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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my adult daughter to tell me she's away for the weekend

163 replies

mom16761 · 29/08/2020 19:13

My daughter (26 and living at home)went to work yesterday morning as usual after telling me she was going on a date straight from work. She apparently took a suitcase with her (her brother saw it). Anyway she didn't come home last night and I've just messaged her to ask if she'll be home tonight. No was the answer.
I just think it was rude not to say she'd be away for the weekend. She doesn't agree!
Is it rude or aibu?

OP posts:
Doccomplaint · 29/08/2020 19:14

She took a suitcase. What did you think she was doing?

I’d have asked for food purposes (sent a quick text) but other than that no big deal.

M0mmyneedswine · 29/08/2020 19:15

I expect anyone living in my house to tell me if they will not be back for the night, very rude not to imo

formerbabe · 29/08/2020 19:15

If she lives with you, then yanbu, it's general courtesy

Macncheeseballs · 29/08/2020 19:15

Wouldn't bother me

Shizzlestix · 29/08/2020 19:16

Living with you? I’d expect her to give me the heads up, surely just polite?

Ragwort · 29/08/2020 19:16

Yes it is rude, at the very least you need to know for locking up purposes, she sounds very rude and disrespectful if she can't even give you the courtesy of telling you her weekend arrangements.

MellySandra · 29/08/2020 19:17

I see your point but she’s 26. If you weren’t going to be cooking for her etc what difference does it make?

CherryPavlova · 29/08/2020 19:17

Yes rude.

WorraLiberty · 29/08/2020 19:17

Very rude.

Pebblexox · 29/08/2020 19:17

Honestly, I didn't tell my mum what I was doing most of the time 18+. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to tell her I was away for the weekend. If she text asking I'd tell her, but I just didn't see the point otherwise.

Warsawa31 · 29/08/2020 19:18

IMO she should be living in her own place by 26 anyway, I know what you mean regarding being courteous and if it was the other way around I'm sure you would have let her know, but it might have been a spur of the moment thing. I'd let it go - you know she is away now there's nothing more to discuss

NotABridezillaToBe · 29/08/2020 19:18

You would tell a housemate you were going away for the weekend out of courtesy so YANBU.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 29/08/2020 19:19

Of course it's rude. Yanbu.

nosswith · 29/08/2020 19:19

Yes rude. Also in case something happens such as a fire/flood you are not looking for them.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2020 19:19

It is very rude of her and unacceptable in my opinion. It's simply common courtesy to tell those you live with if you're going to be away overnight. All it takes is a quick call or text. My daughter will be 21 next month, lives at home, and obviously can do or go wherever she wishes, but she always lets me know where she's going and if she'll be gone for the night.

For a 26 year old woman, your daughter sounds very immature and self-absorbed. It didn't occur to her that you would be worried about her welfare? Perhaps it's time your daughter find her own place to live.

Time2change2 · 29/08/2020 19:20

Yes it’s rude if she is living with you. It would be rude for anyone of any age under the same roof. Just polite to tell others in the house (if it’s their house and not shared accommodation)
If she wants to treat it like a house share- she should move out and get a house share!

RightOnTheEdge · 29/08/2020 19:20

I think she should have just given you a quick message or heads up about it.
Just for safety reasons, so you know she's not actually missing.

lifesalongsong · 29/08/2020 19:21

Very rude and no excuse really, it only takes seconds to send you a message

morefun · 29/08/2020 19:23

Not exactly rude, but better to tell you so you don't worry. You could be concerned that her date was a psycho

Mammabear23 · 29/08/2020 19:23

For various reasons I had to move back in with my mum when I was about 25 and would always let her know what my plans were. She always said, even though I was an adult, she never slept easy until she knew I was safe at home (if I was coming home). Plus she wanted to know if I would want to join her for dinner etc. YANBU expecting her to give you the heads up.

MJMG2015 · 29/08/2020 19:24

Very rude.

IMO it's rude of any one, of any age, not to tell people they're living with if they have plans to go away for the weekend.

Original poster
mom16761 · 29/08/2020 19:26

I do cook for her, I only knew she'd taken a case when my son said he'd dropped her off with a case when I asked him. She just told me she was out for dinner.
She's living here because she can't hold a job down and pisses all her money up the wall.

OP posts:
Shockingstocking · 29/08/2020 19:26

Very rude but maybe she's highly claustrophobic with lockdown.

Starbuggy · 29/08/2020 19:27

YANBU

I lived in houseshares throughout my 20s and it was common courtesy to tell your housemates if you were going to be away. The same should apply if she’s still living at home.

It clearly wasn’t a last minute thing if she left with a suitcase. But even if it was, she should’ve text or called to let you know.

RB68 · 29/08/2020 19:27

It depends - if she is normally fully integrated into a family life where you all still do everything tog then yes inconsiderate but if she is independent and resides in the same house but generally sorts herself out for food washing etc then no not rude

At 26 she shouldn't have to be reporting in quite frankly

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