To expect my adult daughter to tell me she's away for the weekend

[mom16761]

My daughter (26 and living at home)went to work yesterday morning as usual after telling me she was going on a date straight from work. She apparently took a suitcase with her (her brother saw it). Anyway she didn't come home last night and I've just messaged her to ask if she'll be home tonight. No was the answer.
I just think it was rude not to say she'd be away for the weekend. She doesn't agree!
Is it rude or aibu?

When I was 26 I lived with 3 flat mates and we would let each other know if we were away the weekend or not expected back.

yeah shes rude.

a text or courtesy would be decent - works both ways really!

At 26 she shouldn't have to be reporting in quite frankly

A quick, "Mum, I'll be away this weekend, see you Sunday" is not "reporting in." FFS.

Rude. Rude if you did it, rude that she has done it. A quick text to say won't be home this weekend would be fine. We have a family what's app group, I need to know if they won't be back but I don't need to know the details. If they don't like this there are plenty of flats for rent.

Your daughter is very very rude. YANBU.

I would be worried that her date had done something to her if I didn't know any better.

It is really inconsiderate and people saying they never told their parents when they went off for days, must have had them worried.

I think it’s weird not to tell people you live (unless they’re flat mates you barely speak to) that you’re going away for a night or two regardless of age or relationship. I’m sure she’d be a bit miffed if you just disappeared.

Yes she should have told you. You might have sat up worrying all night, esp as you knew that she was on a date, but not with whom or where etc.

Perhaps be away for a couple of days when she returns and see how she feels.

At 26 she shouldn't have to be reporting in quite frankly

Why is it reporting in to tell the people you live with that you'll be away all weekend so they don't worry?

Honestly

It’s high time she moved out

Very rude. But if she can’t hold down a job, her rudeness sounds like the least of your worries.

Inconsiderate of her not to tell you.

Can't believe people think it's overkill to have expected your dd to mention she was going to be away for the weekend!

Op, of course yanbu. If you live with somebody you tell them if you're not coming home. It's basic courtesy as well as common sense to help keep yourself safe!

Even though she’s 26, she should let you know just so you don’t worry. When I lived at home, I would have expected to be told if my mum went away for the weekend as if not, I would think something had happened to her if she just didn’t come home. It seems like she feels like you wanting to know means she’s asking for permission so maybe make clear to her that it’s just about common courtesy.

She was rude. It is as pp said common courtesy to let people you live with know if you're going away.

YANBU because she lives with you. If she didn't live with you, fine, do what you want. But if she lives with you and she eats with you, then in terms of safety, and general house keeping she needs to tell you if she's not going to be home.

I personally think whomever you share a house with it's polite to even just mention in passing that you will be away just so everyone living in the house knows wether to lock up or not wonder if they should think about wether you are a missing person etc

To qualify that though it's a courtesy to mention it because you share a space but if the person is an adult it's nothing to do with anyone else so it shouldn't arouse comment. Even if that person is an adult child living in a parents house.

YANBU. Even as an 18 year old living at home I would let mum know if I would be home or not. Courtesy so she didn't cater for me if not needed and didn't worry (too much ) if I stayed out.

I think it’s common courtesy.
If her brother hadn’t seen her with the suitcase the op would presumably have been worried when she didn’t come home and might not have been able to get n touch. I would want to know not be nosy just so I wasn’t worried.

Of course it’s rude and disrespectful if she lives with you.

Just rude. It is polite to let someone know you won't be home.

When you are sharing remises it is usual to say if you are going away for a couple of days/nights otherwise people at home may be concerned that something has happened to you, especially parents. Therefore I understand where the op is coming from.

However I know if I had told my mum I was going to be away (and I wasn't living with her at 26), she would have asked where, with whom, what I was going to do, 'what brought this on', etc. Which I hated! Consequently I wonder......

If she's 26 and can't hold down a job and pisses her money up the wall a weekend away with a suitcase is the least of your/her worries.

@MJMG2015

Very rude.

IMO it's rude of any one, of any age, not to tell people they're living with if they have plans to go away for the weekend.

Yup. This.