Page 5 | WTF would you do. ? So called friend !!!!

monkeymonkey2010 · 29/08/2020 22:56

I feel for her as she is a Single parent and doesn't work
Yet.....
She always has freshly highlighted and styled hair and long gel nails

Seriously, next time she puts you on the spot just tell her straight - "i don't have any to give away".
In the next breath i'd ask her how much she spent on her hair/nails......

squirrelsbizaar · 29/08/2020 23:00

I’m happy to help people out and pass on stuff that I don’t need, but the sense of entitlement would annoy me. Wouldn’t want, or expect undying gratitude, but would like acknowledgement that it’s a thoughtful gesture and not a right.
I’d just carry on distancing myself from the friendship and give her a few bits if it suits, but wouldn’t let her stop me passing stuff onto other people. You’re not losing anything, shes not a friend and not even doing a particularly good impression of a pretend one either.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2020 23:03

Seriously, next time she puts you on the spot just tell her straight - "i don't have any to give away".
In the next breath i'd ask her how much she spent on her hair/nails......

Christ what is wrong with people?

This thread is populated by some of the most sanctimonious, judgey people 🤬

This is about OLD CLOTHES that OP has been in the habit of passing on to this person.

Yes it's nice of OP and she doesn't have to, but it's no big deal. I'm always thrilled to have someone to offer my kids' clothes to, and vice versa.

The friend sounds a bit cheeky in her approach - if OP doesn't like it, she's free not to give her the clothes. It's nothing to get exercised about.

But to write something as snide as this takes my breath away - who has the right to judge anyone or ask them about their spending decisions? FFS.

Sewsosew · 29/08/2020 23:04

I had to stop giving a friend DDs old clothes for a totally different reason.
She had 2 DD, one a few years younger than ours so passed on a load of stuff in good condition on for younger DD.
I went round once and elder DD was wearing one of DDs old tops, which was about 2 sizes too small, as apparently she’d taken a fancy to it. She
mentioned she’d had to bin it afterwards as it got ‘wrecked’. Next time it was a fairly expensive dress which had been torn to get elder DD into it.
I could have sold them as some of them were ‘branded’ but I thought she would get good use out of them. I know once you pass something on it’s their business what they do with them, but I hate waste!
She did keep asking for more stuff. Just to wear and wreck, I don’t think so!

IlovecatsyesIdo · 29/08/2020 23:05

Next time she asks could you say something like ‘let’s just agree that if I have any more clothes available I’ll offer them to you’. Keep it simple, hopefully she will realise she is being cheeky continually asking you. Then distance yourself. You have been kind in giving her so much already, it’s not nice feeling pressured like this.

CallmeAngelina · 29/08/2020 23:06

Blimey, this has turned weird...

Howcanwedoitall · 29/08/2020 23:08

@EarringsandLipstick how was I being judgey?

You cant play the poor me when it comes to clothing your daughters and walk around with highlights and gel nails??

Dinocan · 29/08/2020 23:09

In the next breath i'd ask her how much she spent on her hair/nails......
Jesus Christ. This is the reason I pretty much stay off MN recently. This is just another benefits bashing thread in disguise. How dare a ‘single mum’ who ‘doesn’t work’ look polished in any way, she should be dressed in rags, as should her children . Maybe she does it all herself? Maybe she has a relative who does her nails for her for free? Maybe she prioritises her own appearance because she’s applying for jobs? Or she knows her kids don’t care either way if they’re dressed in lovely 2nd hand clothes from boden or the local charity shop 20p basket? OP, as I’ve said if you’re so confident your used kids clothes are that, great sell them.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2020 23:09

She did keep asking for more stuff. Just to wear and wreck, I don’t think so!

They just keep on coming.

I'm just flabbergasted that people get worked up about this.

If you've passed on children's clothes that you have no further use for, what does it matter what the person does with them?

The superior tone is unreal.

If you want to eBay them, do. If you give them away, you are correct - it's none of your business.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2020 23:12

[quote Howcanwedoitall]@EarringsandLipstick how was I being judgey?

You cant play the poor me when it comes to clothing your daughters and walk around with highlights and gel nails??[/quote]
Because it's none of your business, that's why!

You were making a recommendation to the OP that she question the friend's spending. No-one has a right to do that.

If she doesn't want to give the bloody clothes to her, she shouldn't. But don't judge someone in this way, and act in such a PA manner.

There's all your judgement right there Howcanwedoitall

Sewsosew · 29/08/2020 23:12

@EarringsandLipstick because it’s so incredibly wasteful. I might as well washed my car with them. I hope clothes have more use and longevity than being ripped apart for a 5 minute wear.

LadyLairdArgyll · 29/08/2020 23:13

well this took a dark turn

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2020 23:13

@Dinocan

In the next breath i'd ask her how much she spent on her hair/nails...... Jesus Christ. This is the reason I pretty much stay off MN recently. This is just another benefits bashing thread in disguise. How dare a ‘single mum’ who ‘doesn’t work’ look polished in any way, she should be dressed in rags, as should her children

. Maybe she does it all herself? Maybe she has a relative who does her nails for her for free? Maybe she prioritises her own appearance because she’s applying for jobs? Or she knows her kids don’t care either way if they’re dressed in lovely 2nd hand clothes from boden or the local charity shop 20p basket? OP, as I’ve said if you’re so confident your used kids clothes are that, great sell them.

