are not?

tara66 · 30/08/2020 14:18

I think they were only allowed 30 guests. They should have know that.
If the parents are so upset they should have discussed it at length with you before wedding and helped for some acceptable arrangement such as zoom link at reception or even just one of you attending.

sycamorecottage · 30/08/2020 14:19

Are your parents known for being totally unreasonable arseholes, or has this come completely out of the blue?

And who are they to dicate which family members you have a relationship with?

Venicelover · 30/08/2020 14:20

I don't think anyone can comment definitively until they know the details. On the face of it, at this time, if you are not in the UK and such wedding s are allowed YABU.

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