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Original poster

WTF would you do. ? So called friend !!!!

252 replies

Highfivemum · 29/08/2020 19:52

Long story . I have a friend who I know through school. She has two DD. I have 6 DC ( 2 DD and 4 DS). Over the 6 years I have know her I have always given her my DD clothes they have outgrown. I feel for her as she is a Single parent and doesn't work. Last year I gave some of my DD outfits to another friend at school who helped me out when I needed her and she commented that she could have done with the clothes. I didn’t take much notice as I didn’t know if it was said in jest but it stuck with me. Then at the beginning of the year she asked me if my daughter had outgrown one of her dresses as she had a party. I stupidly pick a few of my daughters dresses that were getting to small and gave her them. I said to my DH i was going to move away from the friendship as I wasn’t happy that I was being used. I really am happy to help but felt she was over stepping mark. I had my last DC in April And due to covid haven’t seen her. She messaged last week and said she will drop a gift off and leave it on the porch I thanked her. When I opened the present it was a two pairs of socks along with a note saying she has missed seeing me at school and she is happy to come over if I left some of my DD clothes in the porch. She made out she was doing me a favor...I really felt like I had mug on my head. How would you deal with it. !! We only see each other through school..

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 29/08/2020 19:54

'Oh I'm sorry, I haven't got any clothes at the moment' and repeat.

PinkSparkleUnicorns · 29/08/2020 19:54

I'd just stop giving her clothes and distance yourself from her. Be friendly to her when you need to but not friends.

Spied · 29/08/2020 19:59

I'd be firm and say not to bother asking if DD has outgrown clothes as I will let her know if/when I have some.
It sounds like she's desperately worried you are going to offer them to this other person.
The socks thing is quite cheeky but I'd be thinking it's all she could afford, unless of course she's someone who wastes the money she has and is always buying unnecessary things, in which case she's a CF and she'd be getting no more of my dd's clothes at all.

Keysunshine · 29/08/2020 20:01

As others have said I would repeat that you haven’t got any clothes to give her at the moment, and repeat. Be firm. She sounds like a user.

SunbathingDragon · 29/08/2020 20:03

Is she desperate for the clothes and struggling to provide for her children? If so and your daughters have genuinely outgrown the clothes then I would pass them on. Surely they aren’t generally in the best of condition anyway and will just be donated elsewhere. However, I wouldn’t pass on anything that hasn’t been outgrown or that you have another use for.

LillianBland · 29/08/2020 20:06

Are you sure she’s not selling them? Have a look on your local selling site. I got caught out in a similar manner.

Suzi888 · 29/08/2020 20:09

What sunbathing dragon said. She does seem to be using you a little, I’m just feeling for the children.... don’t you do anything outside school. Coffee anything...

Thehop · 29/08/2020 20:10

“Thanks for the present, we haven’t got anything to pass on at the minute. Hope you’re all well.”

mbosnz · 29/08/2020 20:12

Is she friends with you, or your daughter's wardrobe?

alexdgr8 · 29/08/2020 20:13

@LillianBland

Are you sure she’s not selling them? Have a look on your local selling site. I got caught out in a similar manner.
my thought exactly. avoid her.
RuggerHug · 29/08/2020 20:13

Tell her to drop back everything you gave her that her DD has grown out of, you'll need them for the baby when they're older. You'll never hear from her again.

pictish · 29/08/2020 20:15

“I don’t have any clothes for you.”

Just that.

Jeremyironsnothing · 29/08/2020 20:17

I'd pass on a few of the less nice bits occasionally and just leave longer and longer between bits. If she asks then tell her that you are sharing them between several friends now.

MRex · 29/08/2020 20:25

If you'd otherwise give things to a charity shop or someone else then this probably wouldn't bother me as it sounds polite. Tone is hard to guage from your post though; "she commented that she could have done with the clothes" - if this was snippy then I'd have pulled her up, but she might just be desperate for the help. If you don't want to give her anything just say there are no clothes to give, it's a favour so you can stop any time.

DrManhattan · 29/08/2020 20:28

Tell her you don't have any / you have donated them to charity.

Remember you dont owe her anything.

ILoveFood87 · 29/08/2020 20:34

Oh god she is rude

ILoveFood87 · 29/08/2020 20:35

Agree with @RuggerHug

Ohtherewearethen · 29/08/2020 20:36

She's obviously found the cheapest gift she can get away with to give to your baby (four months after the baby was born) as a way to ask you for more of your daughter's clothes as she's realised she's been a massive CF so far but at least has the grace to accept that she can't just get in touch purely to ask for clothes. However, the bit about her being happy to come over if you give her some clothes really is taking the Mick. She's the one putting conditions/terms on your friendship and that comment has basically proven that she only wants to see you if you give her something. She is not a friend and you owe her nothing. I wouldn't even bother replying to her. She needs you (or rather your daughter's old clothes) more than you need her. It sounds as though she feels entitled to your daughter's clothes now and that's something you need to clear up with her. You are not responsible for clothing her children.

Penguinnn · 29/08/2020 20:37

As others have said. “Oh sorry she’s still in most of her bits.”

Or just don’t reply. What are you loosing here?

LovingLola · 29/08/2020 20:41

Is she absolutely skint and genuinely cannot afford to clothe her daughters?

doodlejump1980 · 29/08/2020 20:47

What RuggerHug said

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 29/08/2020 20:48

“Sorry, all DD’s clothes are still in use, hope you are all ok”.

She’s just using you.

Neveranynamesleft · 29/08/2020 20:52

She possibly has come to rely on the clothes if money is tight or she could be selling them on, or both, you may never know.
The clothes are yours to do with as you wish, you shouldn't feel pressured into giving them to her. You could message and say that you yourself have been selling some nice pieces to earn a few quid or you dont have anything at the moment as you have given what you had to a worthy charity. Say that maybe if you do have anything in the future you will let her know.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/08/2020 20:52

If you want to ease off without being blunt,I would just only give her a few seriously ragged old bits next time. If she asks where other bits are say either "money has been tight so I needed to ebay a few" or "I'm sharing with a few friends who are all in need" or simply "those are all I can spare you."

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/08/2020 20:54

Ps she is using you. I hate people who are constantly on the hustle for a freebie. Theres loving a bit of pre loved, and theres refusing to ever spend your own money, the latter is just being a tight wad.