💯 this.

Thank the Lord for someone else seeing it the same way.

The sneeriness & faux outrage on this thread is vile.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2020 23:16

[quote Sewsosew]@EarringsandLipstick because it’s so incredibly wasteful. I might as well washed my car with them. I hope clothes have more use and longevity than being ripped apart for a 5 minute wear.[/quote]
So what?

It's none of your business. You chose to give them away. You have no right over what happens next.

If you sold them, you'd have no say over what the person buying did with them.

If you were expecting them back, that's different (a friend & I did that with our sons & exchanged clothes back & forth. We were always careful with those items, of course)

They are children's clothes - yes I like to look after things too, but if others don't, it's grand!

Anordinarymum · 29/08/2020 23:19

@Highfivemum

Long story . I have a friend who I know through school. She has two DD. I have 6 DC ( 2 DD and 4 DS). Over the 6 years I have know her I have always given her my DD clothes they have outgrown. I feel for her as she is a Single parent and doesn't work. Last year I gave some of my DD outfits to another friend at school who helped me out when I needed her and she commented that she could have done with the clothes. I didn’t take much notice as I didn’t know if it was said in jest but it stuck with me. Then at the beginning of the year she asked me if my daughter had outgrown one of her dresses as she had a party. I stupidly pick a few of my daughters dresses that were getting to small and gave her them. I said to my DH i was going to move away from the friendship as I wasn’t happy that I was being used. I really am happy to help but felt she was over stepping mark. I had my last DC in April And due to covid haven’t seen her. She messaged last week and said she will drop a gift off and leave it on the porch I thanked her. When I opened the present it was a two pairs of socks along with a note saying she has missed seeing me at school and she is happy to come over if I left some of my DD clothes in the porch. She made out she was doing me a favor...I really felt like I had mug on my head. How would you deal with it. !! We only see each other through school..

I think the relationship is one of dependency on her part. She probably thinks you are happy to give her the old clothes since you no longer need them and she obviously does.

Try not to get annoyed. I don't think she means to be cheeky, I really don't. Look upon it as something she looks forward to for her child who would not get to wear nice things if it were not for you.

I knew lots of women when my children were at school who survived on hand me downs from other mums. I've done it too and it's nice to do it if you can.
I also think there is a sort of embarrassment at being given clothes so the gratitude is not overly displayed but probably there all the same.

boon · 29/08/2020 23:24

I would rather give them to charity than someone like that. How rude!!

ScoobySnacker · 29/08/2020 23:35

I dont get it. If you have old stuff to give away and shes keen to have it, why wouldn't you pass it on? If you dont have anything at the moment just tell her.

Nsky · 30/08/2020 00:17

I think you have been used, no doubt others that could help her, otherwise it’s eBay for her

LadyLairdArgyll · 30/08/2020 00:21

when a kind gesture becomes an expectation, the norm, this is what is can expect now. It breeds entitlement and gratitude is lost.

Tinkerbell456 · 30/08/2020 00:22

Wow- bit grabby! Love the idea that she thinks so much of her own company that she thinks you should only be admitted to the presence of the goddess with offerings😀!

saleorbouy · 30/08/2020 00:35

Perhaps she needs to find a job to buy her kids some clothes instead of relying on your donations. I don't think many of us could provide for our families without earning something.

mysuperpowerisme · 30/08/2020 00:38

I think people are misunderstanding OPs problem here...

The woman will ONLY meet OP if she gives her clothes. She is no friend.
All she has to say is hey whenever you have old/spare clothes could I please have them.
And then the OP would most likely give her the clothes when she has them but this woman seems to be Faking friendship in order to get free stuff.
Its like saying to someone hey I will only talk to you and see you if you give me stuff and pay for my friendship via clothes

Yes of course op can say no but its not really about the giving of the clothes it's that OP is being used and the lady feels entitled to these hand me downs when she is entitled to nothing.

CharlieBoo · 30/08/2020 00:40

I have always given my kids clothes away, however I am on my own now and money is tight, so I have been bundling up old clothes and putting them on eBay! Nothing amazing just bundles of certain age groups.. you get quite a bit for it. She could be doing that..

I would just say sorry I don’t have anything at the moment.

jay55 · 30/08/2020 00:41

With 6 kids, including a new baby, I think it's hilarious that anyone imagines she's had time to sort through her daughters clothes recently.

expat101 · 30/08/2020 00:52

Is she selling them elsewhere? I was in a similar position with a friend's adult daughter, I was giving her ''spare'' things and found out later she was selling what I was giving her, plus earning a fair bit of cash on the side and claiming single parents benefit while living with her partner. Drives a newer vehicle than me now.

Some people are just takers.