WTF would you do. ? So called friend !!!!

[Highfivemum]

Long story . I have a friend who I know through school. She has two DD. I have 6 DC ( 2 DD and 4 DS). Over the 6 years I have know her I have always given her my DD clothes they have outgrown. I feel for her as she is a Single parent and doesn't work. Last year I gave some of my DD outfits to another friend at school who helped me out when I needed her and she commented that she could have done with the clothes. I didn’t take much notice as I didn’t know if it was said in jest but it stuck with me. Then at the beginning of the year she asked me if my daughter had outgrown one of her dresses as she had a party. I stupidly pick a few of my daughters dresses that were getting to small and gave her them. I said to my DH i was going to move away from the friendship as I wasn’t happy that I was being used. I really am happy to help but felt she was over stepping mark. I had my last DC in April And due to covid haven’t seen her. She messaged last week and said she will drop a gift off and leave it on the porch I thanked her. When I opened the present it was a two pairs of socks along with a note saying she has missed seeing me at school and she is happy to come over if I left some of my DD clothes in the porch. She made out she was doing me a favor...I really felt like I had mug on my head. How would you deal with it. !! We only see each other through school..

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I do feel for her as she sounds desperately short of money.

You might be her only lifeline to get clothes for her children. Being skint makes you do out of the ordinary things, like blatantly asking for help, because it's for the children.

Only you can really judge this, but remain open-minded to the possibility of her struggles

I think she is only friends with you to access your dd’s wardrobe. I would message her thanking her for the gift, but just wouldn’t mention anything about clothes. It would be interesting to see what her reaction was and if she would push the issue further. She is being a CF, but perhaps she really is struggling...

do feel for her as she sounds desperately short of money.

She may not be. I have an acquaintance who is well off but grabby and rarely parts with money if she can beg things for free, especially for her children (she will buy things for herself....!). Her facebook is one long annoying run of posts eg "has anyone got a single bed they dont need any more and looking to give away?" Or "has anyone got boys football boots size 2 they are wanting rid of". Shes got plenty of money, DH and her in good jobs, she is just tight as fuck.

I agree with the previous comments that she’s probably selling them. I wonder if other people are giving her things too.

Do you know why she doesn’t work?

Thx for your responses. She is certainly not broke, she already has freshly bleached hair and nails done and Our children are not friends as my DD is year above her. I have no issue passing clothes on to others but I hate when someone presumes I will and I feel like I cannot give them to anyone else.

Sorry, may need the clothes in the future myself! And avoid!😁

I never thought she may be selling them 🤨

OP clothing aside how is your friendship?

If she is not making efforts to keep in touch then you have your answer. Being there costs nothing and that's what you need to examine. If she doesn't initiate contact or keep on touch then you know what she is after.

Try not to focus on the present she gave you. It could be all she could afford, as she sounds skint. Look at the bigger picture. And act accordingly, but always with kindness and manners.

Congratulations on your new arrival

Yes, actually I don't know why I was so quick to think she's hard-up. Pre-menstrual and maudlin, probably!

@Highfivemum

Thx for your responses. She is certainly not broke, she already has freshly bleached hair and nails done and Our children are not friends as my DD is year above her. I have no issue passing clothes on to others but I hate when someone presumes I will and I feel like I cannot give them to anyone else.

If she can afford to get her hair bleached and her nails done, she can afford to buy her children clothes. Looks like she just wants you to give her clothes, so she can spend her money on herself!

A pot of nice and easy is £7.99 and nail varnish as little as a fiver? So not the greatest example.

Difficult because my initial reaction is cheeky bitch but then what if she really is that hard up?

Be the bigger person? But at your convenience not hers

Thank you
I need to toughen up. We are not close, just chat at school as Our DD share a common interest. Not heard much during lockdown or holidays. She tells everyone how good I am as I always give her my DD clothes. It only started as she joined a group and I said have this and save in the uniform. !! Since then she has presumed. Just feel I am in a spot now 🙁

What will you reply to her? Personally I think as PPs have said - no reply is the best reply beyond a quick thank you for the socks

Say thank you for the gift and ignore the request for clothes. Your 'WTF' sounds quite dramatic, but not having something to give to somebody isn't dramatic.

If gets pushy, say 'no'. This is also drama free.

@Highfivemum

Thank you I need to toughen up. We are not close, just chat at school as Our DD share a common interest. Not heard much during lockdown or holidays. She tells everyone how good I am as I always give her my DD clothes. It only started as she joined a group and I said have this and save in the uniform. !! Since then she has presumed. Just feel I am in a spot now 🙁

You know she’s probably hoping that by telling everyone that you’re so good, giving her clothes, that she’s hoping they will take the hint and start donating too, don’t you?

Yes should have worded it better. She always has freshly highlighted and styled hair and long gel nails. I don’t think she is well off by any means but she certainly isn’t broke.

Children grow slower as they get older don’t they? Just say your DC hasn't grown out of anything. Or you could tell her it’s a bit cheeky to say she’ll come round to see you only if you give something you haven’t offered...

Just say oh I'm keeping them up for new DD now, so glad I can get extra use out of them...

I think you may feel guilty if you stop . I hope not.

I'd make a point of giving them to someone else from now on. Or to the charity shop. And see if she's still 'friends' when the handouts stop.

My DM always gave my old clothes to her friends DD who lived round the corner from us. DM stopped when her friend drove passed us when we where on our way home from an after school activity her daughter also attended she just beeped the horn and waved, it was in the middle of a thunder storm and absolutely pissing down and she could have offered us a lift. After that my DM made excuses about passing the clothes on to someone else and the friend quickly cut the friendship off as DM was no longer of use to her.

I’d say that you’ve rethought giving away your daughters clothes and from now on will be keeping them to make memory bears / blankets for when they’re older.

@SuddenArborealStop

Just say oh I'm keeping them up for new DD now, so glad I can get extra use out of them...

Wish I could my last one was a DS. 😳 I am going to message saying thanks for lovely gift and not refer to the request for clothes. I cannot be pressurized when I am trying to help out.

Say you are giving them to charity shop as the shops have been hit hard by Covid lock down. She can hardly argue with logic of that!