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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge family fallout over wedding

167 replies

thoughtitwasright · 30/08/2020 13:43

My sister got married last weekend. I (plus DH and 3 kids) didn't attend due to situation with COVID and not feeling comfortable going to an indoor party of almost 100 (we don't live in the UK). I thought I was doing the right thing and my sister seemed to understand. However, my parents have now said I am no longer part of their family and are refusing all contact.

I know it won't make any difference but I have no one subjective to talk to and I thought I was doing the right thing.

YABU - I should have gone to the wedding
YANBU - They should respect my decision not to attend.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 31/08/2020 22:00

Did everyne miss the part where other guests were supposed to quarantine but hadnt?

Lisa82sim · 31/08/2020 22:20

Don't worry over it. You've got your husband and 3 kids.... You don't see them or need them so just carry on with your life and cut them off for a few months. Your mum will soon run back when it's all settled... Its not worth stressing over. To be fair... Your family are in the wrong have a wedding knowing guests are flying in and not quarantining. If any of the guests catch covid.... You can smile and know you did the right thing.

Cornishclio · 31/08/2020 22:31

If your sister chooses to get married in the middle of a pandemic then she has to accept not everyone will attend, even her sister. She could have delayed as any sensible person would given it is 100 people at an inside party and these sorts of occasions are very common breeding grounds for viruses. YANBU

As for your parents, they are quite clearly crazy. Leave them to stew for a while.

amispeakingenglish · 01/09/2020 01:44

Unbelievable! It's just one day, one event, it's not going to have any bearing on your sisters future fgs. I CAN NOT believe your parents can be such shits. It's just a wedding, half of which end in divorce!
I wouldn't bother trying to sort/mend this, wait until they see how ridiculous they are being and yes as others have said arseholes and i f they don't, good riddance. Is your sister always treated as so precious by them? Maybe you're better off without such a burden as these toxic parents who want you to risk everyone's health just for wedding. They should respect your decision and sent you lots of photos.

timeisnotaline · 01/09/2020 02:08

Well thats your opinion...I guess even though death is more final....matters of the heart are equal...but thats just my opinion.
Yes very much so. Can’t think you will find many who share it either. There are countries processing exemptions to entry bans on compassionate ground to see dying family one last time (& many missing out). Surprisingly, there aren’t any grounds for exemptions to attend a wedding Hmm

Their loss op especially if you have 3 young children, I wouldn’t have gone either. The risk of bringing it back means it doesn’t make sense just you going either. Once your sister and husband have quarantined I’d have them around for a congratulations night. Parents not welcome obviously. Fb photos of you all hanging out - What me, petty?

seayork2020 · 01/09/2020 02:23

If the wedding was allowed to happen legally then I would have gone as the world does not have to stop because of the virus BUT I do think your parents are being melodramatic

kierawhogives · 01/09/2020 02:40

I wouldn't miss a siblings wedding due to coronavirus. There are people dying due to other causes and i would have attended, esp. since you're not isolating from them anyway.

YABU.

SarahBellam · 01/09/2020 03:17

I wouldn’t miss my sisters wedding but then my sister wouldn’t have been dumb enough to have a big wedding in the middle of a pandemic. Regardless, this isn’t about the wedding, this is about your parents cutting you off. Let them. Don’t try to get in touch, just let them sulk. They are being ridiculous.

FlyMayBe · 01/09/2020 07:13

@serialreturner

They - and anyone who approved or attended the wedding are the ones being MASSIVELY unreasonable. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

It's idiots like this who are/will push the R rate up.

Look, I know it's shit but so much better than a higher COVID rate.

You did the right thing, OP.

"Mum and Dad

I'm sorry that you feel that way but I was making the right decision for my family.

I wish you well"

OP

This.

You were right not to go, OP. Flowers

gottakeeponmovin · 01/09/2020 07:27

I don't know - I would be pissed off if my sister didn't come to my wedding despite covid

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 01/09/2020 07:34

In our local news a B&G went ahead with their 100 guest wedding..
Both have covid now...
Yanbu to have protected yourselves op. And likely others.
Your dm is batshit.
You have had a lucky escape from such a controlling woman. Leave her to it I say.

Rewis · 01/09/2020 09:17

I can understand being a bit dissapointed or maybe thinking you were over the top of something. But cutting out? That's a very weird reaction .

SmellsLikeFeet · 01/09/2020 09:22

You made the decision based on your family circumstances
It's none of your parents business. Let them stew for a bit
I get so fed up hearing about parents treating their adult children like this

Sk1nnyB1tch · 01/09/2020 09:57

You made the right decision. Your own families health and financial welfare take priority.
It's part of being an adult you take responsibility for yourself and any children and other adults do the same.

Dragonsmother · 01/09/2020 12:02

Feel for you OP! You put the well-being and safety of your family first.
Did your family not know you weren’t going? Was there not a conversation with them before hand?
My sister got married 4 weeks after meeting someone. It was all so fast. I made the wedding day but not the night before as I was working. I was in the doghouse for a few months.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/09/2020 14:34

As @BigBlondeBimbo said
If I had a sister who I loved so much that my wedding wouldn't have as much meaning without her there, I would have moved it or significantly reduced the numbers of guests to make it safe for her to attend.

This. With bells on, Its still a pandemic if the OP was related to the bride or not. She was still trying to safeguard her family and her husbands DM.
if the sister wanted her there so much she could have made it possible for her to attend without putting her family at risk, and that, first and foremost meant telling the quarantine breakers that they needed to take quarantine precautions or her beloved sister couldn't attend.

The sister chose not to do that but she also said she understood so its the parents who have behaved badly in this situation.

HoldMyLobster · 01/09/2020 15:12

I wouldn't have gone OP.

The Maine wedding on Aug 7th that someone already referred to has now started affecting me despite the fact that I live over 200 miles away from where it happened and don't know a single person who went to it.

My children were supposed to return to school next week - they will most likely now have to go back to online-only initially.

It's just astonishing to me that people think they can do this stuff without caring about the consequences for others.

The woman who died - her husband is now also in hospital and very sick with Covid. He's a WW2 veteran. They had been isolating as much as possible in an effort to stay safe, but one of her carers contracted Covid from someone who was at the wedding.

Apparently it's OK for people like them to die because other people want to go to weddings during a pandemic.

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